Hi
I would like some advice. I have been diagnosed with depression for over a year. I was reading about AS and I can clearly see myself in it.
I am worried that bringing it up with my psychiatrist / social worker will result in them just thinking that its the depression, and changing my meds again. I take anti-depressants and anti-psychotics, but they only seem to work for a couple months.
Your Aspie score: 146 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
My "Geek Test" was 25
i will post the other scores when I do them.
anyone care to comment? on one hand, if I am AS, i know that its not just crazy thoughts in my head, but on the other hand, it means that its not 'just a phase' that i'll easily get over.
I have to go for now, but I will post some more of my history when I have a chance.
Thanks
*EQL*
Can you list, specifically, what makes you think you have AS? The "crazy thoughts", especially.
A description of AS. Check the official diagnostic criteria (middle of the page) especially.
Re. "just a phase": AS is permanent; but one can learn the skills Aspies are weak at using.
Depression is a problem, and a common one for Aspies. I have AS+ADHD+Depression; and the Depression makes the bad parts of the AS and ADHD worse, and masks the good parts. Even if you have Asperger's, you probably also have depression--the depression was just apparent first, especially since your psychiatrist knows more about depression since he sees it more often.
Whether or not you are an Aspie, controlling your depression will make your life a heck of a lot easier. Don't worry about your psychiatrist changing your meds for AS--Asperger's generally isn't medicated at all, or else medicated for stuff like anxiety or seizures, which are related but not the AS itself.
Ask about AS in the tone of, "I think I match this brain type... Is there a way I can make this work for me instead of against me?" rather than "Hey, I have a problem and you'd better fix it!"
AS can work for you when it comes to depression, just as it can work against you. On the bad side, you have low social skills an are thus isolated or even ridiculed, giving you a weak support system and probably low self esteem. On the good side, you're logical enough to depend on fact rather than emotion longer than most people; and you probably have obsessive interests which bring you joy longer, and thus stick around during depression longer, than most people's interests would.
Living with AS is all about learning more about yourself--skills, talents, weaknesses, interests, stressors, emotional makeup. The more you know, the more you can make AS work for you. It's really a lot of self-discovery; most of us weren't taught the things we as Aspies needed to know, either at school or at home; so we're only now as teens or adults understanding the gaps we need to fill in.
Whether or not you're an Aspie--you might just have Aspie traits rather than full blown AS--I welcome you to the forum.
thanks!
I know this is REALLY long.. once I started i couldnt stop. If someone wouldnt mind reading/skimming it and tell me their thoughts it would be greatly appreciated!
Ok, so I said Id give some more history.. so here's what I can think of for now...
crazy thoughts: a lot of "he/she doesnt like me/doesnt want me to hang with them/doesnt invite me", not being able to switch topics in conversations very easily, the concept of 'just hanging out' perplexes me! I can never tell whether someone is tired/mad at me/upset/frustrated or whether they are just stating something, or accusing me. I find myself often feeling like I need to appologize, even thought I can't figure out what i've done wrong. People find me very easy to approach and get along with at first, but after a week or so they move on to other friends and stay away from me. i usually tell people who have no choice to be around me (like work or school) to just tell me if I'm doing something annoying, and often I end up being told that I correct them a lot (facts), talk very loud about the same thing all the time, and that I will make totally unrelated comments to the topic at hand (I always have a relation.. they just can't see it). because of this i end up hiding in my room where I dont have to figure out body language and try to understand their emotions. I have a very difficult time following conversations in noisy places. I wear hearing aids (even though my hearing is just borderline in need of them) and in classes I use a personal system that helps eliminate a lot of the background noise. i find people my own age very difficult to understand. I love working with children, and older adults tend to not be as weirded out by me.
Ok.. so here's an example of my typical day:
8am - alarm goes off
8:30 - get up, go pee, get dressed, pack school bag, go downstairs for breakfast
Everyday I have a chocolat muffin and a strawberry banana smoothie
I drink my smoothie on the way to class. If I am running a little late I get a tea on break, otherwise I get it on the way to class.
Breaks between classes: Depending on the day, I will either go to the library, surf the net, or workout
After classes I go back to residence, go into my room, and 'relax' (usually surf the net or watch my fav tv show online)
7pm - dinner - usually a chicken ceasar wrap or a ham and cheese sandwhich with milk.
8pm - try to do homework - I often never get around to doing it
12-2am - will go to bed at some point when I am tired.
I find one of my biggest challenges everyday is transitions between activities. It takes me a long time to switch, and I like keeping things as same as previous. It takes me 1/2 an hour to get out of bed every morning. I hate showering or brushing my teeth, eating, sleeping (im fine once im in the process... its just making that switch). I always sit in the same seat in class, and I don't know what to do with myself if someone else is sitting there, or the room has been rearranged.
