Zack: You know, you're horrendiously fat.
Joe: O RLY?
Zack: YA RLY.
Joe: What's the point?
Zack: You're almost blocking the entire hallway.
Anna: I'd have to agree.
Artur (Not Wojciech's friend): LOLOLZ! I THOUGHT OF AN IDEA!!!! JOE, STOP EATING!!!
Joe: Fuck you.
Zack: Shoo, Artur.
Jesus (on the cross): John...
John tries too come, but is stopped by a Roman soldier who beats him up and throughs him back into the crowd.
Jesus: John...
J
my keyboard seems to be acting weird i"ll have to post this some other time (sorry)>
Fixed. Anyway, John tried again to hear what Jesus had to say. This time the guard saw him, cut off his hand and, like the last time through him in to the crowd.
Jesus: John.....
This time John manages to avoid the and he could finally hear Jesus's last words...
Jesus: John... I can see your house from hear.
And now for something completely diffrent (and hopefully not riddled with problems).
Cow#1: Hey Bob
Cow #2: Yup?
Cow #1: Are you one of those mad cows we've been hearin' about?
Cow #2: Nup. I'm a chicken.
And now for something completely different.
Judas: No. No. Leave us alone!
Comicus: All right, all right! Jesus!
Jesus: Yes.
Comicus: What?
Jesus: What?
Comicus: What?
Jesus: Yes.
Comicus: Jesus!
Jesus: Yes.
Comicus: What?
Jesus: What?
Comicus: You said what.
Jesus: Yes.
Comicus: Nothing.
And now for something completely different...
[In the Ch33p Ch33p hotel at night...]
*sound of porn movies through the wall.*
Wojciech: That is so annoying. *turns over annoyed* I'm trying to sleep here.
Anna: I wonder why he has to stay up watching porn that late.
Wojciech: It could be a part of his plan.
Anna: What plan?
Wojciech: Nothing. It's embarrassing.
And now for something completely different...
[In the middle of Tae, at a Taean mountain hot spring]
Hinonu (A perverted Daimyo of Tae, who owns a mountanious province): Meiloyn, will you come bathe with me?
Meiloyn: For the last time, NO! If you ask one more time, I might just sic my entire smaurai army on you!
Hinonu: Never mind then.
*several minutes later*
Meiloyn: *resting in a spring by herself* Finally. Peace and quiet. No annoying whiny blondes, no annoying perverted blondes, no annoying humans, and I can finally stretch out my tail in peace.
Jaku: Meiloyn-sama! Meiloyn-sama! *rushing to Meiloyn wearing a wet yukata*
Meiloyn: WHAT IN THE WORLD COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?
Jaku: The other guys kicked me out of the pring because they say that I'm a puny little runt with a puny little runty--
Meiloyn: ALRIGHT! I get it! And they are right. Now go away and bother Hinonu or something.
Jaku: But I got attacked by a plant demon again! I need to wash off the stinging oils!
Meiloyn: Go away or I will drown you myself.
And now for something completely different...
Link: *transforms into a human*
Midna: *sees that Link is naked* Oops. My mistake. I happened to have forgotten my hammerspace in the middle of Hyrule castle town.
Link: .....
Midna: Yeah, sorry, you'll have to go get your clothes back.
Link: .....!?
Midna: You don't have a choice! Either you go streak naked for a few minutes to get your clothes or you run about Hyrule with no clothes at all! (At the very least until you can transform into a wolf freely)
Link: ..... *runs into the castle town*
and now for something completely different.....
(The U with the two dots over it is currently not at my immediate disposal. Also, Ubermann is just some random stick figure guy that I draw when I'm bored. He's pointless, really. His name is spoken with a German accent, in all languages.)
Ubermann: *speaks in German*
English guy: Err, what?
Ubermann: Ubermann ist gekommen!
English guy: I don't speak Polish. *sneeze*
Ubermann: Geshundheit.
English guy: That sounds familiar...
Ubermann: *more German*
Wojciech: He's speaking German, not Polish.
English guy: How do you know that, Voy Check?
Wojciech: I'm Polish. And you pronounced my name wrong. It's Wojciech, not Voy Check. [Technically, Wojciech's name is pronounced Voy Check. I'm just making fun of the fact that people may try to pronounce something as correctly as they can, but still get it wrong simply because they don't speak the language.]
Ubermann: Woher kamen SIE?
Wojciech: Nowhere. I've always been here.
English guy: You can speak German? I thought you were Polish.
Wojciech: No, I'm just using a translator. [And I am.]
Zack: *leaves the hockey game quietly*
Me: *switches out of goalie with Austin* Okay, where was I. Hey, where's Zack?
Zack: *lying on the stage (our gymnasium is also an auditorium)* .......
Me: Hey! *waving hockey stick about* Quick slacking off and get over here! You're the only GOOD defense here!
Austin: Hey! What about me?
Me: You're the goalie. You don't count, for the goalie is the easiest job.
Bryan: *leaves*
Me: ARRRGH! WHY IS EVERYONE SLACKING OFF!!! *beats the shit out of the puck*
And now for something completely different...
Artur: Hey, Mr. Helicopter Renty Guy! Can I rent a helicopter?
Helicopter Renty Guy: No. You don't appear to have any money.
Artur: PLEASE?????? *cute face* We don't have any money, and it's a real bad emergency.
Helicopter Renty Guy: You're quite good at making cute faces. Is that how you get what you want?
Artur: *tears* PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASE??????????? *hands folded* Oh my god, what is THAT? *points in other direction*
Helicopter Renty Guy: What is what? *looks in direction*
Artur: *runs off past the stand and the group follows*
*The group, including Artur, Anna, Wojciech, Maggie and Kimiko all jump into the last helicopter, while Artur jumps into the front seat*
Artur: Let me fly this thing!
