My fiancee just said she doesn't think I'm very responsible at all, like I can't do anything for myself and she has to help me or do it for me.
I never thought of myself that way, but it looks like she's right. I knew I had trouble, but I felt like I'd been working on it and I'd been doing okay.
Hmm... sometimes it's just that people have different priorities of what needs to be done. Other times learning what needs to be done comes with age and experience. Sometimes people just need lists of what they should do to help them remember, or friendly reminders.
Have her make a list of things she does for you that she thinks you should do for yourself, go over the list and see if you agree with her. It could be that she is right about a couple of things and that some of the things are just her preference she is turning into an issue.
Either way, you should be equals and work together on deciding what it is you should or shouldn't be doing and how much help she wants to give or you want to do for yourself.
Just because you think differently and certain things don't come to your mind to be done doesn't mean you aren't capable of being responsible - and just because she wants things in a certain way at a certain time done doesn't mean she's right about it needing to be done in that way at that time.
Stay on the same side though - don't let it turn into a tug of war fighting over who gets to 'win'.
It's more of a negotiation sort of thing. Let her know you care about how she feels, you just want things to be fair all the way around. (People like to know you care about how they feel)
To answer the question - YES, sometimes I have legitimate problems being responsible due to my preference for avoiding the discomfort and distress that comes with doing things like making phone calls to going to the doctors to cleaning out disgusting sinks full of nasty wet food. BLECH!
But, what I'm learning to do is to lesson the stress of these things when I can and when I can't working with my husband to help do the things that would make me freak. Since he understands me, and believes that my heart is in the right place (that I'm not just being lazy) he is willing to work with me.
At the same time - he doesn't always do what I want him to do (what I think he should do) without me asking... it's not that he WON'T clean the bathroom, it's just that his brain doesn't see details of it being dirty. But if I ask him to do it at a time when he can, he'll do it.
Communication in a friendly way and giving each other the benefit of the doubt is key.
my mom still packs my soccer bag, and she packs my suite case if we go on vacation.
Communication in a friendly way and giving each other the benefit of the doubt is key.
I'm moving in with you, that is exactly the sort of belief that I have with Gemma and would like to be reciprocated.
I hope she does think the same way as it would be only fair.
Yes, I'm quite irresponsible.
I used to be quite flattered that people always mistook me for being younger than I am. Until I realised that it's because (a) I do look younger -- I think my Aspieness means I don't make so many facial expressions and therefore haven't gained creases and wrinkles in my face and (b) it's also because I behave so irresponsibly and immaturely.
A lot of responsibility scares me as I think I can't handle too much at one time and the idea that we look younger because of fewer facial expressions is probably true. I don't have many crow's feet around the eyes because of not smiling a lot and just a couple of light frown lines in the middle of the forehead.
hmm well thanks everyone. I've thought about what you said and it's helped clear stuff up a bit I think.
My fiancee just said she doesn't think I'm very responsible at all, like I can't do anything for myself and she has to help me or do it for me.
I never thought of myself that way, but it looks like she's right. I knew I had trouble, but I felt like I'd been working on it and I'd been doing okay.
She sounds like a nasty bitch to me
I have almost a phobia about responsibility. Ever since I was eleven, when I used to baby-sit my younger sisters; I used to be completely panicked the whole time that something bad would happen, and I wouldn't know what to do.
Now I'm 25, still living at home, and I can't go anywhere without a family member right next to me...and even then, it's usually hard.
<hugs>
Athie
That sounds hard to deal with, you need to break that bond somehow as it's not natural and what about situations where only you can attend - job interviews, doctors appointments
I don't really know what people mean when they say that I am not responsible enough?
Like you doing things for yourself instead of letting someone else do them - doing your own cooking and cleaning for example. Or maybe you do something that is reckless, say spend money on something you can't really afford or where the money should have been used for something else.
I can be responsible about spending and getting bills paid but get very nervous about being put in charge of teaching somebody or looking after people I don't know. Being the eldest in the family, I was originally expected to watch over the younger kids, but my parents soon found out I wasn't ready to cope with that kind of responsibility.