Aspies For Freedom

Full Version: Part of the first chaper of Meiloyn's Saga
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Then he remembered that he ran away from home BECAUSE his mother beat him, and decided that Meiloyn was better because she didn't beat Jaku up. Yet, at least.

Then he turned to Meiloyn and said, "I have no home to turn to, Meiloyn-sama. I ran away from my family. They all hate me except for my father, and my mother beats me, and my father can't do anything about it."

"How sad." Meiloyn said, "You never knew a kind family. But that doesn't mean I'll provide you a place to stay here. I'm not a family."

"Please?" Jaku said, and adopted a puppy-eyed look.

"Puppy eyes don't work on me. There is a kind of demon out there that looks like the most adorable thing you have ever seen, but is really a vicious man-eater. I fought a few before."

"I'll try not to get in your way!" Jaku promised.

"Oh, all right. You can stay here for as long as it takes to restore you back to a healthy weight (I swear, your bones are like twigs), but don't expect me to treat you kindly."

"Yes."

"Don't get in my way, as you promised."

"Yes."

"Don't interrupt me if I have a meeting with other daimyo in this room."

"Yes."

"Do not bother any of the daimyo or the samurai."

"Yes."

"Try to keep a clean, neat appearance."

"Yes."

"Mind your manners."

"Yes."

"Don't complain about anything."

"Yes."

"Remember to take off your shoes as you enter."

"Yes."

"You break something, you pay for it."

"Yes."

"Do anything to piss me off and you'll be torn in half faster than you can say, 'Yes'."

"Y-yes."

"Okay then, you're in! Let me go and tell the maids to prepare you a room. Follow me."

Jaku followed silently. He didn't want to be stripped of his privilege to live in Meiloyn's castle simply because he was too noisy.

Meiloyn found the nearest maid and gave her instructions to prepare a bedroom. "Also, you might want to get a smaller futon size. This kid is really small."

Jaku was starting to get annoyed with Meiloyn calling him "kid", "boy", and "baby". Meiloyn appeared to be only a few years older than he was. 16? That's not a difference big enough to be treating him like that.

"Meiloyn-sama, how old are you?" He asked. "I'm just curious."

"1552 years old. For every short human year, a demon lives 50 real years, biologically. Humans grow really fast."

"Wow. How long have you been the daimyo?"

"About a century. I became the daimyo after my father died. Demons make good daimyo because they live so long. I don't think there's a human left who remembers my swear of allegiance to the shogun's dynasty."

"What do you do with all that life?"

"I don't know. Living a long life is so natural to me that I can't answer the question. A fly may wonder the same thing about you. If a fly asked you the question, would you be able to answer it?"

Jaku thought about what Meiloyn said.

Eventually, they entered a room prepared by a maid. It was rather simple for being in a castle, but it looked luxturious to Jaku nonetheless. Meiloyn said to Jaku, "Sleep. I have evening work to do. I will see you in the morning, if I don't get in a bad mood and kill you."

She's always in a bad mood, Jaku thought and got into the futon. It was more comfortable than anything he had ever slept in. The bedding was well-made and filled, the pillow was soft (his own at home was hard as rocks), and the blanket was warm and cozy, being made with soft fur underneath, and on the top made with silken fabric and embroidered with intricate patterns of flowers and calligraphic kanji that he was never taught to read. The futon he slept in at home could never be this comfortable, and there was no such thing as silk. He drifted off to sleep quickly.

~*~

"Hey! Wake up, boy! The sun has already passed your window!" shouted a low female voice with a slight growl to his voice. This wasn't Jaku's mother. His mother would literally throw him out of the bed.

Jaku woke up immediately, and Meiloyn stepped into the room to open the shoji screen window.

~*~ ~*~

And that's it for now.

Bob Bobson Wrote:
Cool! For fiction it kept my attention exceedingly well, that would usually take me about 40 minutes to read, but it took me around 15. Well done Big Grin

Thank you. ^^

Wow! This thread saved the story!

Somebody turned off my computer by accident. I lost most of the story, but I'm glad that it's still here!

rossco Wrote:
Damn that was good!


