Aspies For Freedom

"He's just a bit 'weird'." - The conclusion of the counsellor I saw while I was at school, to my mum (before I ever knew I had Asperger's)

"Devil-Worshipper" - One of the kids that bullied me, after he picked up on the fact I drew dragons and monsters a lot.

I think the biggest thing that I can remember, and this is from grade school (around 6th or 7th grade, US standard)...
I was told by my Special Education teacher that I had to "Blend! Just ... Blend!"
I had no idea what she was talking about, and frankly, I still don't.

To clarify, I know she was meaning that she wanted me to conform and act like the rest of the schools population, but I didn't understand how I was different.  I thought I WAS acting normal, and doing just fine, apart from the nearly constant bullying.

(this was in the early eighties, by the way)

At school...

"Lorna ate a dictionary for breakfast!!!"
***
"OMG...you got an A...*sniggers*"
***
"Do normal people read as much as you? No wonder no-one likes you" <- this came from my mother
***
"Why don't you do drugs? What are you, weird?" <- no, I like my spinal fluid just as it is, thanks
***
"Why don't you just read a bit slower so the rest of the class can catch up?" <- from a teacher
***
Them: "How funny is Friends? OMG it is like sooooooo funny *quotes some line and practically wets self laughing*"
Me: "I don't find it particularly funny."
Them: "Why not?"
Me: "Uh...I just don't."
Them: "EVERYONE likes Friends. You've got to be weird not to like Friends."
Me: "Well, I don't like Friends."
Them: "You're a weirdo then."
Me: "Okay."
(Pause)
Them: "Why don't you like Friends?"
Me: "Because I see it as a representation of everything thats wrong with American society today and it makes me feel physically sick that its spreading to the UK."
Them: "(pause) But its funny."
Me: "Its shallow and no, its not funny."
Them: "You're weird."
Me: "Okay, I'm weird. Whatever."
Them: "Lorna said she's a weirdo!!!"
***
Them: "Whats up with your accent?"
Me: "Pardon?"
Them: "*sniggering* pardon?? pardon???"
(I ignore them - long pause)
Them: "How come you've got a weird accent?"
Me: "I'm part Irish."
Them: "Are you a bomber?"
Me: "No I'm not a bomber."
Them: "Why?"
***
Them: "Shut up you wee virgin."
Me: "And...what?"
Them: "Are you a virgin?"
Me: "Its none of your business."
Them: "So you are a virgin then?"
(I ignore them)
Them: "How come you're a virgin?"
Me: "Because I've never had sex, thats usually how."
Them: "Why?"
Me: "Because I'm 13?!"
Them: "Ehhh...Lorna's a virgin!!!"
Me: "Aren't you? You're 13, doesn't that make you a bit of a ***?"
Them: "I'm not a *** you wee cow!!!"
Me: "So you're a virgin?"
Them: "I'm not one like you."
Me: "I never realised there's a gradient in virginity. I thought it was all the same requirements across the board."
(long pause)
Them: "You're getting your head kicked in you wee cow."

In adulthood...

Them: "So you're a sociology student? Isn't that just a big skive?"
Me: "Actually no, its a complex science that studies society in an impartial context; its extremely difficult to detach from social norms and dissect socialised projections of a reality that usually doesn't exist. Its a difficult discipline to master."
(long pause)
Them: "I just think its a big skive."
Me: "Don't you have a qualification in beauty therapy?"
Them: "Yeah."
Me: "Hmmm. You realise my academia alone will take eight years by comparison to your two? And even by then I will still be a junior sociologist?"
(Silence)
***
"I think if people actually spoke to me that they'd just realise I blagged my way through university onto a PHD. I'm just going to send my kids to you if I want them to learn about the world; they can come to me for fashion advice" (this one really had me considering shoving a coathanger up my nostrils to try and remove my brain to stop its suffering)

Talking to women when I was single...

Her: "So what kind of TV shows do you like?"
Me: "I don't really watch TV, I only really watch documentaries. I only watch TV when I want to destroy brain cells."
Her: "Don't you watch the L Word?"
Me: "I think I'd rather inject lead into my spine than watch L Word."
Her: "Oh its really good."
Me: "Nah I think its pretty sh*t but whatever."
Her: "But there's lots of good looking women in it."
Me: "I'd rather watch something with a relevant plot or storyline. I find L Word unrealistic, glossy American serial fodder."
Her: "But Shane is so fit!"
Me: "Who is Shane?"
Her: "How can you not know who Shane is????"
Me: "I don't watch L Word to know."
Her: "She is so fit!!!!!"
Me: "Ok cool."
Her: "Who do you fancy?"
Me: "Women"
Her: "What kind of women?"
Me: "Non-Scottish women usually."
Her: "Why??? Aren't Scottish women good enough for you?"
Me: "No, I just don't like the accent."
Her: "But you're Scottish!!!!!!!!"
Me: "I'm Scots-Irish and my dad's side are probably from the Med because I'm too dark to be Scottish, and so is my dad and his family."
Her: "Ok. (pause) Do you have a pic?"
Me: "Why?"
Her: "Because I want to see what you look like hunni" <- wtf is this spelling???
(loads pic onto MSN messenger)
Her: "OMG you're really cute hunni!!!!"
Me: "Thanks"
Her: "Whats your number?"
Me: "I don't know you well enough to give out my number."
Her: "Oh go on I can get you into L Word lol"
Me: "No thanks"
Her: "No thanks what hunni???"
Me: "No thanks re L Word"
Her: "Why not? Maybe I can get you into other things then haha"
Me: "Because I don't like American TV drivel and I find L Word inherently homophobic in the way it represents lesbians as all only being interested in sex and women and having no actual personality. I think if you watch it you're condoning passive bigotry."
(*insert name here now appears to be offline*)

Desperate Housewives makes me want to put pins in my eyes. I remember I was in the bedroom studying once with my partner and her sister came running in squealing because of an episode. It took most of my mental energy to restrain myself saying "wow. you must be such a lucky person, getting so excited about an awful television show shot in soft focus with a beautiful, non-realistic cast."