Wojciech: Are you sure you know how? I've never seen you fly one.
Artur: Trust me, I know what I'm doing. ^_^
*bump scratch screeeeeeech bump bump*
Kimiko: ENOUGH! *gets into front seat* My brother once taught me how to fly a helicopter. It's a lot more complicated than you may think. You. Back seat. Now. *flies copter smoothly towards the AntiGoth Cross in the sky*
(Extra note: Antigoth is pronounced Ann-tee-goth, not Ann-tai-goth.)
~*~
Kimiko: *lands helicopter* Okay guys. I'll wait here so I won't get killed. You'll need me to fly you back down. Good luck!
Anna: Bye. Okay, here we are. In front of the AntiGoth temple. Artur, remember to keep yourself alive. We're here for the purpose of you gaining telepathic connection with them by drinking wine.
Artur: I know, I know!
Wojciech: Ugh. The front door is guarded by two preps. Heavily armed preps at that.
Anna: I can see AK-47's. Best assault rifles ever. Okay, time for plan B, Artur, got the disguises?
Wojciech: Oh, no.
Artur: Yup! Got them!
~*~
Wojciech: *dressed up in preps clothing, a brown ponytail wig and a miniskirt* This is so stupid.
Artur: *also dressed up in preps clothing, blond pigtail wig, contacts, and tight pants* You've never looked fatter.
Wojciech: That's because these IDIOTS are obsessed with making their clothing tighter and tighter. There's a reason why I wear a size bigger than my actual size.
Artur: At least I look half-decent. ^_^
Wojciech: I'm going to kill you.
Artur: If you do that, you'll destroy the mission, and lose trust from the remaining goths down under the rock.
Wojciech: Okay, okay, let's go.
*they run to the guards*
Guard 1: Like Hi!!!! *big smile*
Guard 2: Sorry guys, you can't go through right now because the Antigoth master says so.
Wojciech: You guys look bored.
Guard 1: We are bored! We are so bored we wanna go down there and go SHOPPING!!!
Guard 2: Too bad our shift just started.
Artur: Can we trade places with you so you can go shopping and we can see what it's like to be a guard?
Guard 1: Like, sure!!!!! *skips off with guard 2*
Artur: Thanks! Idiot.
Wojciech: Sweet! We got them out of the way!
Artur: Now what?
Wojciech: Fuck! I lost one of my boobs.
Artur: If I didn't know you were wearing a prep disguise, I'd think that you're highly disturbing.
Wojciech: Shut up, you know what I meant! Argh, what the hell, I'll take out the other one. *removes other one* I still feel incredibly fat in this ridiculous outfit.
Artur: And you are.
Wojciech: For fuck's sake, I am NOT OVERWEIGHT. Just GENETICALLY CHUBBY.
Artur: Okay, so how did your candy rushes affect you?
Wojciech: *switches to different topic of discussion* Why don't we take these off and put on our normal clothes? These are annoying to wear, and nobody was supposed to enter the Antigoth building anyway, so we're still hiding even in disguise.
*They change back into black shirts and chain pants*
Wojciech: I feel like myself again.
Artur: Me too.
Wojciech; Wait a minute, why is it suddenly so dark in here?
Artur: I think some of the torches went out.
Wojciech: I think we should watch our steps. *a trapdoor opens and Wojciech falls in* Oh, shit!
Artur: Good job at watching your steps. *jumps in after him*
*they land in a bright room*
Wojciech: Where the hell are we?
Artur: I don't know, but there appears to be 10 feast's worth of food here.
Wojciech? Food? *looks up* Hey, yeah you're right. Think this might be the food storage room?
Artur: Maybe. *tries the door* It's locked. Okay, so we're stuck in here. What do you think we should do?
Wojciech: *already eating a slice of cake* I don't know. Wait until something happens? We can eat this food while we're at it. On an added note, this cake is really good.
Artur: *helps himself to mysteriously heated Instant Cup Ramen* Good idea. It doesn't seem like we have anything better to do. Ow. Hot!
Later...
Artur: I think it's about time we stopped.
Wojciech: *eating a slice of pie* Huh? I think you suggested that a while ago. And we agreed.
Artur: *eats a chocolate bar* Yeah. But we never stopped.
Later...
Artur: I think I'm starting to get a stomachache from all this food.
Wojciech: Not me! I feel fine!
Artur: Asshole.
Wojciech: I love you too. Anyway, we still haven't stopped eating.
Artur: We'll stop once we count to ten. Ready? One... Two... Oh! Sushi! *helps himself to a huge plate and a lot of soy sauce* Three...
Later...
Wojciech: We never made it to ten.
Artur: You're right. And I feel incredibly full. How the hell are you able to eat everything and still feel okay?
Wojciech: I don't know. I've seen my mother eat huge feasts of food and still be okay. Perhaps it's genetic. Man the food here is really, really good.
And the Lord said, "Let there be Light." And the Electricity Board said, "Not until such time as thou payest thy Bills, oh Lord."
...And now for something completely different.
I sold my soul to the Devil today,
Although he warned me not to.
"The stockmarket's down," he said.
"And souls don't get you much nowadays,
What with inflation and all that."
He said perhaps I should think more about it.
And call him back next week.
...AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
Hope you don't mind but I wrote a little comical one act play some years ago and will put bits of that in here
and now for something completely different.
In the beginning was the Word and the Word was [BLEEP -- CENSORED]
...And now for something completely similar... I mean, different!!