Aspies For Freedom

I believe I have AS.  But, I'm also not very intelligent.  If you read my other posts you'll find that I detail my difficulties in school (yes, I even had difficulty in classes designed for nutmegs, like "Integrated Math") in great detail.

Perhaps high intelligence with AS is another stereotype, along the line of the Math stereotype?

So the story continues:  It appeared that I needed special treatment in most classes beyond 9th grade, and not just because of social anxiety.

For when the material required one to grasp a complex big picture, I would usually fail.  I didn't know which end was up.  And that seemed to be how *all* the material was presented when I got past 9th grade, and then I really started failing.  No one could understand why I couldn't grasp material that was so easy for others in my age group.  I wasn't in any honors classes, either.

It seemed that if the material was broken down into small, short logical steps, which connected to each other and kept building, I could understand it.  I was also able to use insignificant details to grasp a more abstract picture.  But usually, I couldn't do this.  It took too long to go through this process, and I was overwhelmed.

Now, I have had intense self-loathing for probably 10 years now, regarding my problems in school and the expectations of people around me.  People around me think, since I'm intelligent in other areas (e.g., many say I'm a decent writer), I should be able to go to school.  But I have tried it, and it seems I have a MASSIVE deficit in multitasking that clashes with too many facets of schooling.

Is trouble with multitasking common with AS?  Or is that more common within a certain sub-group of people with AS?

I have been told that being poor in school means that you lack intelligence.  Or, others have implied it.  They also think I'm immature for not trying hard enough.  And I believe all these things.

For this reason I hate myself, whether I have AS or not.  And I've kept the self-destruction ball rolling, because I feel a need to punish myself endlessly, for something others can do *so* easily, and I can barely do at all.

Any thoughts?  BTW I know this post is too long, so you don't have to quote the whole thing.  Maybe just quote one or two paragraphs and give me some thoughts..?

I have got to hate myself.  I suck at everything.  As an Aspie I wasn't even given too many goods, besides strong verbal IQ, and some creativity.

I am not even working at this time, and I fear my family is a bit ashamed.  They know I'm pretty intelligent, of course, but if I'm not working, it doesn't go over well.

I have taken all the wrong jobs for someone with AS.  But, I am only realizing now that I have AS.

For example at my last job, I was required to be in social situations that were extremely uncomfortable for me.  Meeting new people was something of a chore.

The other requirement at the job was multitasking, and put that together with "figuring out" the right social response in every new situation, eventually I felt like I had "processor overload."

I remember going home every night, really pissed off that some of my coworkers were cold, and made sarcastic jokes about my "newness" at the job, and occasionally the "obvious questions" I would ask.  To say you're kidding is not enough for a literal-minded person, who doesn't read sarcasm well.  This is common among AS people, if my knowledge is correct.

My father thinks I was either fired from that job (as I had been an alcoholic at the time), or he has said I'm a complete bum.  He has also said, at times, I should be thrown out of the house.

Want a good image?  Here:

"The homeless Aspie.  The most flexible, streetsmart rover of the urban underground we know of.  Able to convince people of anything, able to adjust to any situation, whether wind, cold, or rain, able to swindle his way to the top of the social ladder on the streets.  He is not to be denied."

God KNOWS what would happen if I was kicked out!

Their teaching style does not match your learning style. That doesn't make you less intelligent. If you were taught in a way that you found easier to understand, you'd get good grades.

I appear to understand something best if I could sketch it out visually, being an artist, and I simply cannot properly understand a book when it's simply being read to me. I have to read it myself to understand it. I can also understand something better if I can compare it with something I'm already familiar with. This is why I like classes that explains something visually instead of orally.

I am a horrible auditory learner.

It appears your verbal ability, like mine, is also idiosyncratic.  Average reader, excellent writer, but poor listening skills.

It appears that "general linguistics," is tied to auditory skills, which also connect somehow to math.  I would imagine that the best Math Aspies have at least average auditory skills.

Visual skills seem to be tied to vocabulary, and general creativity.  That's how it works out for me, anyway.  I seem to have a more "detailed" internal visual world, than anyone I'd ever known.  It appears to be associative, and my longterm memory is *incredible.*

But for all that, I suck at everything else.

I generally did well academically, but by fifth grade I was struggling a bit in some areas, especially in maths, but hid it as I was ashamed and thought my parents would be angry with me.

The best way I could learn is through copying and summarising information off a blackboard or book or by having somebody sit down with me and show me how to do things. Auditory learning is not my strong point, but I can generally manage if it is accompanied by visual presentations.

Not doing well academically is in NO WAY an indication of lack of intelligence. Some people who are not particularly smart do well in school because they spend a great deal of time studying and are very determined to do well or because they are predominantly auditory learners.

Others who are much brighter do not do so well because they become alienated or because their preferred learning style is not catered for in the school system. They are often the children who would benefit from being homeschooled.

I have felt like a failure because despite a gifted IQ, I didn't finish the university course I stared and feel I let my parents down. But then again only 25% got through and I now realise I was quite unsuited for that course.

Some Aspie friends of mine did poorly at school because of learning disabilities (I would actually call them "teaching disabilities" because these young men are all very intelligent and have good knowledge in certain areas - it was only that the traditional teaching methods didn't suit them).

Batman 55, I probably can't tell you not to hate yourself because sometimes I am really down on myself too, but please try not to blame yourself for everything that has gone wrong. I think you are doing very well, considering, and that is something I must learn to tell myself more often also.

