I try to allways answer up and own but sometimes I forget slip into the old bad habbit of saying fine like I used to do to pleese people which is not very good.
I know a person who answered good even in emergensy.
The places I actually go to seem to want more out of me then just "Fine". The local toyshop (bout the only place I ever go) where I get alot of my video games from know me there, I've been going there my whole life & it seems like they're interested a bit more then with other customers but when they ask me "How r u" I usually just say fine, I've gotten used to people expecting to hear that, but now it seems they want more from me, simply saying Fine anymore doesnt cut it for them, they want to know about my day & I've told them I get alot of games Online now & the last time I was there 1 of the guys wanted to know where I got everything from.. If I dont say Fine I say Im Tired instead & they always ask why & im just thinking why r most people tired during the day... they didnt get enough sleep so I tell them that & then they want to know wat I was doing all night long.. Ahh I dont really want to talk to u, I want to get my game, go home & play it for the next 24 hours without interuptions.. Its kind of nice in a way for some1 I barely know to be so interested but man all's I want to do is play the game I went in there to buy.
I've always found that three syllables is the perfect amount to avoid further questioning. It's still low-content enough to satisfy the small talk requirement, and the number of syllables seems to be enough to give them the impression of a "real" answer. E.g, good answers are "Not too bad", or "I'm pretty good". It also seems to be substantial enough that they don't expect a return question.
Oh, and thanks only counts as half a syllable. *grins*
I've used the "half asleep today" thing every now and then as well - usually when I'm stuck in an elevator and have to draw out the non-conversation... Also a good way of drawing attention away from future social awkwardness...
I hate the question too, especially at work or by sales people. I walk around with a little tape recorder and just press play and shoot out my set response when asked.
I have two different responses. This is because I had to take phone calls at work, so I'm expected to ask. I have a rhythm that I keep to. I say 'I'm well thankyou, how are you?'. Other than on the phone, my general response is 'Pretty good thanks' and I don't ask back. I find people who really care how you are don't use the question 'how are you'. Instead they will ask 'what have you been up to lately?', or 'what's been happening?'
I find that my closest friends don't even bother with those "social expectations" when dealing with me--which is great. But when someone does ask me, I tend to answer honestly--I assume they really want to know, because I would. Otherwise, why ask?
I really think that, most of the time, the person asking the question is totally unaware that they have actually asked a question - they are just automatically making a slightly more sophisticated noise than the greeting grunt that chimps make.
Actually this was a recent discussion with my husband. He thought I was being rude, because when a person at a food place would come up to the counter and say 'Hi, how are you?' I would just answer with what I wanted. Actually I didn't even realise I was considered rude because I didn't register that as a question, more as a I am ready to serve you. Social things like that make me nervous too, so I have to keep what I want sitting in my mind, so I don't make a mistake.
The word "fine" should be banned! i don't normally mind giving an answer if I know the person, if not it's something simple like fine, ok, not bad etc
As George Carlin says, "Hair is fine! People are not fine. Ask me how my hair is...FINE!"
I just this morning I heard someone respond to the question with a cheerful and enthusiastic "I'm doing great and I hope you are, too."
My first thought was, "Gee, I wish I were that sociaally adept and confident and fluent."
My second thought was, "Is he selling something, or is he a serial killer?"
I don't think that's being socially adept, that's just being fake. People like that make me cringe.
Fine. And you?
I quite often forget to ask "and you" back, which annoys a lot of people apparently. But I'm working on it.
The stock reply I usually give is "I'm fine, how are you?" or some variation on the theme.
What is annoying is that you can't ask people how they are. Even friends will tell you they're fine when everything seems to indicate otherwise.
If I ask "how are you?" it means "I want to know how you feel, I hope you're doing great but if you're not, feel free to share because I know you and would like to know how you're actually doing." In short, when I ask "how are you?", it typically means "how are you?". Strange, I know...
I can't answer it properly either. It's so odd, since I've learned so many other conventions - which I recite perfectly.
Well, ok, maybe not perfectly. In fact, now that I think about it, maybe I always have some sort of smart-*** answer for every socially prescribed ritual :-)
Anyway, I usually say "I'm getting by. :-)" in sort of a "Life is sure hard, but I'm glad to say I'm managing to just barely make it through each day." kind of tone. I like this method because it's true, it's just cryptic enough that some people actually want to hear more, and those who don't want to hear more can chuckle and walk on past.
If I'm grumpy, I might say "Cold!" when it's cold outside, or "Wet." if it's raining.
All of these are an effort to be able to be honest, but without actually sharing anything personal or problematic.
My biggest problem is when they say "Hi, Jeff."
Since I don't remember most of my co-workers' names (even after 6 years here) I can't say "Hi, Bob."
Just saying "Hi" seems short and abrupt.
I generally say "Howdy" since it has two syllables - then I feel like a dope, since none of us are cowboys.
By the way, I also find myself generally unable to reply "you're welcome" when they say "thanks." I keep replying "Yep."
No idea why.
Ya know, this ritualistic dialog crap is tricky! Sheesh.
This is my pet peeve. People are always asking 'How are you?' (Or cultural equivalent if this is just a UK thing!!)
I haven't a clue how to answer this stupid question. Apparently you are supposed to say "I'm fine thanks/not too bad, how are you?".
basically tell them the truth but don't go on about it
for example
if someone says "how are you" and you feel really bad
don't go and say because .....
instead say something like "not that good"
then if they ask why then you cann explain
but for some reason it works in opposite if they ask you !how are you" and you feel good
all you say is "I feel good because" and then say why you feel good.
hope this helps 
I've always wondered what would happen if I just started randomising small talk phrases.
Q: How are you?
A: Yeah it is a bit.
Q: It's hot outside today.
A: Fine thanks, and you?
How long would it take people to notice? *grins*
I've always wondered what would happen if I just started randomising small talk phrases.
Q: How are you?
A: Yeah it is a bit.
Q: It's hot outside today.
A: Fine thanks, and you?
How long would it take people to notice? *grins*
Long, very long, if your intonation is right.
I pulled that trick on my husband ones when he said he was really listening..... I just said "Shall we take a hippopotamus as a pet? " totaly of topic but in the right intonation. And he responded in a positive sound. Only about five minutes after that he asked: "Did you say you wanted a hippopotamus???"
Long, very long, if your intonation is right.
I pulled that trick on my husband ones when he said he was really listening..... I just said "Shall we take a hippopotamus as a pet? " totaly of topic but in the right intonation. And he responded in a positive sound. Only about five minutes after that he asked: "Did you say you wanted a hippopotamus???"
Often, if I'm in the middle of a long description of something and I realise the other person has stopped listening, I'll finish up with "and then the penguins invaded Tokyo"... *grins*
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