02-11-2007, 08:32 AM
Hi I am new to the forum. Recently a friend and I had been speaking about a few of my personal problems. My social ineptitude, anxieties, escapist tendencies and such things that have been giving me trouble my whole life. The friend is aquainted with someone with Asperger's disorder and had read about some of the symptoms. I agree that some things I've read about it now seem to mirror aspects of myself. However, I would like some of your opinions to decide whether I should bring this up to a therapist/psychiatrist.
I found this forum and decided to take some of the online tests listed in a sticky thread. The http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html test result was a 34.
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php results:
Your Aspie score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 44 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
I also tried a test that asked me to describe the emotion someone is expressing in just their eyes as I got a bit more than half right.
In the past, when I was around 17 (I'm 23 now,) I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety disorder. I wasn't very good with keeping the appointments, for various reasons such as absent mindedness. What I can tell you about the psychiatrist was that I felt like she didn't ask me anything that would get to the bottom of my issues, she mostly just medicated. As for the therapist, she at one point wanted to hospitilize me because I expressed a thought to her that she viewed as suicidal. I told her sometimes when I am driving I want to leave the correct lanes, swerve into the oncoming ones, etc. This was more a wish to deviate from the rules of reality than anything else. So visits with her ended soon after that.
Over the years I've had a few obsessions, some that I have retained from childhood. The most notable is my affinity for fantasy fiction in movies and books. J.R.R. Tolkien has been my favorite since I was about 8 and I read all of his books. Since then I had read many supplimental material like Tolkien encyclopedias and language dictionaries just to soak up all I could of his world. Lately I am very fixated on anime and Japanese culture and have been hoping to learn the language, while still retaining my love for the fantasy genre. I'm not sure these count as Asperger type obsessions or if they are more a result of escapism.
From childhood to this day I have been caught "spacing out" looking out of windows, or staring at nothing, sometimes thinking. Occasionally I did and still do talk to myself. As a little girl I would sometimes even get left behind if I was walking with my parents or other adults if something caught my attention, I wouldn't even notice they had left me. All my life I have also gotten so engrossed in what I was doing, watching tv or reading that I cannot hear someone talking to me. I am called shy because I don't say much unless I am comfortable with the person and because of my spacing out.
In my interactions with other people I am completely avoidant of eye contact. If I do glance at someone's eyes I immediately look away involuntarily. I find the prospect of most social situations terrifying and I would rather stay at home. From work and school. At my job I have been accused of ignoring others or being miserable because my face tends to take on a zombie-like expression and I stare through people or at the floor. Sometimes it takes a while for someone to get my attention if I have spaced out in this way. I find smiling akward and don't do it much in pictures. Sometimes I find it hard to relate to other people's emotions, say if they are sad for some reason or another. But I can feel and cry over my own sadness fairly readily, even a movie or book more readily than for another person.
My family and friends have made some observations about me that trouble me. My mother says I have no common sense. Indeed I find it hard to know how to act in situations that others are involved in all the time. Calling people on the phone, figuring out wording on forms for insurance and such, etc. A lot of times I need things spelled out for me very clearly or else I make mistakes. Occasionally I must ask people to repeat themselves to make sure I have heard them correctly so I can do something they have asked. Its like it goes in one ear and out the other at times.
At school I find it hard to pay attention to the droning of a professor and notes sloppy and I rarely use them to study. Many times my attention would be drawn away from homework towards my hobbies. With a text book I am not interested in, I will sometimes read a passage multiple times without having absorbed it, sometimes the words themselves blur in front of my eyes. As for group projects or speaking in front of the class about myself or an assignment I get panicky and tend to stutter and talk too fast, on more than a few occasions I have been asked to read aloud and I run out of breath and stumble unable to control the speed the words come out.
I thought I might give some recent examples of interactions I found worrysome after the fact.
At a family member's wedding we stood in line to greet the bride and groom. I had been sick for a few weeks and had actually been in a minor car accident two nights before. When asked how I was I replied "Not too good." I was told by my mother that this was an extremely inappropriate response because it was supposed to be a happy day for them and I should not bring them down by saying things like that. I felt bad for it all night.
Expanding on this concept of politeness, I often forget about things like birthdays and holidays. Days I should call my family or send a gift, possibly because I am too absorbed in myself. Often I jut don't realise it matter until someone tells me they are hurt that I was not more thoughtful that it was father's day or something and I did not contact them. Sometimes I go for a long time between contacting important peope in my life, I have a poor concept of time and the importance of keeping in touch. I feel bad afterwards but them I just continue to be absent minded and people view that as me being rude or ungrateful.
Sometime when holding a conversation I refer to things as if the other person should know what I am talking about, when in reality they would have no way of knowing. I find myself doing that a lot actually, assuming people are on the same page as me just because I know something or refer to it a certain way.
My best friend has told me sometimes I get annoying when I talk about whatever it is I am obsessed with. I tend to repeat myself sometimes and am very long winded. Now in the back of my mind I have to remind myself, as fascinating as I think something is it is possible I am boring other people.
