Aspies For Freedom

I wrote this earlier in the year, thought I would start sharing some of my poems.

I think I shall be myself a while,
Joking around and being light.
I think I shall show you a smile,
Try to be positive and bright,
Being what people want me to be,
Just for a time, until it is clear
That all is the same and see
Once more I just don’t belong here.

I think I shall grieve a while,
For I know my words are lost,
Empty syllables left in a pile
Of worthless trash, the ghost
Of my struggles to be loved
And embraced for all that I am.


I think I shall sit silent a time
To wonder where I went wrong,
Where is my trial, what was my crime
That I must be kept distant so long?
Where will it end, when will you see
That I know I’m not wanted, it’s so plain .
To me, as I wonder if I will ever be
More than your tiresome ball and chain

Hi Graelwyn.

I like the symmetrical form. It seems that two faces is looking in from the sides.

The title is great. May be too great for the poem itself. Starts sky high on that first line. The rest of the poem does not live up to my expectations. Please do not suffer. It is the rhyming that does it to me and it is because I used to rhyme a lot when I wrote pop/rock lyrics up until several years ago. My first language is swedish so most of my stuff is not in english. I have decided on a symmetrical form to be restricted from instead of a rhyme.  

An odd tip. Write exactly the same poem, just in different styles or meters. And by the way. Think about all the people famous for one line. Does not include me. Well, yet. An interesting idea. Make up false lines. Fault lines. Insane train of thoughts...

And I AM looking forward to see more of your poetry...

Good thoughts!
I spent too much of my life trying to be whatever other people wanted me to be.
Not just to get along..... far too often, survival depended on it.

Of course, in my generation, conformity was demanded.
"You have to get good grades! You have to wear a charcoal gray suit and a pale blue shirt with a button down collar and a black knit tie and a hat.  By the time you are thirty, you must have a mortgage and a station wagon and 2.3 children.

I was constantly reproved for being a nonconformist.

I like myself now, and so do a lot of other people.
Even my daughter, who was born when I was almost 54 years old and is my only child.
But I never had a station wagon. Ain't never gonna have one,
but maybe some day I'll find a young lady who would be willing to bear two more children. (Just kidding)

I really liked the poem. Thanks for posting it.

Thanks for the comments... I am glad it is appreciated.. I never know what to say in reply to positive comments, lol, so bear with me. Ichtms.. I have some rhyming ones, so dont worry, I will share them, but they are very dark poems. I went off writing in rhyme all the time as it seemed far too limiting in terms of word choice.

Hi Graelwyn. Your reply is a relief to me. I too, don't know how to respond to positive comments.

It is a strange paradox isn't it really... we don't usually like criticism, yet...we feel awkward and uncomfortable with praise.

The world has finally caught up with you.  Cheeerrrssss ::::  At university, we were taught to write to the rules, writing in syllablics, sestinas, iambic pentameter, etc. when we had mastered those we were given permission to never write in them again if we didnt want to and it was free verse and your own styles all the way from then.  My poetry isnt very good to be honest but I scraped a 2:1 by some miracle in poetry.  I feel I might get brave enough to post some biographical prose accounts of my son's illness.

I prefer serious poems not to rhyme but that is a personal preference, and poetry is all about personal preferences.  I hated reading Eliot and Yates, but they are poetic geniuses, just not to me.  

Anyway if you like writing I used to love a site called rhymezone.  http://WWW.rhymezone.com.  I think it's dot com at the end.  If not play and search you'll find it.  It not only provides loads of rhyming words it does synonyms, antonyms, definitions. I found it to be a brilliant site for writers.

Thanks, I will check that out at some point. I have a piece of prose, but I am hesitating to share it just yet as it is quite deep, and it is strange, but whenever I write of emotions, I feel awkward reading them... uncomfortable and somewhat foolish, lol.

If it is any consolation I think most writers feel that way.  I hate sharing my work because I feel so useless.  I spent the first three years at university thinking they were going to realise they had offered the place to the wrong person and hoof my sorry butt out of the building.  I was the only mature student and somehow despite my son getting very ill with OCD, now looking highly likely he has Aspergers but certainly has ASD I managed to graduate.  But right through I hated sharing my work in seminars as did many of the others who found it cringingly difficult.  So dont worry, and go for it. (Wishing I could take my own advice)

Please share your prose with us!! I've loved reading your poems because of the bluntness and honesty in them, that we can all identify with at some time or other in our lives.

I will live in hope.
Anna.