I always wanted to drive. I passed my test 21 days after my 17th birthday. I saw it as my freedom. I know alot of men who can't drive. Mostly they either can't cope with the multi-tasking or they can drive but can't cope with the test. I am obsessed with cars so I know alot about them but I am not creative at all so I lack those skills. For example if I was in an art class drawing say an apple I would draw a diagram of the apple and not a picture of the apple that gives it meaning, with shading for light and texture, etc. I only see the purpose in things rather than their asthetics so I lack the inspiration of creativity. I am the same with books. I don't enjoy stories that don't relate to reality. Each person has different skills and talents. We are all intelligent in some ways. Self-loathing is not good at all. Just out of interest do you keep a diary?

This could apply to me. The main difference is that I make the sketch in my head. My main problem is that I am bad for recalling names and dates. Nevertheless, I can cope with this if I make an effort to "see" the name or date "written" in my head. Also I can picture it in several languages: If I imagine some specific sentence written in spanish, then english, french and even japanese (sometimes as I know just too little), there is no way I could forget it.

You just have to identify your strong points and integrate them in your learning process.

For the record, math was one of my worst subjects.  Everyone in my classes seemed to learn a new math...thing...before I did.  Geometry, especially.  I liked algebra, but everything else with numbers was difficult.  I couldn't even measure using a ruler for a while.

I liked English better, and history.  Maybe because math problems always had just one answer, and that's constricting.

<hugs>

Athie

That's silly. If you don't measure up to the standards, you need some new standards. How can you do any more than your best? (And by "your best", I mean including things like motivation and other things that have an effect on your output, not just your theoretical best under the best possible circumstances.)

You don't deserve to be "hard on yourself"; no one deserves that. I understand wanting to do your best; I understand being disappointed when you don't; I understand pushing the limits of what you can do. But when you start to get discouraged just because you don't do what, under the circumstances, you weren't capable of in the first place, it doesn't make sense anymore.

has it occurred to you you might have a learning disability batman? I had troubles learning myself when I was in school so I had to be in special ed.

How so?

Self help skills is like brushing your teeth, being able to do things other people can do. I didn't start brushing my own teeth till I was 8. Before, my mother had to do it for me. First time I ever washed my own hair was when I was 9 and I didn't do a very good job so my mother had to help me and I was 10 when I was finally washing my own hair. I just did things late other kids were already doing a few years before. Me learning things late other kids had already learned in school was caused by me being in speciel ed with other *** kids when I was 6 and 7 so I didn't do school work normal kids were doing (that part wouldn't be the PDD). I was just given the same work over and over I already knew how to do and my mother got me out of that class when I was 8 and I had to mainstream speciel ed to do catch up in education by doing first grade school work so after a while after learning all the math steps, I was able to understand carrying and borrowing and I was all caught up by the time I was in 4th grade but then my learning disability started to show when I was in 5th grade. I've read about some aspies have a learning disability too.
I don't know if this is something aspies have too, but sometimes it takes me a while to understand something or grasp onto somethings.

Actually I didn't know the difference. I thought you go to school, do addition and subtraction, be read to, go on lot of field trips, do lot of activities, do your name and address, do copy and paste assignments, I thought that's what school was about. Not go in and learn history and about your state and learn more math problems and more reading, etc. Wehn I go to regular ed for PE, music or library, I noticed how there was lack of toys and books and the kids were doing different things than my class did but I thought they had a strange classroom and a weird teacher. I even noticed how different their music and Library was than my own class. I was 8 when i realized I was doing kidnergarden work and my mother had given me a tour of the new school she was going to put me in and I saw how different all of the classes were and the teachers and she even showed me my class I was going to be in and I figured out they didn't to toy time because they didn't have any toys.

My mother blames me having troubles figuring stuff out and right from wrong from speciel ed I was in for two years but no I get told NT kids wouldn't have that trouble even if they were stuck in the same class. Kids in that class all had different rules and it was confusing. It was okay for one boy with Down syndrome who run in the classroom with his pants pulled down, it was okay for an autstic boy to not share a basketball so he had his own ball. He loved basketball and always did shooting hoops on the playground, it was okay for this one girl to scream and holler whenever touched, each speciel kid had their own speciel rule and the NORMS all had the same ones. There were even other kids who didn't belong in that class either.

Here is information on self help skills:


http://www.parentingme.com/selfhelp.htm


So I was a little slow in some things like bruhsing my teeth, washing my hair but I could always feed myself and dress myself and I knew how to put things away. My mother told me I have always loved cleaning and Dad has taken movies of me putting things away when I was 4 years old. My mother would know more about my development and she remembers more things about me than I remember. When I watch family movies, I look like a normal little girl and seemed to act normal, depsite my speech delay in my early childhood but at age 6 I was talking a lot. At age 5 I was hard to understand. Before, I hardly spoke and only said single words.

It be hard for me to go for another diagnoses because I don't remmeber everything abouy my skills and when I started doing this and that. I'd need my mother and I don't know how she take it if I told her the AS might have been a mistake and it should have been PDD. She has gotton defensive in the past when I ask her about myself.

That's another reaosn why people don't go for a diagnoses because they don't know all the information from their past and it be hard for them to get a diagnoses anyway. Not all of them have parents to ask about themselves or they are in denial.

I wonder why it says in the AS criteria there is no delay in cognitive, self help skills and adaptive behavior if aspies are slow in those skills. Maybe they don't have AS either and they get diagnosed with it anyway.