Aspies For Freedom

Disclaimer: I am not very familiar with Aspergers and don't know many people with it, so please forgive any ignorance on my part...I'm here to learn! (I do have a brother with who is Hard-of-Hearing and has Learning and processing Disorders, so I am sensitive to those who's minds think differently.)


There is a girl in a social group I'm a part of (crafting) that meets every week. She told the group at one point that she has Aspergers as well as ADHD (which she takes meds for). I looked up the signs and from what I can tell, it looks like she's definitely is AS.

I am not very close to her (we have different interests other than the crafts that we do each week), but I am friendly with her and chat with her. However, a lot of other people in the group talk about her behind her back, sometimes in a very mean way, and I am not sure what I should do (so far, I just don't contribute to the conversation). She has often talked about inappropriate things to people who did not want to hear them and often interupts people (including one time when she interupted someone who was talking about their father's recent passing).

I think she has a lot to offer and I've had some good conversations with her before (usually when there's just a couple of us, rather than a larger group), but I'd like to find some way I can "bridge the gap" a bit between the people who are annoyed with her.

It makes me mad that people talk about her like they do, but I am not really sure what I can do to help, other than continue what I already do.

Any suggestions or advice? I'm totally lost on how I can help the situation.

The next time she isn't there and people talk behind her back, explain a little of what you have learned, so that they can understand some of the things they find difficult to understand about her are the results of her condition.  The more they understand that, the more they will be able to accept it, and maybe learn to gently guide her.  A true friend simply tells one when the topic they have brought up is inappropriate.  Quietly and politely.  If the members of the group can learn to do this, everyone will get along much better.

1) Stand up for her, it will mean a lot. AS people including myself get made fun of a lot for things we really can't help and though I can't speak for her, I never had anyone to stand up for me in school and that was the one thing I always wanted.
2) Explain to her to really stay out of conversations unless she is brought into them. I do the same thing but I've gotten a handle on it because I know how annoying it is.

It is nice that you care about a person like that, especially someone that you don't know.

Tell her gently that she shouldn't interrupt people, especially when they're talking about an emotionally charged subject. Explain as best you can why this is and why it might come across as insensitive and selfish. She'll probably appreciate your help and honesty, as long as you make sure you don't sound as though you're insulting her personally.

Tell the rest of the group to lay off her and explain a little about Asperger's, especially the social difficulties. Tell them that they don't have to be her friends, but they should at least try to be tolerant of her. Making fun of her behind her back is callous and immature and as insensitive as interrupting someone while they're talking about the death of a relative. At least your friend didn't realize that she was saying something inappropriate-- they know perfectly well that they're being mean. Even the least likeable person has feelings![/i]

"However, a lot of other people in the group talk about her behind her back, sometimes in a very mean way, and I am not sure what I should do (so far, I just don't contribute to the conversation)."

The thing to do here is/should be OBVIOUS, glad i'm not "normal".

Tell them to STFU. Sugar coat it however u need to, in order to make them see how lame THEY are. You can be sure they say inappropriate things at inappropriate times to her without regard to her feelings. Also u are consenting/approving of this insulting talk by ur silence.

As far as not knowing what to do, you in fact know perfectly well what to do. Tell them to stfu.

Argh, my communication skills are failing me now, and i am strictly a hunt and peck typist.  Apologies if u take offense, yet u asked.

"I am not really sure what I can do to help, other than continue what I already do."

I can't figure out what exactly you are doing, other than not "contributing to the conversation". Silence is consent. Were this girl in a wheelchair or blind or something, what would you do in the presence of such behind the back talking?

I think they need to be told that she doesn't understand what she is doing "wrong" and that it will take time and patience for her to learn. If they won't accept this then they are not very nice people.