Well, the question's a social device. On the one hand, answering 'fine' is perfectly acceptable and if you don't know the person well it's probably the best answer, but it's also a potential invitation to a conversation if you answer with something other than 'fine' or the like.
I usually take this question to mean 'please describe your current mood in a monosyllable' and answer with 'fine' 'good' 'ok' 'meh' or 'lousy' (which actually has two syllables, but 'bad' doesn't sound as nice. Lousy*.) Incidentally, being sarcastic at people when they just asked you a simple question isn't really necessary.
* DID YOU KNOW THAT Prior to WWI, lousy meant 'infested with lice.' In the trenches, however, it came into use as a generic term for anything bad, and the returning soldiers introduced it into common English in it's current sense. NOW YOU KNOW.
I usually give a short synopsis of my current mood. I never remember to ask back. If I do ask someone how they're doing, it's because I seriously want to know. Otherwise I just say 'hi', nod, or jump right into the middle of a conversation.
I learnt a long time ago to say "good" "excellent" Previously I used to give a detailed commentary on my feelings of the day and cop some real weird looks / head turning away / moving away fast. Its one of those darn unwritten social conventions which no-one ever told me about. Maybe a post on unwritten social conventions is in order?
I learnt a long time ago to say "good" "excellent" Previously I used to give a detailed commentary on my feelings of the day and cop some real weird looks / head turning away / moving away fast. Its one of those darn unwritten social conventions which no-one ever told me about. Maybe a post on unwritten social conventions is in order?
Yeahyeah, start it! (maybe I should beg off on the coffee?)
Them: "How are you today?"
Me: (Fake big smile) "Crappy, how 'bout yourself ?"
Them: "Ummm... Fine."
Conversation over.
Them: "How are you today?"
Me: (Fake big smile) "Crappy, how 'bout yourself ?"
Them: "Ummm... Fine."
Conversation over.
Lol!
I used to work for a local authority in which staff morale was rock bottom and the managment were incompetent and deluded.
There, the standard response to "How are you?" was "Fair to hellish!" or just plain "Shite!". Anyone who replied, "Fine" would automatically have been dismissed as being incompetent or deluded, ie, management!
So, I suppose it all depends on circumstances...
When a stranger asks I say "fine, thanks. How are you?" because that is the polite thing I'm supposed to say, and establishes us as friendly people somehow (no idea why). My peeve is when they ask me how I am, I respond with "fine, thanks. How are you", and they don't answer. If you're gonna ask, you have to be prepared to listen to the answer and respond!
I like a lot of the responses from this thread, and plan on using one or two from time to time!
This is my pet peeve. People are always asking 'How are you?' (Or cultural equivalent if this is just a UK thing!!)
I haven't a clue how to answer this stupid question. Apparently you are supposed to say "I'm fine thanks/not too bad, how are you?". I can't do that, because its illogical - what is the point of saying something so mundane, pointless and ultimately untrue?
I went through a phase of actually taking the question literally and telling people exactly how I was. It got some very negative reactions. Nowadays I tend to just grunt 'alright' under my breath, which sort of works, although people think I'm just rude.
Sometimes I manage with great effort to squeeze the 'proper' socially correct phrase out of my vocal chords, but I add some silly accent or pitch. Its as if my brain literally can't cope with these stupid social etiquette rules.
I'd be okay if you could just say 'hi', or 'hello' and just be done with it.
Same thing in many cultures I believe. eg Italian. Come sta? Bene grazie. translated. How are you? Well Thanks.
No different to english. How are you? Good thank you. (yeh sure!) Anything else I would get looked on as a loony. And I would get some weird looks (aka warning, alien, destroy, eliminate) then I'd try to disappear fast. Not a good faux pas to make.
My brain keeps telling me to tell the literal truth and my intellect says oh no here we go again, what can I do to fix it. Probably the only way I can explain what happens to me in social situations.
Speaking of other languages, I learned in German class that one form of "how are you" is 'wie gehtz' (I think I spelled that right?) which gets an actual honest answer about how a person is really doing, what's going on in their life right now, etc. My teacher told the class if they're ever talking to a German don't ask that, because it'll take forever for them to shut up.
But I like it, because it sounds more like what 'how are you' should be.
Guten Tag, wie gehtz?
Auf Wiedersehen.
This is my pet peeve. People are always asking 'How are you?' (Or cultural equivalent if this is just a UK thing!!)
I haven't a clue how to answer this stupid question. Apparently you are supposed to say "I'm fine thanks/not too bad, how are you?". I can't do that, because its illogical - what is the point of saying something so mundane, pointless and ultimately untrue?
I'm not sure whether the custom in my country is to actually tell how you are or just say a standard phrase. I get the impression that both are common, so I try to use both depending on how well I know an individual and how high up the ladder he is.
I wish people would actually answer that as they really are when asked, (aspies speaking) it would save a lot of confusion. Sure would beat, "well thanks" when you can easily see they couldn't get across the street without having to be hospitalised.
I just say "I'm fine, how about you?", even if I'm having the crappiest day of my life. It's just a habit now. Hopefully they don't try to talk to me any more.
hehehehehe!!!! I feel this way too sometimes. So, when I don't feel like answering with a standard socially (ahem) acceptable response, I simply say, "I am medium rare."
Yes, depending on the context, the question 'How are you?' is almost always one of those 'polite bullshit' phrases we use in conversation.
It's strange, I would almost expect aspies to ask a question like this; not NTs. I hardly ever ask a question like this (the context varies, obviously I will ask it every once and a while) because it is usually very easy to tell how someone *is* just from being around them. I suppose it's unfortunate that we have to follow all of these unwritten rules of conversation just so we don't come off as 'awkward'. As an NT it never bothered me, but judging by the amount of times I receive this question every day... that must be horrible.
Small Talk what a waste of time. And gossip for that matter. If that is one key difference between aspie and NT, I'll take the aspie every time even though it makes you a bit of a target at work or other social activities.
but not wanting to do small talk or gossip is like freedom from something oppressive. Maybe thats why we are disliked or seen as a bit odd.
Usually, "I'm all right. How are you?" And hope that they either say something interesting or that that paves the way for introducing a substantive topic.
I figure, they're not actually asking about your personal health, it's a token ritual. Like bowing to someone in Japanese culture.
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