Aspies For Freedom

This is my pet peeve. People are always asking 'How are you?' (Or cultural equivalent if this is just a UK thing!!)

I haven't a clue how to answer this stupid question. Apparently you are supposed to say "I'm fine thanks/not too bad, how are you?". I can't do that, because its illogical - what is the point of saying something so mundane, pointless and ultimately untrue?
I went through a phase of actually taking the question literally and telling people exactly how I was. It got some very negative reactions. Nowadays I tend to just grunt 'alright' under my breath, which sort of works, although people think I'm just rude.
Sometimes I manage with great effort to squeeze the 'proper' socially correct phrase out of my vocal chords, but I add some silly accent or pitch. Its as if my brain literally can't cope with these stupid social etiquette rules.

I'd be okay if you could just say 'hi', or 'hello' and just be done with it.

I have taken to harsh honesty when faced with this question. You ask me "How are you?" and get a honest answer. You are NOT getting away with a "Fine thanks, and you?" unless I am genuinely concerned about your state and am truly feeling "fine". Oh no, you're gonna listen to the full extent of my current state. Observe:

"How are you?"
-"Hmmm, you mean right now? I am feeling unwell... my health is declining again and I am in severe need of food, but have no money left this month so all I eat are some cornflakes I have left. My right knee hurts again, and so does my back. Oh, I am a bit horny, too, but not really attracted to you; what a pity. And while I am at it, I actually had a really *** day, but I am glad you seem to genuinely care about me since you asked me how I am. Yeah, I am also feeling a bit grateful that you asked me this question. I mean, I don't know anyone else I would tell my problems to. Did I mention that my dog died yesterday? Oh, and my neck is itching... [.......]"

It's just one of those unwritten things you do. People trying to be polite. I like being asked "How are you?" by friends. I know they ask it because they care. But strangers? They don't care. They just follow a social ritual. Your best bet is either to be "social", which means smile, make eye-contact and say "I am fine, thanks, and you?" OR become an eccentric outcast by answering the question literally. Better yet, stammer helplessly. People love that. Okay, they don't, but it's something I did before I resorted to what I described above.

I'm glad its not just me then. I literally *cannot* answer the question properly within the proper social rules - the words will nto come properly out of my mouth. I have tried to think of funny answers sometimes but I'm not creative enough and can't be bothered.


Michael1 - yes, when strangers ask that is even worse. I just blank them!!!!. Even even worse is when sales people ring you up and the first thing they ask is "how are you today?". @$%#%^*£??????

I agree, the "How are you" business is silly and insincere.

I never ask it unless I wouldn't mind hearing an honest answer, which happens rarely.

Usually I either just say "OK" or, if it's some customer service situation where they say it as part of their programming, I ignore it.

Sometimes I've been known to ask, "You really want to know, or are you just being polite?"  The result is usually blank looks, like it never occurred to them to think about that (and it probably never did...)

If I'm feeling REALLY snarky, sometimes I tell them how I am...honestly.  

The other thing I hate is the "Have a nice day" bit.  Not that I mind the sentiment if genuine, but again, you know most people don't actually give a ^$#% whether or not you have a nice day. Especially when it's said as part of customer service programming.  It's rather funny when someone says it automatically and it's 11:00 at night.

"Even better. People answer 'good thanks, how are you' even though I NEVER ASKED THE QUESTION. "

Nervous Neuron, yes, I'm glad somebody else notices that!!!

Just goes to show how ridiculous the whole thing is. Its such an empty piece of automatic social etiquette nonsense that people often don't notice when you don't join in. Its funny when that happens.

People want to know how their friends are doing when they see or run into them so they ask how they are in some way (e.g., "how are you?" or "what's up?").  When people greet you with "Hi, how are you?" they're just trying to be friendly -- treating you like a friend.  It's a nice custom but also a strange one because while they are being friendly, they are not offering to be a therapist or the like.  It's a good thing though because it gives them some idea of how to interact with you -- if it's been a good day, they can be excited for you or if it's been a bad day they'll know to be extra careful to not make it worse (e.g., by being extra patient).  So it's not required (or even necessarily preferred) that you answer "fine" all the time, although that's a good choice if you really don't know how to answer.  I prefer "I can't complain" because I'm usually in a state that's not the best but it's also not one of the worst days of my life.  It is ok to be honest -- if you are not fine, it's ok to say so.  You just have to be careful about how you say it because you don't want to kill the general happy vibe.  You can be honest without doing that by being vague -- just saying "i've been better," "it's one of those days," etc.  You can be specific if it's a typical sort of reason that you're not at your best (or below normal), for example if you're sick or tired. Even though it may not make much of a difference to you how an acquaintance or stranger is doing, it most often does to NTs.  Asking people how they are doing allows me to make people's bad days better and good days more celebrated.

with a shrug and a 'meh'
or,at best,a grunt,before launching into a monologue about the latest GPU's and Gaming

The places I actually go to seem to want more out of me then just "Fine". The local toyshop (bout the only place I ever go) where I get alot of my video games from know me there, I've been going there my whole life & it seems like they're interested a bit more then with other customers but when they ask me "How r u" I usually just say fine, I've gotten used to people expecting to hear that, but now it seems they want more from me, simply saying Fine anymore doesnt cut it for them, they want to know about my day & I've told them I get alot of games Online now & the last time I was there 1 of the guys wanted to know where I got everything from.. If I dont say Fine I say Im Tired instead & they always ask why & im just thinking why r most people tired during the day... they didnt get enough sleep so I tell them that & then they want to know wat I was doing all night long.. Ahh I dont really want to talk to u, I want to get my game, go home & play it for the next 24 hours without interuptions.. Its kind of nice in a way for some1 I barely know to be so interested but man all's I want to do is play the game I went in there to buy.

I just answer with "okay" or "allright", I learned that most people who ask aren't expecting any other answer....

Yep.  Just yesterday I was walking home from the grocery store where I had run away to escape my shouting and apoplectic husband (thank god my daughter was in school) and I was crying, but wearing large black sunglasses.  Someone walking past said, HI, how are you, and I said, f'ing automatically, FINE, THANKS, which just made me cry more.  It is just f'ing ridiculous.

But to answer the posted question, I always TRY to respond with the shortest possible acceptable response:

Fine.  And you?

Does anyone else get annoyed when the original asker does not respond to your response?  

Them:  Hi, how are you?
Me:      Fine, and you?
Them:  (dead silence)

That just annoys the crap outta me!  I go to all the trouble of responding, (and it IS trouble), and for what?  Silence.  But that's the usual result, and I'm just now trying to get less pissed over it.  It IS just a formality.  Arghhh.

I normally try to take advance and ask first, so I normally get an answer like:"fine, thanks"
And then I ask:"Oh, really, what happened?"
That really puzzles them

It's wie geht's? -- the 's is a contraction of es.

'Wie geht's?' can provoke the answer 'Gestern ging's noch.' (Yesterday it went alright - a referral to one's bowel movement) or 'Muss ja.' (It has to) or you might get 'Danke. Und selbst?' (Thank you [for asking]. And self?).

The tale about the honest answer originates from literature, Mark Twain or Jerome K. Jerome or George Mikes, I just can't remember which one.