Aspies For Freedom

Full Version: How do you respond to the question "How are you?"
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Yeah I hate that question, because it's just a way for people to act like they care when all they want is for you to say "I'm fine" no matter what. That way, they don't have to continue to act like they care when it turns out something's wrong.

And that's one of the top reasons people suck.
hah I forgot to answer the question...

I usually just say I'm doing good and I repeat the question. Although these days, I usually am doing good so it's okay.
I have come to terms with the existence of this banal exchange.

When asked how I am, I always say "FAAAAAAAAN- Tastic!" with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.  It makes people wonder what you are up to, and the unexpected nature of the response quietly points out the silliness of the ritual of asking it.

When I ask the question in return and someone says "Fine" - I say "It's early yet - you still have time to turn that around."
I just say "I'm fine, how about you?", even if I'm having the crappiest day of my life. It's just a habit now. Hopefully they don't try to talk to me any more.
TheStorm: Is that one of those new Blue Jack Dempseys in your avatar? I've heard lots about them, but never seen one in real life.
I was going to make this thread but for some reason I didn't.

I say "fine, and you?", but when somebody asks -in Spanish- "¿qué tal?" (something like "how is it", in English), which is an equivalent of "how are you?", I feel really dumb saying "fine", because the question itself doesn't make sense. But sometimes I forget it and ask the other person "why are you asking that?" or "¿qué tal qué" (how's what?), or some silly ramble about how I am.
I hate that question too - though I understand now it's a form of 'social stroking', where we confirm other people's existence/humanity by an exchange of meaningless pleasantries.  I once read a humourous collection of responses that I would sometimes use: "Fair to maudlin" was my favourite (or if someone asks "How's tricks?", I'd reply "Trixie left me", but hardly anyone asked that and when they did they didn't understand my response...)

Then a while back I lived in a small village in Scotland, where the question always felt like it was barbed and designed to make me realise how badly I was doing (there were circumstances...) - luckily, the culturally accepted standard reply was 'doon awa', which I liked Smile It means 'doing away', that is, 'getting on with it', 'doing my thing', 'progressing'
Usually respond with either a blank stare or "fine"

I know they don't really wanna know every little thing that's wrong with me that day....
I'm not a fan of 'how are you', which sucks because I work in retail (a deli) so people ask me that ALL the time. The funny thing is, I rarely answer it. And that's not mainly because I don't want to, but because the customer doesn't let me, they just go on ordering. Or, instead of answering the question, I myself say 'what would you like today?'. But when I'm in a good mood, I smile and say 'real great thanks, you?'.

Even better. People answer 'good thanks, how are you' even though I NEVER ASKED THE QUESTION. I usually never ask customers how they are, I go straight to 'what would you like today?' which works in a deli. But it's so funny when people answer it when the question was never asked... that's how used to hearing it people are. I have not gotten the nerve to point it out to these people.

AndyN Wrote:
This is my pet peeve. People are always asking 'How are you?' (Or cultural equivalent if this is just a UK thing!!)

I haven't a clue how to answer this stupid question. Apparently you are supposed to say "I'm fine thanks/not too bad, how are you?". I can't do that, because its illogical - what is the point of saying something so mundane, pointless and ultimately untrue?
I went through a phase of actually taking the question literally and telling people exactly how I was. It got some very negative reactions. Nowadays I tend to just grunt 'alright' under my breath, which sort of works, although people think I'm just rude.
Sometimes I manage with great effort to squeeze the 'proper' socially correct phrase out of my vocal chords, but I add some silly accent or pitch. Its as if my brain literally can't cope with these stupid social etiquette rules.

I'd be okay if you could just say 'hi', or 'hello' and just be done with it.


Sometimes I'm able to get away with saying 'hi' or 'hello' but most of the time I answer "fine, and you?"  Other times I'm actually the one asking "Hi, how are you?"

i usually say"im ok" then i proceed to explain exactly"how im doing" usually how hungery i am, some of what im thinking about and as much emotional state as i can discribe.

krispyg76 Wrote:

Crehl Wrote:
"I'm fine". That's pretty much it, no matter how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling really bad, I generally give a more positive reponse, such as "I'm good", because they'll be less likely to probe as to why I'm 'only fine'. Sometimes I answer honestly, if I feel I want to talk to them about it (This only happens to females, I feel more comfortable talking about feelings with them than even my closest friends).

I hate that question.. I dont think many people actually mean it when they say it.


Fine
Fine
Fine
Fine
Fine

Ban that word, it does not even mean anything damn it.

I'm gonna set myself a challenge, one day next week to not use that word just for a day.


Fine. Wink

Today i turn 54 years of age. can I safely say I have been asked 10,000 times "How are you?"

I haven't figured out a response yet. Sometimes I do the knee-jerk "fine" thing, but just as often the question takes me unaware in my ADHD fog and I mumble "I dunno."

I just this morning I heard someone respond to the question with a cheerful and enthusiastic  "I'm doing great and I hope you are, too."

My first thought was, "Gee, I wish I were that sociaally adept and confident and fluent."

My second thought was, "Is he selling something, or is he a serial killer?"
I just found my cake, a week late...

is it still edible?

THANK YOU!
For a number of peculiar reasons, I have a lot of New York/ Jewish in my thinking and my way of saying things, so my answer to "How are you?" is often "Don't ask Rolleyes" or "You don't want to know. Rolleyes"

Not that I would necessarily recommend these. It's just what comes out of my mouth much of the time.
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