Aspies For Freedom

Hi Jason!

Well, I've been looking for a job since August (!!!) so I've been living off my savings since then...trying to pay my share of the rent and bills. Only getting $6 an hour doesn't leave you much for savings so I quicly ran out of money.

Thanks! I sure hope so too!

I may be.

My boyfriend is one of the managers there now. There are always employees coming and going. Going back and quitting. Even if there's an open slot for only one day a week, I'll take it. I just don't want to work at night with all the kids. I don't want a job as a babysitter.

Plus the head manager there liked me. I worked hard. I was quiet. I was there to do my job not fool around. Not to socialize. I was organized. I was clean. I was fast.

Again, not that I want this job back. But it's my last resort. I don't know what else to do.

Thank you. I hope so!

Yeah, I've been applying at the grocery store near here before I even started working at Burger King. I apply whenever I see their hiring sign up (even though I know from ppl telling me that this place has a reputation for firing ppl for no good reason only to hire new ppl. I assume it has to do with the benefits of the company...). Oddly enough, however, I apply then give them a call soon after and they ask my name...I wait a minute...then they say they're not hiring.

Paranoia seeps in...like there's some big conspiracy not to hire me..

We have a local chain called Gerrity's here. I heear they're not good to work for.

Unfortunately I don't really have anything to put on a resume. Past employment really mostly only consisted of fast food jobs or temporary employment. I only have a music-related resume which really won't be of much help out in the "real world", only the musical world.

I can't do any jobs that require lifting. Being with the fact I'm very small (although strong...), 5'1", not even 100 lbs....but I have pretty bad arthritis, especially in my back. I just can't do it.

But anyway, I think there is something going on with this Gerrity's place, like they only want "certain" people to work there. They offer benefits to part-time employees. But I bet those employees never even see those benefits because they get fired before they do (I know people who have worked there).

I also just have this fear (paranoia?) that I'm doomed because of my "fast food" background. I fear they only see that and not the real me, not the smart creative person I really am. I just don't know.

I don't know what's worse: when people ask me "where do you work?" and I say I'm not working at the moment (and how that makes me feel) or when I was working and they asked "where do you work" and I replied "Burger King" and they say "oh" and turns their head away like I suddenly have some contagious disease.

Haha, yeah, that's true. I have sometimes, instead of saying I work at Burger King, said that I was a musician (not lying) and that I do freelance work. I try to make what I really want to do a reality. Although I'm not a good liar, sometimes "pretending" to be more than what I am makes me feel like I really am what I'm pretending to be. Although I have made a profit as a musician it's no where near as much as I have exaggerated to some to be.

Unfortunately I have been given the "ultimatum" today (although I feel I've been given one before *shrugs*): I MUST have my half of the rent by Feb.1st or we are out of here by March 1st. He'll move in with a friend of his and I, as he says, will be "on my own".

I told him I'll go back to BK. He says I don't have to go back to BK. It's almost as if he doesn't want me to. I guess he doesn't understand all places are going to be just as mind-numbing as the next. If I haven't found a different job in 5 months how am I going to find a new one in less than a month? Some places don't even read over applications for a couple weeks.

He told me today that I've "had it made" for the past few months. And I said sarcastically that's why I've been so "happy". I cry almost everyday because my life is so screwed up. When he's at work I cry. Thoughts and worries run through my brain that I can't control. He doesn't realize how scared I feel.

Ugh. Labor. Not to sound lazy, but I hate that word. No labor jobs for me. Not for a 95 lb weakling like myself and a bad back. I can barely even play my bass standing up. I had to quit a job several years ago at the request of my doctor because standing on my feet for too long was killing my back. Now he has a rule I can't lift more than 10 lbs (at least my bass is only 8 lbs) and can't be on my feet for more than 4-5 hours. Although I worked 7 hours a day at Burger King. 7 hours isn't necessarily bad, it's just the fact I never got a break at work like some other jobs gave me. It did prove too much for me. And the days I worked I couldn't come home and practice.

That's a whole other story. I've dealt with this all my life. I just don't go for any jobs that require heavy lifting.

As for disability, I don't have an official diagnosis of AS yet. I don't know how to get one. I called the local voc rehab place here once and they told me that don't do diagnosis there and they only work with people on workman's comp. The nearest place is a city away and I have no way to get there. I'm sure there has to be somewhere within my city that does it. But it's not like I can afford a psychologist.