And those not on the spectrum say we live in a fantasy world? Uh huh. My life is full enough not to care who Jesse Metcalfe is sleeping with today...who lives in the fantasy world then

I've had to deal with questions a lot, but a lot of them are actually good questions I just don't have an answer for.  Like, in grade school, 'why do you eat paper/glue/pencils/crayons/playdough/sticky tac?' and 'why do you always mutter to yourself while drawing? and 'why are you sitting there all alone instead of playing?'  In lieu of an answer, I'd usually snap at people verbally (indeed, that was my response to most things my peers said to me...)

I get dumb comments about anything like:

Why are you laughing to yourself?

Why are you looking in the cieling?

What are you staring at?

What, are you seeing spirits or something?

Why are you smirking? What are you grinning at?

Why do they ask such questions? But if an NT does it, its perfectly OK!

Why are you laughing to yourself? You look kind of silly in that striped black top there.

Why are you looking in the cieling? Well it beats looking at the mole on the end of your nose.

What are you staring at? Sorry, I'm just doing some eye relaxation exercises. The person over there is especially cute.

What, are you seeing spirits or something? Yes do you have any spirits on you, I could do with a drink.

Why are you smirking? What are you grinning at? I'm just smiling as to what I will be getting up to later without you. Bye, bye.

Why do they ask such questions? But if an NT does it, its perfectly OK!

Heres why the most popular person will come up with a quick witted half arsed reply. While making the other person feeling stupid for asking it in the first place.

Really if anyone asks a personal question such as are you ..... best answer is what is it to you?. Put 'em in their place and never apologise to idiots.

I know a few who do that and on my better NT imitation days I get quite good at being sneakily scarcastic (an NT skill). But I can only do it for so long as its not natural unlike an NT.

I have taken a page from my oldest son and now sometomes say " Can I say something random?"  as a warning/clarification for out of the blue statements.

Where is that random thread?

I guess thats all that I can get the idiots to understand, after all, being polite and ignoring them will only make them talk about me more, and ask even dumber questions.

That will shut them up!

Throughout school life I've had similar pointless and often stupid comments or questions that have little or no point in them as they already know the answer to them already.  In my experience, I'm trying not to generalise but most people who say the stupid comments are the bullies who have nothing better to do and enjoy making me feel uncomfortable, upset and angry.

Yes, they soon tire of it and move on to someone else.  It's rather hard to ignore them when they repeatedly ask the same questions over again when they know the answers already.  Some of the questions I've received are:  The only problem is, is that I never can think up 'snappy' replies on the spot...only afterwards do I think them up and that's too late....

"Do you like the Lion King?"-yes, of course I do and you know I do.

"Have you started your period?"-Well of course you know I have because blo*** Rebecca Kenyon told you I have.

"Why do you stare at nothing?"-Because I escape into fantasy land instead of being stuck in reality.

'Why are you so slow?"-...I never could figure this one out.

"Why do you get so over emotional at everything?"-......

"Why can't you take a joke?"-because they are either hurtful or pointless.

My sister is very sarcastic and can think up replies as soon as they are said to her....I'm not able to do that, I'm to 'shy' and to slow in saying quick comeback remarks.  I shall just have to bring amy (my sister) along with me to give comeback remarks at people..like the other day, when we went into town (we got ice cream but that's besides the point), this 'kid' said along the lines of "She's weird, she keeps staring at nothing..." my sister hearing this (obviously it was in Swiss-german) was so quick to say along the lines of 'at least it's better than looking at you.'  I love my sister for her evilness that day and was grateful for her defense of me because normally she rarely bothers.

"The fact that your daughter can't find her way to the school office is very interesting to me.(-Hinting at either retardation or some kind of other issue like that-)"

"She's never been there before."

"...Oh."

Keep in mind

CRAP!

I clicked the wrong button and couldn't go back.

The last part of the post was supposed to say

"Keep in mind that the bold was my mum, and the not-bold was the school vice-principal and I was in kindergarten."

At the same school I've also had two unpleasant experiences with scribes, resulting in stupid comments.

"Let's try to stay on the writing topic"

When she didn't even ask WHY I was making a  wave hit them. So instead I had to write a generic story about why everybody wins in life, and how if you hate people that hate you then you're a 'bad person', instead of the two characters being hit by the wave, swept away by it, and end up having a disagreement about how to get off of it.

Jeez!

Oh, and the other bad thing was that the scribe I had for an L.A exam in the third grade didn't speak English.

There is a house very near my primary school which is called "The White House", because it's.....a house and it's .....white!!!!