When people say "anything" and nothing" and "always" in that way, they are usually wrong.
For her to say you can't do "anything" for yourself is silly. How did you survive before she came along? Was someone chewing your food for you? I don't think so.
"Stay on the same side though - don't let it turn into a tug of war fighting over who gets to 'win'. It's more of a negotiation sort of thing. "
Wow -- so true. That's what I didn't like about "you can't do anything for yourself" -- it frames it as "you're 100% wrong, so I'm 100% right."
When my boyfriend and I were first living together, there were a thousand of these little things (he's aspie, I have ADHD, so you can imagine.) As 7oclock said, many of the problems were a matter of "that's really important to you? I didn't realize that. I'll try to do better with it." --
Example: Erich pays all his bills on the exact day they're due. I pay mine -- well, before I have to go to jail for not paying them. I had no idea that it caused him enormous anxiety to see a bill sitting on my desk, unopened, for a week or twelve.
Is that irresponsible of me? Sure. but i don't care. But I DO care about Erich feeling anxious, so we set up an online bill paying system where almost all my bills are paid automatically. Not that I care about the bills, but I care about Erich's feelings.
I can't be responsible if my life depended on it
ok maybe that was a false statement, i can be sometimes but most of the time no