01-13-2007, 03:36 AM
Okay people, I'm 56, which makes me waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay older than most of you. This means that when I was growing up, the concept of Asperger's/HFA didn't exist. I was just considered to be "weird" or "different" in both good and bad senses. I was "off" or "odd" but not in ways that were sufficiently glaring as to cause major problems. I did well in school, and my parents were very strict, so things were pretty structured and regimented. Yet, my parents were also permissive about many things that parents tend not to be permissive about now...like letting me play in the woods by myself and walk everywhere as a young child. We didn't have "play groups" or daycare. I sought out being alone and was allowed to amuse myself. I had no interest in girlie stuff such as dolls, tea sets, playing house, etc. And lots of interest in structure-type stuff...construction materials, clay, paint, jig saw puzzles etc. My mom was always telling me to look at people, I didn't recognize people I was supposed to know, like my Uncle, and I was awkward as all getout. But I was also considered kind of endearing, because people would never know what off-the-wall statement I would come out with. My Mom would tell me that sometimes you have to lie so as not to hurt peoples' feelings.
Teenage years were hell. My friends started getting all interested in boys and make-up and clothes and I had no interest in any of that. Way back then, we pretty much didn't have a concept of homosexuality either. This was the early-mid 60s--before the feminist and gay revolutions. I kept kind of waiting for the promised attractions to happen, and they never did (and I didn't recognize the attractions I had for what they were). In some ways, college was even worse hell, because I'd get asked out on dates and then get accused of being cold, frigid, screwed up, bla bla bla when guys would kiss me or try to. I had no idea how to prevent this from happening. I laugh now, thinking about it, about how I'd be going on and on about chemical bonding or some other subject fascinating to me and nobody else and the guy would eventually just lunge. And I'd be surprised. Every time. I never learned. I dealt with it finally by refusing to go on dates.
Then, in my 20s, and by now it's the 70s, when things are more open, I tried to explore the gay side, with somewhat similar results. I was too scared to initiate anything and too scared to have anyone initiate something with me. In my 30s, I tried relationships with both men and women with no success. Basically, the physical stuff was either too scary or too awkward or too uninteresting--I'm not sure which, maybe all, so I gave up on it and have not been in a relationship for 20 years. Or even dated.
About 7 or 8 years ago, a friend pointed out that she thought I was mildly autistic, and a colleague told me his son had something called "Asperger's Syndrome" and, come to think of it, he says, you might also have it. So I looked it up, but there wasn't much to find (this being about 1998 or so). There's much that fits, and much that doesn't. I actually do social interaction pretty well, as long as I'm in a group of fairly like-minded people (like work) or friends where we share some interests. Social chit-chat bores me totally (unless it's psychoanalyzing co-workers or something like that). I have a job that requires a lot of organization and interaction and I do well at it. So I don't have the poor executive function that many aspies say they have.
I think that people knowing me now would consider me pretty well-adjusted, not normal exactly, but not someone with difficulty navigating everyday life either. They think it's weird that I don't own a TV or a car, and they wonder how I could possibly function, but they see that I do.
So this rambling is all preface to some of the things that I'm wondering. Am I an aspie who's managed to cope and adjust and accomodate to the point where it's easy for me to forget the various difficulties I've had because I've learned how to compensate? (Note: it helps that I've landed in a work situation that's both safe and plays to my strengths--I'm the perpetual student type who's pretty much not gotten outside the academy and have persued various special interests serially.) Or, am I just a quirky NT with a few aspie-like qualities?
I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter. Except for the desire for self-understanding. And a desire not to misrepresent myself on a forum such as this.
I'd like to hear from older aspies--have things in life gotten better for you as you've aged? Worse? Some of both? I'm curious.
Teenage years were hell. My friends started getting all interested in boys and make-up and clothes and I had no interest in any of that. Way back then, we pretty much didn't have a concept of homosexuality either. This was the early-mid 60s--before the feminist and gay revolutions. I kept kind of waiting for the promised attractions to happen, and they never did (and I didn't recognize the attractions I had for what they were). In some ways, college was even worse hell, because I'd get asked out on dates and then get accused of being cold, frigid, screwed up, bla bla bla when guys would kiss me or try to. I had no idea how to prevent this from happening. I laugh now, thinking about it, about how I'd be going on and on about chemical bonding or some other subject fascinating to me and nobody else and the guy would eventually just lunge. And I'd be surprised. Every time. I never learned. I dealt with it finally by refusing to go on dates.
Then, in my 20s, and by now it's the 70s, when things are more open, I tried to explore the gay side, with somewhat similar results. I was too scared to initiate anything and too scared to have anyone initiate something with me. In my 30s, I tried relationships with both men and women with no success. Basically, the physical stuff was either too scary or too awkward or too uninteresting--I'm not sure which, maybe all, so I gave up on it and have not been in a relationship for 20 years. Or even dated.
About 7 or 8 years ago, a friend pointed out that she thought I was mildly autistic, and a colleague told me his son had something called "Asperger's Syndrome" and, come to think of it, he says, you might also have it. So I looked it up, but there wasn't much to find (this being about 1998 or so). There's much that fits, and much that doesn't. I actually do social interaction pretty well, as long as I'm in a group of fairly like-minded people (like work) or friends where we share some interests. Social chit-chat bores me totally (unless it's psychoanalyzing co-workers or something like that). I have a job that requires a lot of organization and interaction and I do well at it. So I don't have the poor executive function that many aspies say they have.
I think that people knowing me now would consider me pretty well-adjusted, not normal exactly, but not someone with difficulty navigating everyday life either. They think it's weird that I don't own a TV or a car, and they wonder how I could possibly function, but they see that I do.
So this rambling is all preface to some of the things that I'm wondering. Am I an aspie who's managed to cope and adjust and accomodate to the point where it's easy for me to forget the various difficulties I've had because I've learned how to compensate? (Note: it helps that I've landed in a work situation that's both safe and plays to my strengths--I'm the perpetual student type who's pretty much not gotten outside the academy and have persued various special interests serially.) Or, am I just a quirky NT with a few aspie-like qualities?
I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter. Except for the desire for self-understanding. And a desire not to misrepresent myself on a forum such as this.
I'd like to hear from older aspies--have things in life gotten better for you as you've aged? Worse? Some of both? I'm curious.
) older Aspie, we have different experiences because we've gone beyond those initial experiences, and understand ourselves a little bit better, and possibly have accepted some things a bit better as well.