Aspies For Freedom

I like your approach. It sounds constructive and informational rather than confrontational and critical.

My mom used to say "Kill them with kindness."  In other words, if someone at work or school acts grouchy and mean toward you, act extra sweet and nice toward them.  I've enjoyed making a project of disarming grouchy "mean" people, especially older ones.  

Example:  I joined a club who had an older member on the board that had been in the club for many years. He acted very snobby and grouchy and even asked me what I was doing joining their club, like I wasn't their kind. I made it my project to soften him up with flattery and being nice. It's kind of like a game.  To my surprise, not only did he lose his rough exterior, he started saving me a seat next to him at events and became as eager as a puppy for my friendship. We did end up becoming friends.  I've done the same with a mean old lady at work. Though I didn't wish to become friends with her, at least she started regarding me as someone to smile at instead of acting hostile.

If being nice doesnt work, I figure at least I out-classed them.  With luck it will make them look more like a jerk to others.

7oclock, how can you tell if someone is flirting with you? I seriously have a  very hard time. There was a girl who had a crush on me for about two weeks who I spent time with who's friend came out and said she really liked me and wondered why I couldn't tell. I've also had a similar experience in a store with a cashier. It happens rarely but I seriously cannot tell. I think they're just being nice, and I'm so worried that I'll misread them as flirting with me and I say something back (which I used to do a lot) and they'd not talk to me again. Unless it is so obvious as to the fact they openly say they like me, I can't tell.

My ex-girlfriend recently started messaging me all the time and asked me to go to three separate things with her. She's also saying other things but I can't tell if she's being friendly or not (for the record we've been broken up for over a year)

Yes, NTs get sometimes confused about whether someone is flirting.

Safeway, a U.S. supermarket chain, has policies that require employees to smile at and make eye contacts with customers. The employees claimed they are being propositioned by shoppers who mistake the company-required friendliness for flirting. One employee said an over-heated customer even followed her to her car.

12 union employees had filed a grievance over the "smile-and-make-eye-contact" rule.  Safeway brought in undercover shoppers and warned their workers that a bad evaluation can lead to retraining, disciplinary letters and termination

Well 7oclock I asked her what she felt and now she's acting very strange and says she found someone and considers me a good friend. I guess everything worked out then. I don't like people that play games like that though. She did it on purpose I believe to screw around with me. I'm not really offended because I don't get involved with people so if it was attempt to make me angry it didn't work. When she said "I found someone" or whatever I just said "That sounds nice. Good luck with you and the person you have found."

Please butt in sarahjoke, I don't mind. This is what happened (taken from an msn convo that explained it): I'm just sort of confused and irritated, since I felt like she was playing me or something. I didn't like her back (that way as much as she did me) but I still don't like that. I then proceeded to state to her why I thought she did like me and gave examples. Then she said "I just can tell you things I can't other people. You are better than a boyfriend in that we have a huge friendship, and I can tell you more than a usual friend." We've hung out twice out of school. How can she consider me a better friend than a best friend?" I don't get it.
I really don't like this since she does know I have AS and I explained in a long writeup all about how it is and even gave examples of flirting and mixing things up and she did that anyway. (End of msn)

She even continued it afterwards by saying "I'm just not like I am at school and am very intelligent." Her myspace profile states she doesn't want kids but after I mentioned I got a very high mark in parenting she talked about wanting kids for over an hour. She says she doesn't let people in but I am one of the two. She also invited me to three different events. One went like "I know you aren't going to prom so instead why don't you come over to my house and we can party together."

After I asked her the true feelings in my email her response still leaned both aways. "Honestly, I dont know. I kidna miss or friendship. We were really close, adn I miss that. I dont know wether I still have feelings for you or not. I have been trying to figure this out for a while now." (sic. I cut and pasted that).

Was that supposed to test me and see if I get really angry or was she trying to make me upset as revenge for breaking up with her awhile ago? I don't understand. It did none of those and just made me irrittated and think of her less. I would really like some sort of explanation for this.