Thanks!

Okay, what the hell are these ratings? Who rates? I'm confused.

rossco Wrote:
What ratings? Did I miss something?


Up at the top. It's in stars.

nyanchan Wrote:

Bob Bobson Wrote:
There is an option to rate at the bottom.

3 seems to mean average.

I don't see the point in rating a thread myself.


Mmm... Me neither.

Meiloyn, I loved your story. I would like to make a print out (with the author's permission, of course Wink ) so that I can appreciate it more fully.

I can't read for too long on a computer screen, ne.


Go ahead. ^_^

She used to represent me.

Meiloyn has been a constantly evolving character for 3 years. She first started off being Queen Meylowin of Emopia. (I was obsessed with green and Emeralds then). She was an elf with long brown hair and a green battle outfit. She weilded three swords: a pair of small twin swords, and a large heavyblade on her back that she uses for emergencies. And a bow, which formed a cross with her sword.

I changed the spelling of her name to Meiloyn because Meylowin sounded stupid. Emopia developed a more Japanese setting as I realised it fit her exotic character better. She got short black hair and became a devil. Her battle outfit became a little less revealing and black, with some red marks. First signs of me becoming Gothic. Woo! Jaku first appeared around this time. He was much more powerful then, and the huge blade (Resembling InuYasha's Tessaiga) went into his possesion. Meiloyn's twin swords became katanas. Hinonu (perverted daimyo in present day) also appeared, much later. He was a pervert even then, and kept constantly stlaking her, trying to get nude photos. Hinonu was actually resurrected from a really old and crappy character named Himno. Himno had a long, blonde, lightning-shaped ponytail. So I decided to keep it and make it longer as a remnant of the old character. (I always do this)

I went into Jaku's life a little more and gave him a history of an abusive family. I needed a reason. The rest of his family (His mother had a lot of children) was tall and strong and brought up young samurai, so I realised that he needed to be small and weak to get shunned.

I dropped the name Emopia since it sounded stupid and turned The Continent into the country Tae, with nameless provinces. (They are known as things like Meiloyn's Province and Hinonu's Province only)

Eventally, the story evolved into this.

rossco Wrote:
LOve the background. I do this too. If someone was to ask me any question about the characters I could tell them straightaway what the answer is because I mentally flesh them out prior to typing and constantly re-evalue their lives or stances, etc, as the story goes.


Yes. It is a VERY good idea. The first draft of Meiloyn's Saga was COMPLETELY different from this draft.

Meiloyn has caucasian skin, golden eyes with slit pupils, short cropped black hair, long ears, a black devil tail with little notches where the base of the triangle touches the tail, large black bat wings from a second pair of shouderblades, black horns (smaller ones) and that's about it.

Jaku is short and skinny (As of now until some time in Meiloyn's household. He's supposed to be mildy chubby according to his DNA, but lack of food was in the way), with a baby-ish face. His hair is short, messy (as of now until it's combed) and blonde. He gets a tiny ponytail a little later in the story. His eyes are big round, and blue. As a gift from a tribe of angels, he later recieves angel markings on his face to match Meiloyn's but inversed and blue. There is a blue diamond shape on his forehead, and a tapering stripe from below his ear ending underneath the inner edge of his eye, with a notch at the beginning.

Ah, I forgot about Meiloyn's devil markings. Her markings are like Jaku's, but they are red, with the stripe under her LEFT eye.

how she twists and twirls Wrote:
It's pretty neat. Obviously well thought out; soooo much background! I heard once that a good author should know her characters well enough to be able to list the contents of their pockets at any given point in the story, even if it's completely irrelevant to the plot and will never actually be mentioned. You could do that, I'm sure.

It reads like a movie, though, or a comic book. Like it's supposed to be in a different medium, something more visual. Aren't you planning to eventually turn this into a graphic novel? That would explain it. I like the fast pace, but the description's sparse in some places, maybe because you know what everything looks like so well you forget that your audience doesn't. Smile


Yeah, I do plan on making it into a comic. That might be why I didn't add much description because it was originally for my private use only, and then I forgot.

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