Aspies For Freedom

If anyone asks me "how are you?" I generally reply with the expected answer, normally "fine thanks, how about you?" or whatever depending on the situation, it doesn't annoy me all that much at all, as much as it seems illogical sometimes

How are you? Its just one of those social niceties where people expect you to raise a weary smile and answer fine, ok or good. They're don't want a truthful, overly long or emotional loaded answer like:

How are you? Well actually I'm terrible. I contemplated suicide twice this morning. Lets go and talk about my depressed state over a coffee.

No, they don't want to hear that.

How are you? This is a question that people who don’t really like each other very much ask when they want to appear kind and sensitive.

And to my mind a pointless question to ask, unless your actually interested in another persons wellbeing.

I once used to say when someone asked:
-I feel awfully terrible!
Meant as a joke, but when saying it when my dad asked had the awful consequence of him asking why and really wanted to know.

Yeah years of social ridicule before I worked this one out.
Now I say something they are ex[ecting to hear.
If it is a bloke I know I usually say, "Yeah alright big fella, how are you?"
If it is a bloke I don't know that well I say "Yeah alright mate, how's yourself?"
If it is a girl I know I say "Yeah alright love, how are you doing?"
If it is a girl I don't know that well "Yeah alright mate, how are you?
"

Sometimes I get a little more adventurous in my replies like answering in relation to what day of the week it is, etc but generally I just use the tried and true formula.

I usually say either "not bad" or "good" or "well, thanks" and then "how about you"?.
Only trouble is I often get asked to repeat myself and that puts me in not such a good mood.

They must almost be doing it as an automatic response.

A really fine idea would be to fine those who use it. Now that'd be a fine fine.

Ando,

Nt input here, but maybe this will help.  

So often we are caught up in ourselves and our day, what we have to do, where we have to go etc..  Saying hello, or asking how are you is simply an acknowledgement that you matter as a person to the person asking. The problem is that for some it is simply a matter of courtesy and/or habit whereas for others it is a real question.    If you answer as ichtms, the exchange has the potential of being far more interactive, rewarding or nonrewarding from your perspective, in that if you are having a terrible day and say so the person who really cares about you (even when they didn't initially think about the immediate question) will stop and listen or inquire further, just like erkolos dad did.  If they were saying it merely out of habit and really don't care, they will become uncomfortable and probably wont make the mistake of asking you the same question again. (lol) (as I understand it you would consider this a positive).  Best way to tell is via your initial relationship with the person asking. Friend = sincere question, acquaintance = habit.

I kind of answer as ichtm does either "fine" , or "I've had better days".  I keeps to the truth, but the negative in the response seems to be succinct enough that the person on other end doesn't feel they have to respond in kind by asking the next question... but they do if they are truly interested.

Mom

Mom

Tigger_the_Wing

Me: "Hot!"

I like it!  lol

Dad is so annoyingly bothersome when I say I'm not fine so I just say I am.

I am not usually in a position to answer in words, so I just grunt and/or nod if anything.  Seems to do the trick.  I don't even have to understand the words "How are you," just the intonation, and it triggers some kind of response like that.

Yeah, it's rude not to.

I either tell them the complete truth until thier eyes turn wild, or I say nothing.

It depends on who's asking.  Most people get a 'fine', because they can't deal or don't want to know the details, or sometimes because they are not interested or because it would be something they couldn't handle if they tried to relate too much.  It's rare when someone askes me 'how are you?' and really is saying 'how are you?'  Then - even if they really mean it then you think *this person is not equipped*, with the wherewithall and would just end up feeling bad if you told them the real situation, - so you duck it and make polite nothings, and go home and feel *** because although people were there for you, they weren't there in another way.  It's not in thier personal experience or vocab.  It's not something they have a handle on.  And if you let out too much then they freak on you and blame you for making them relate when they weren't ready or didn't have the life experience to deal.

Few folks have.  What they can do is keep being themselves and make sure you're not left adrift when they go sailing.

Someone else wrote a reply that perfectly matches what I do when people ask me how I am.
I either say I am 'FANTASTIC!!!! How are YOU??!?!?!' or I am like 'I am FABULOUS!!!!'
It doesn't matter to me what I am feeling at all at that moment.  I find that if I say something like that, it actually puts smiles on others faces, and so I feel like I have done a good deed for the day.
Because even if I have been having a crappy day, maybe I made some other person's crappy day better.