I find that this post is probably getting too long winded as well so I will stop here. Any thoughts or opinions about my post are appreciated. I would truly like to know if any of you can offer fresh insight into my problems as they are quite confusing to me. I would like nothing more than to be able to categorize myself and work through the knots that have formed in my life and my brain.
Thanks.
I found this forum and decided to take some of the online tests listed in a sticky thread. The http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html test result was a 34.
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php results:
Your Aspie score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 44 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
I also tried a test that asked me to describe the emotion someone is expressing in just their eyes as I got a bit more than half right.
In the past, when I was around 17 (I'm 23 now,) I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety disorder. I wasn't very good with keeping the appointments, for various reasons such as absent mindedness. What I can tell you about the psychiatrist was that I felt like she didn't ask me anything that would get to the bottom of my issues, she mostly just medicated. As for the therapist, she at one point wanted to hospitilize me because I expressed a thought to her that she viewed as suicidal. I told her sometimes when I am driving I want to leave the correct lanes, swerve into the oncoming ones, etc. This was more a wish to deviate from the rules of reality than anything else. So visits with her ended soon after that.
Over the years I've had a few obsessions, some that I have retained from childhood. The most notable is my affinity for fantasy fiction in movies and books. J.R.R. Tolkien has been my favorite since I was about 8 and I read all of his books. Since then I had read many supplimental material like Tolkien encyclopedias and language dictionaries just to soak up all I could of his world. Lately I am very fixated on anime and Japanese culture and have been hoping to learn the language, while still retaining my love for the fantasy genre. I'm not sure these count as Asperger type obsessions or if they are more a result of escapism.
From childhood to this day I have been caught "spacing out" looking out of windows, or staring at nothing, sometimes thinking. Occasionally I did and still do talk to myself. As a little girl I would sometimes even get left behind if I was walking with my parents or other adults if something caught my attention, I wouldn't even notice they had left me. All my life I have also gotten so engrossed in what I was doing, watching tv or reading that I cannot hear someone talking to me. I am called shy because I don't say much unless I am comfortable with the person and because of my spacing out.
In my interactions with other people I am completely avoidant of eye contact. If I do glance at someone's eyes I immediately look away involuntarily. I find the prospect of most social situations terrifying and I would rather stay at home. From work and school. At my job I have been accused of ignoring others or being miserable because my face tends to take on a zombie-like expression and I stare through people or at the floor. Sometimes it takes a while for someone to get my attention if I have spaced out in this way. I find smiling akward and don't do it much in pictures. Sometimes I find it hard to relate to other people's emotions, say if they are sad for some reason or another. But I can feel and cry over my own sadness fairly readily, even a movie or book more readily than for another person.
My family and friends have made some observations about me that trouble me. My mother says I have no common sense. Indeed I find it hard to know how to act in situations that others are involved in all the time. Calling people on the phone, figuring out wording on forms for insurance and such, etc. A lot of times I need things spelled out for me very clearly or else I make mistakes. Occasionally I must ask people to repeat themselves to make sure I have heard them correctly so I can do something they have asked. Its like it goes in one ear and out the other at times.
At school I find it hard to pay attention to the droning of a professor and notes sloppy and I rarely use them to study. Many times my attention would be drawn away from homework towards my hobbies. With a text book I am not interested in, I will sometimes read a passage multiple times without having absorbed it, sometimes the words themselves blur in front of my eyes. As for group projects or speaking in front of the class about myself or an assignment I get panicky and tend to stutter and talk too fast, on more than a few occasions I have been asked to read aloud and I run out of breath and stumble unable to control the speed the words come out.
I thought I might give some recent examples of interactions I found worrysome after the fact.
At a family member's wedding we stood in line to greet the bride and groom. I had been sick for a few weeks and had actually been in a minor car accident two nights before. When asked how I was I replied "Not too good." I was told by my mother that this was an extremely inappropriate response because it was supposed to be a happy day for them and I should not bring them down by saying things like that. I felt bad for it all night.
Expanding on this concept of politeness, I often forget about things like birthdays and holidays. Days I should call my family or send a gift, possibly because I am too absorbed in myself. Often I jut don't realise it matter until someone tells me they are hurt that I was not more thoughtful that it was father's day or something and I did not contact them. Sometimes I go for a long time between contacting important peope in my life, I have a poor concept of time and the importance of keeping in touch. I feel bad afterwards but them I just continue to be absent minded and people view that as me being rude or ungrateful.
Sometime when holding a conversation I refer to things as if the other person should know what I am talking about, when in reality they would have no way of knowing. I find myself doing that a lot actually, assuming people are on the same page as me just because I know something or refer to it a certain way.
My best friend has told me sometimes I get annoying when I talk about whatever it is I am obsessed with. I tend to repeat myself sometimes and am very long winded. Now in the back of my mind I have to remind myself, as fascinating as I think something is it is possible I am boring other people.
I find that this post is probably getting too long winded as well so I will stop here. Any thoughts or opinions about my post are appreciated. I would truly like to know if any of you can offer fresh insight into my problems as they are quite confusing to me. I would like nothing more than to be able to categorize myself and work through the knots that have formed in my life and my brain.
Thanks.