I guess this is the end.

My boyfriend just called me from work and said BK isn't hiring right now. That, after today he said I'd probably get in easy because they're probably gonna fire the one girl on day shift....Thanks...

I can't believe this is happening.

Even though BK isn't exactly hiring (despite the constant Hiring sign that is posted on the window) I said to my boyfriend: "just 10 hours a week, they have to need people during lunch rushes on the weekend". That would at least be enough to help pay rent while I still look for a job. So I'm going to see about that tomorrow.

I feel incredibly bad that I'm making my boyfriend out to be so horrible. Really he is not. He has given me so much. We just see reality different. We've only known each other for two years but I think it'll take his lifetime to ever understand me heh. But I hope together we can grow and learn. Sounds cheezy but I like that about a relationship.

About the lease: I never signed a lease but the landlady knows I live there with him. I've been paying half the rent since I moved in with him. I had the job at BK when I moved in. I quit BK in August and soon after that was unable to afford my full half of the rent. As he says he's given me fair enough time to find a new job. I've failed at that attemp. So here it is January. He just can't pay the rent on his own anymore. Even though he's a manager, he still doesn't make enough money for rent (and rent here is cheaper than elsewhere in the city, that's for sure).

And yes I do do housework. I do all the housework. I do his laundry when he's at work. I dust, vacuum, clean the bathroom...everything...All he usually does is run the dishwasher and take out the garbage. And we take our turns preparing meals when we're home together. I'm doing housecleaning everyday. Which is extremely tiring in itself. It does disgust me that he thinks I sit around at home all happy doing nothing. Even worse was when I had a job, I'd have to come home and do the housework and wish for enough time and energy to practice my bass. When he'd come home from work he'd usually go and hang out with a friend or go to the bar.

Then again, I guess, as he says I'm not ready for the "grown up" world. Odd that only comes up in reference to working.

I would just love that official diagnosis. Having an official diagnosis of AS would explain so much and help me. And just maybe help him to begin to understand me. My worse fear would be being told I don't have AS...then who knows what.

....

How do you apply for social security? Do I need enough working credits? Because I know, at this point in time, I don't have enough working credits if I'd need to go on disability.

The boyfriend gets his values from his mom. Where money is everything. I thought he was going to break up with me a month after we started dating when he told me his mom didn't like the fact I didn't have a job (I feel like a broken record with not having a job, but, yeah, when we met I didn't have a job). I bet his mom doesn't know half the things about me that I wish she did. Does she know I'm a musician? Does she know how well I did in school? That I'm talented and smart? Probably not. I would love to never have to worry abot money in my life but I would rather have a job/career I'm happy with, making enough to "get by". I never had money growing up so I'm used to it.

Some good news I hope...

I'm put back on the schedule at BK, starting next Saturday! Saturdays and Sundays. I hope my boyfriend finds this ok. This will pay the rent. This will leave me time to continue my searching. Although I hate the fact of going back to that hellish place, it's my last resort for now.

The only problem right now is, and I hope my boyfriend realizes this reality, is that I'm not going to have the full rent for the month by Feb. 1st. It's impossible. I would think that a little is better than none at all.

We had a chat the other day, and an odd statement came up that I've been analyzing for days now. He said if I think I'm "too good" for Burger King than I'm too good for him. I sware he's afraid of me outshining him or something. I should be allowed to better myself. Be something better than a fast food worker right? So if I went out and got the career that I always wanted right now or was able to go back to school and take what I wanted to take then there'd be problems? He contradicts himself. One moment he'll call me smarter than Einstein and that I could do anything. The next moment he's tying me down to a dead-end job that will never provide the stimulation I need.

But anyway...

Now, I know he may seem horrible, but I love him. It only seems that way because this is a thread for complaints and the positive traits just don't fit into the thread.

--

...simply because he's comfortable there. And if he's there long enough, one day, in the future, he can become head manager...and of course that's where the "big money" is. (I wrote this all with a hint of sarcasm).

He was going to college actually for business before he got offered the manager job then he dropped out because he figured he didn't need college anymore. When I first started going out with him I was so jealous because he was in college. I thought "here's someone with some goals"...but...eh...