On the plus side, I learn VERY quickly if it is something I find interesting. while other people in my program at school will spend days studying for a test, I can review the night before and still get perfect or near perfect.
Looking back I can see signs of AS/ASD all through my childhood. My mother passed away when I was 10, and my father was very distant, so there is no one who can give a detailed account of what I was like as a child. All I have to go on is what I remember, but here are some of the things:
fights - I would get into a fight (i guess kinda like an out of control tantrum, but not really kicking screaming on the floor) with teachers almost every year. In kindergym I had some problem with a teacher, something to do with a jungle gym, and my mom never took me back there. Usually once a year in elementary school I would have a fit/fight for something others would probably consider as unimportant. somehow the message was never relayed to my parents, either because my mom was sick or my dad was too focused on physical things (not emotional). I can remember when I was very little (3, 4 or 5 maybe?) I went to get my hearing checked, because I would always talk loud. (there were probably other reasons, but there is no one to ask). numerous times I would have these uncontrollable fits at school, often was something was different then normal in routine (one was because the class went to gym, but my teacher wanted me to rewrite an assignment). i had horrible spelling and grammar until this past year or two. Up until grade 8 (approx14) I thought "Though' was spelt "tho", and could not spell 'ghost' no matter how hard I tried (i used to want to spell it 'goast', but i would look at it and know that it wasnt right, i just couldnt figure out what was right... it still makes no sense to me why 'goat' and 'ghost' are spelt so differently!!)
I had, and still have, very few friends. I was ignored by the other children (or maybe i ignored them.. i dont know), and stuck with my best friends (3 girls who were kind of shy and lived nearby to me). In high school I was bullied very badly. I always seemed to be the leader and outgoing at first, but i think this was more of me being nervous or fed up with the lack of organization in getting things done. Even now, I am usually the initial leader, and once everyone else gets comfortable I will fall back into my own world.
I have always prefered to go out on a bike ride alone, imagining a story, then to go over to a friends house with no plan of what to do. I was never good at dolls. I was always taking stuff apart. I used to take my fathers tools to take things apart. a friend and i used to go for walks looking for interesting things to take apart on garbage day, then we would spend a week taking it apart and figuring out how it worked.
I have never liked things in big groups without rules. i didn't mind sports, because they had defined rules, but I hated reccess. When I was younger I'd spend my reccess picking up garbage in the school yard, and when I was older my 2 or 3 friends and I would pace the yard talking about whatever.
I have always had 'touch' issues. I couldnt step on cracks. if i touched something with one hand, i had to touch it with the other. I constantly stretch and count. I would count the sidewalk stones to school (467), the number of poles we past in the car... anything that i could count.
I find one of the worst parts is that everyday i have no way of understanding people. Does he/she like me? Are they still mad with me (for whatever i did... cause I don't know what I did), are they fed up with me? would they rather that I not tag along? The jobs i like to do (working with kids) requires contact with people my own age... something I am pretty bad at. I am great with kids, but I dont understand people my own age. i dont understand how they can play games at work, joke while working, have 'inside jokes'. So i end up feeling left out. I have a difficult time when they change rules/routines at work, and some people seem awkward when we are talking.
I wonder how I am going to do in life if I cant understand people. I constantly worry about my job, because I don't know if being wierd can get me fired. i get my job done, but i guess im not the most normal person. I have to force myself to shower and brush my teeth. if i can shower 3x a week, and brush my teeth at least once, then I consider that to be good. I rarely buy new clothes. never for style, always for comfort. i could care less how i look. I have one 'interview' outfit, and i have only worn a dress for prom in the last 7 years. I hate talking on the phone, I love MSN, and i love reasearching topics i find interesting. I know all the different products that staples offers (and what is on what page of the catalogue). I could sit and flip through catalogues for hours, so surfing the web about 'epilepsy' or 'blood disorders', which is actually how i came upon the info on AS/ASD.
anyway, thats all for now folks, Im sure I will add more later as I think of it!
thanks,
*EQL*
ok.. .i thought of a few things that I left out to do with 'touch'...
I am always stretching/flexing my legs and arms. I tap my feet, cross my legs, bite my fingernails, chew on random things. I constantly clean my nails with pushpins, scratch the dandruff from my head. i always have to use the same kind of pen (bic everflow), and liquid highlighters. I am always moving one of my extremilities (whether its tapping my foot, clenching muscles, twisting my arms, twisting my hands, cracking joints, etc etc)
thanks... hopefully thats it for the night!!
*EQL*
can anyone give me some feedback plz???
*EQL*