Aspies For Freedom

I think there are people who would find ANY relationship a burden and are likely to look for reasons to blame their partner for being any trouble at all.

The thing is ALL relationships are work and both parties have to give 110% and have little expectation of all their needs getting met by the other person.  Trying to only give 1/2 and expect the other person to meet you 1/2 way will get you nowhere... because of our bias it will always look like we are giving more.

Top that off with the fact that no one person can meet every need the other has and you have a recipe for 50% divorce rate - not that many aspies to account for such a rate.

My husband is NT and very understanding and amazing in many ways - about as ideal as you can get. But I still can't depend on him for everything. I have to have other friends and go to God to meet my needs and find within myself strength to cope without waiting for my husband behave better to make things easier on me.

I am an NT woman; I have been with my aspie hubby for 10 years. I don't consider it a burden to be with my guy. I feel a bit cheated because he doesn't love me the way I have been loved in the past by other NT men - I.E. lots of physical affection, passionate, lots of words exchanged, making me laugh - but I like to think I "GET" other things in exchange.  I get a reliable, dedicated partner, whose actions I can predict and make me feel very safe in my relationship. He is a wonderful father and a kind, honest human being; he is brilliant and amazing to me in ways an NT partner could never be and I try and focus on these positive traits.

My best answer would be to say that if you are in therapy and trying your best to be as highly functioning and in tune with your aspie issues as you can, you can't do much more than that! You are who you are; and I am sure you are prety great considering how hard you are trying.  So no - I do not think you will be a burden to anyone you are with.  It is just a matter of finding the right match for you and your aspie traits. Perhaps put a time frame on how long you will continue to try with your current partner, because you don't want to feel like a burden and that you are on edge of being dumped your whole life - who needs that!  

What aspects of your personality burden your partner? Maybe I can give you a bit of insight on that in particular?

All the best!

asplvr

What kinds of things sowe

It doesn't seem like an equal relationship.

But I don't think she has very reasonable expectations in some things.

In what way do you mean?

I think 7oclock's answer was wonderful.

I am happier with my Aspie partner than I was in any previous "NT" relationship. But I was once in a very unhappy relationship with another Aspie. The success or failure of a relationship depends much more on the individuals than on the Aspie/not Aspie factor.

I think the problem is NT's who have that "I am NORMAL but YOU are f***ed up" attitude -- any problem that comes up, they will say "Oh, this is because YOU have Asperger's," as if NT's don't have and create relationship problems.

M, if you are doing all the things you say, then you are NOT a burden to your husband. In fact, by doing all the housework you're making it easier for him to go out and work as he doesn't have to worry about those things. In fact, even if you weren't doing all the housework but are simply a loving partner to him, you're doing a lot.

It's like a housewife/househusband scenario really. Keeping a home running is hard work in itself.

All relationships require tolerance from both sides, especially when you live with someone. So putting up with peopel and the parts of them that you do not like is a burden, of course it is. But if you enter into a relationship with someone you have to know that may be the case.

There seems to be quite a bit of insecurity here.

Divorce rates are high as marriage is just seen as a disposable thing these days. You make that commitment it is for life.

It is, I agree but this is what people need to get their heads around. It does not help when you have people like Britney Spears getting married in Vegas just for a laugh, silly bint.

I don't think she is laughing much now. She married a real dud in Kevin Federline and I believe they have split up. If someone is willing to leave a girlfriend or wife who is pregnant and has a toddler for somebody else, I don't think the relationship would last long before they wanted to move on yet again.

Neither of them qualify as good parents, if anything he is better than she is. I really dislike Spears she is a poor role model.

She's not a role model and she's not a parent (even though she probably thinks she's both).  She didn't want to take care of her kids (she was too busy getting drunk and partying naked) so she left them with someone else, and what's worse is that her soon-to-be-ex-husband has no idea where his kids are.