02-09-2007, 07:39 PM
Hello. I'm a 17 year old girl, INTP personality type, for the curious. A friend recently informed me that he thought I might have asperger's, and upon looking up the symptoms/qualities, I've begun to think I might be an "aspie". I've talked to a few friends, but I tend to be very private and don't really share my personal anxieties, so they can't really help.
Reading about AS made everything make sense all of a sudden, but I'm not really sure so I thought I would come and ask.
Ever since I was a small kid, I've felt a lot of social anxiety. I feel like I can never tell what other people are thinking, or wanting, or expect of me, socially. I just can't tell at all and it causes a lot of paranoia that I'm embarressing myself. I am almost terrified of talking to strangers, not because they might harm me but because I don't know how to act. I'm very shy with people at first, and tend to closely watch people to see how they act and what they expect, and use that information to socialize with them. I go out of my way to try and hide any worries I have though, because I hate people to know I'm having troubles.
I read a description that said that people with AS can learn social skills like others learn piano, and that fits me perfectly. I've been sort of self treating for the last few years; I try to go out of my way to put myself in situations with lots of strangers, even though it makes me really uncomfortable, so that I can "learn" social behavoir. I mostly do this by taking jobs that offer that kind of environment, because I feel at least I have an excuse to be there. I still dislike going to casual social gatherings. As a kid, I also used to be "too honest", and say what I thought even if offensive; parental punishment has mostly squashed this but I still slip up sometimes. With people I know well I can still be kind of offensive, and occasionally don't know when to stop.
I started speaking early, according to my mother, and the descriptions of little professors are me exactly as a child. I loved/love mythology and history, and it's a popular family anecdote that after I saw the Disney Hercules, I was quite indigant at it's lack of mythological accuracy and would expound on it using complex speech to anyone who would lesson. I also began reading before I entered school around age 3, and would read fairly advanced books on mythology and history. Now I have very intense interests, mostly within history and archaeology, that tend to take priority over human relationships. My future career as an archaeologist takes priority in my mind over pretty everything else. I don't plan to get married, because - well, some political reasons, but also I guess I could say I don't see myself in any long term relationship like that because I don't expect other people to put up with being second always to my academic interests.
I love puns and wordplay - while as a kid I would take things really literally I've mostly learned to stop, but enjoy making jokes along those lines. I think of myself as being pretty logical - I tend to make decisions based mostly on logic and reason, and often will understand something in that sense but not emotionally. I'm not good at comforting people - I just don't really know how to do it, unless I'm actively fixing something or doing something to help them.
I have a boyfriend of a couple months, who is my first in several years. Previous to him I had just planned to be alone forever because relationships make me kind of neurotic; I'm just now realizing that with my guard down to the degree that seems to be really necessary for these kinds of things, it could be that a lot of AS that I'd learned to mask. It takes me ages to make decisions or answer simple questions about what I like or if he's allowed to do something,and my speech when in close situations tends to get more complex and I use a wider vocabulary. My paranoia of not knowing what people want or expect gets extreme and while I generally conceal it, it comes out and in private can make me kind of miserable. I feel like nothing social comes naturally to me, and in romantic situations that I haven't really spent time observing I have trouble knowing how to act.
Some traits don't fit me however; I'm not really clumsy - I occasionally walk into doorframes by turning too sharply, and had some trouble with printing as a kid but now my handwriting is fine. I write almost exclusively in cursive. I have kind of OC hygiene - not really because I worry about what other people think, but I can't stand to have greasy hair or to have sweat on me for too long.
I'm sure I'm forgetting some things, but I just really want other opinions. I don't feel at all comfortable talking to my parents - I have a bad relationship with them and don't like to share anything private. I also dislike sharing personal details with my friends, though for some reason complete strangers aren't an issue, hah. Thank you! I may just be weird I guess, but it can't hurt.
Reading about AS made everything make sense all of a sudden, but I'm not really sure so I thought I would come and ask.
Ever since I was a small kid, I've felt a lot of social anxiety. I feel like I can never tell what other people are thinking, or wanting, or expect of me, socially. I just can't tell at all and it causes a lot of paranoia that I'm embarressing myself. I am almost terrified of talking to strangers, not because they might harm me but because I don't know how to act. I'm very shy with people at first, and tend to closely watch people to see how they act and what they expect, and use that information to socialize with them. I go out of my way to try and hide any worries I have though, because I hate people to know I'm having troubles.
I read a description that said that people with AS can learn social skills like others learn piano, and that fits me perfectly. I've been sort of self treating for the last few years; I try to go out of my way to put myself in situations with lots of strangers, even though it makes me really uncomfortable, so that I can "learn" social behavoir. I mostly do this by taking jobs that offer that kind of environment, because I feel at least I have an excuse to be there. I still dislike going to casual social gatherings. As a kid, I also used to be "too honest", and say what I thought even if offensive; parental punishment has mostly squashed this but I still slip up sometimes. With people I know well I can still be kind of offensive, and occasionally don't know when to stop.
I started speaking early, according to my mother, and the descriptions of little professors are me exactly as a child. I loved/love mythology and history, and it's a popular family anecdote that after I saw the Disney Hercules, I was quite indigant at it's lack of mythological accuracy and would expound on it using complex speech to anyone who would lesson. I also began reading before I entered school around age 3, and would read fairly advanced books on mythology and history. Now I have very intense interests, mostly within history and archaeology, that tend to take priority over human relationships. My future career as an archaeologist takes priority in my mind over pretty everything else. I don't plan to get married, because - well, some political reasons, but also I guess I could say I don't see myself in any long term relationship like that because I don't expect other people to put up with being second always to my academic interests.
I love puns and wordplay - while as a kid I would take things really literally I've mostly learned to stop, but enjoy making jokes along those lines. I think of myself as being pretty logical - I tend to make decisions based mostly on logic and reason, and often will understand something in that sense but not emotionally. I'm not good at comforting people - I just don't really know how to do it, unless I'm actively fixing something or doing something to help them.
I have a boyfriend of a couple months, who is my first in several years. Previous to him I had just planned to be alone forever because relationships make me kind of neurotic; I'm just now realizing that with my guard down to the degree that seems to be really necessary for these kinds of things, it could be that a lot of AS that I'd learned to mask. It takes me ages to make decisions or answer simple questions about what I like or if he's allowed to do something,and my speech when in close situations tends to get more complex and I use a wider vocabulary. My paranoia of not knowing what people want or expect gets extreme and while I generally conceal it, it comes out and in private can make me kind of miserable. I feel like nothing social comes naturally to me, and in romantic situations that I haven't really spent time observing I have trouble knowing how to act.
Some traits don't fit me however; I'm not really clumsy - I occasionally walk into doorframes by turning too sharply, and had some trouble with printing as a kid but now my handwriting is fine. I write almost exclusively in cursive. I have kind of OC hygiene - not really because I worry about what other people think, but I can't stand to have greasy hair or to have sweat on me for too long.
I'm sure I'm forgetting some things, but I just really want other opinions. I don't feel at all comfortable talking to my parents - I have a bad relationship with them and don't like to share anything private. I also dislike sharing personal details with my friends, though for some reason complete strangers aren't an issue, hah. Thank you! I may just be weird I guess, but it can't hurt.