My friend sent this to me off Urban Dictionary. I completely took the foul language out so it is 8 and up to read.

Emotional Tampon  

n: A role taken on by the man in a 'just friends' male/female relationship. An emotional tampon is a man who will always be there to provide a woman with the proverbial 'shoulder to cry on' or some other outlet for her to otherwise vent her emotional frustration, problems, and mental unbalance. Ultimately, he becomes the only person for whom this behavior is reserved as nobody else will tolerate it but him.

This Herculean effort is too often never rewarded in any substantial or tangible way (at least not in a way that the man would typically hope for, which is an actual relationship), and is typically the only contact between the two parties.

The late comic Sam Kinison (1953-1992) coined the phrase "Emotional Tampon" in his first HBO comedy special "Sam Kinison: Breaking the Rules" in 1987, with this line:

"So you just want to be friends, huh? Yeah, I think I know what that means. I become some kind of 'emotional tampon' you need three or four days out of the month... when no one else will take your complaining."

or alternatively: Emotional Tampon

Something only women are capable of, and evil enough to do. They fool poor insecure men into thinking they are receiving affection when they never will. They are often used as pillows for tears, or little "I lost my boyfriend and I'm grieving him" dolls. If this happens to you, just tell them to screw off.


Agree?

7oClock, I'm not sure she fully understands AS as I haven't told her and she (supposedly) read the writeup I did on it.

The thing is, is that I broke up with her around a year ago and didn't talk to her until about 1 m 3 weeks ago again. I don't get it. I've talked with you more and told you more honest things in this topic than I had my entire relationship with her. I just don't understand it. I was just irritated with her leading me on like that. Did she just attempt to get back at me for breaking up with her? I did it nicely. I'm not mean. She's 15 and I'm 17, and well....not working.

7oclock, she just contacted me again today and tried to strike up a friendly conversation after pulling what she did and then not talking to me for about 3 days. I'm confused. What should I tell her? Or just ignore her? I like being very straight up and honest with people.

Three days wouldn't be a long time however she was sending me messages every day up to that point. I apologize if this is dragging on and starting to irk you a little. I know I went all "Montel" on you. But she pulled the "flirting, inviting me to things, oops, I'm involved with someone then avoids" thing. Very irritating and I'm a gentleman but if my thoughts got the better of me I'd swear her off and tell her to stop acting like a child and screwing with people.

She definitely is screwing with me, since she started flirting with me first (I'm sure of this and can cut and paste some pm's in a private message to you if you want) and I acted like I wasn't interested and I just remained friendly. Actually, thats all I did was remain friendly and by her saying things like, "I'm really smart. People don't get me at school because (lots of spelling errors within this) I don't act like that. I'm only in applied because my teacher put me there." She was saying things that I had written in blogs. She commented on them, sent me lots of pm's and stuff. Saying that instead of going to prom I should party with her, that I'm very mature and sweet and look nice. I'm sure those are all come ons?

That's not being rude or argumentative but she must be playing games with me sicne she "loved" me and I broke up with her. I just don't understand her. I broke up with her because she was calling 7 times a day, telling people what we did together and showing me off to people like I was property. I don't like that. I said something about the phonecalls and she didn't call. So what I think this is, is an attempt to lead me on, (since I have been at home since October doing homeschooling) so that she could make me upset. Well its not working and now I am getting irritated because I don't like people who use people.

bipolar bear, I said at the time I did like her because I was being bullied, not very many people were being very nice, and so I was happy to be in a relationship. It wasn't until I got some summer break off that I realized what was going on, and my friends and parents pointed out to me that she was really clingy and possessive, so I broke it off after I truly took notice of such things. I never not liked her, but I didn't like her after what she was doing.

bipolar bear, I liked her at first found out that she wasn't a nice person, broke up with her, she contacted me being nice, but she really isn't a nice person (still).

For some reason you link didn't show up, at least not on my display. But I looked up the website and agree it is amusing and possibly useful   Thanks for mentioning it.

http://www.basicinstructions.net/