Drifter
I was self diagnosed, it gave me confidence and I understood myself and my life, now the pych done told me I'm wrong and she said all the things I put in another post. I feel like sxxt, that I must be blamed for all my own problem's, that why I am alone and my friends (thought they were my friends) think I am crazy. I feel like I have done something wrong when all I did was ask for help but I could not find the words to say what is wrong. If like my pych says that your patients would not like you if you were aspie and you would not be able to show empathy and be sensitive/caring by her own assumptions she must be aspie because I don't like her, I've met some of her other patients who don't like her, she seemed very cold and insensitive. She says she has specialist knowledge in pervasive development disorder's but her assumption's of what an adult with asperger's should be suggest that she learnt from Rainman (says we should have no friends, can't form relationships, can't do art degrees, can't show empathy to other's). The woman got me down, confused, lonely and depressed all in one day (suppose that confirms my mood disorder rather than me reacting to a horrible bully of a doctor who intimidated me). I don't want to leave the house, I can't stop crying, I can't sleep, I'm miserable, I'm scared of my future, I never had a decent relationship and never been loved. Had 5 weeks in a relationship that was my only idea of what it could be like and I messed that up by being 'controlling' and what ever. I definetly don't want to go to work, my colleagues hate me, they think I am crazy, I lose again.
I used to be self-diagnosed but now I'm sort of semi-officially diagnosed I guess. I got an assessment for my AS through a local autism center which agreed I have Aspergers and I receive accomodations with the assessment papers at my uni. But there were no \"qualified\" diagnosticians on staff at that autism center so mine's not uber uber official.
I'm planning on getting the official official one before I head onto grad school since it's not a guarantee every school I go to will accept just the assessment for AS and give me accomodations.
Fruitcake- what are some of the traits of A.S. that you have ,please ? Can you get a second opinion ? The Pych that you saw seems to be insensitive, unkind , and as if she may not know what she is talking about ! People who have A.S are not uncaring, insensitive, lacking in empathy, as is thought by some NTs. We are just the same as everyone- not perfect, but equally as caring as everyone else . We may sometimes express ourselves differently to NTs , but we have the same feelings . People who think about autism in a negative way, such as the Pych that you saw, make me feel angry! :mad:
My worst trait that causes issues for me, not so obvious unless you break things down, is impairment in imagination, in that I have trouble seeing the outcome of things (including my own 'illness'), I use really on other's to reasure me (often impossible), I guess I have trouble seeing the alternative outcome (or I imagine the worst make sense, is that aspie or pychological?). The biggest thing I cannot see the outcome of is my life, I can make plans and have ideas but don't know how to get there (lots of obstacles, maths difficulties preventing me getting on professional courses, difficulties with interviews, being scared of change, hence the fear of changing jobs, I good at my job because I know my clients inside out I'd have to start again).
People say I talk at them rather than with them (do this more if stressed, trying to explain myself, my behaviour, things that puzzle me, particular subjects of interest Asperger's obviously, films). Tend to innocently accussed of being rude, me-me (my good friends know I am not, the other's say I do not recognise other people have their own problem's).
Have neutral facial expression's and poor eye contact, can be uncomfortable with being touched.
Have the motor coordination problems (clumsy, muddle bt left-right, poor hand to eye coordination).
I have had difficulties in relationships (she said we all get that) I felt like a caged animal because I was controlled and mentally abused. Only had one long term relationship and that was abusive (I am vunerable to that, cause I am so trusting and let it happen), other than that I have never had a date, strings of one night stands, flings that meant nothing and one short lived relationship where for the first time in my live I felt things I never felt before (because we were so similiar, had same interests, same character, but he been single for ages, has committment issues, I had committment issues, I just wanted to have fun with him more like a friend I loved, he thought I was controlling him, when actually I was controlling my routines).
Hearing is a big issue, its the only concrete thing I can prove and need to do something about, it is driving me mad.
My other big problem is concentration, easily distracted (rather like AD/HD), a friend reckon's I more likely AD/HD, because she seen what I am like, fiddgit, cannnot watch a dvd without pausing it enough times, can be very focused on something I obessessed about (being at the pc is one).
I have a pattern of obessessional interests since a kid that fit the research about girls so so (people I was so obessessed with Philip Schofield my cousin's took the mic, in retrospect one said I was in love with lol, that went beyond the fan thing, I obessessively had to watch his TV programmes, have been mistakingly accussed of being a bunny boiler as an adult, I have had a hard time getting over relationship's, 3 occassions, I was obessessed with my first bf again short lived, for 4 years from when I was 12 until I 15 or so, usually stops when I find someone else to obessess about, more recently it stopped when I got obessessed about myself).
Not so bothered about getting diagnosed anymore per si, just treated for the things that cause me problem's, noise sensitivity, anger (very rare but if it rears its head its ugly almost like a split in my personality its not me when I get like that, frustration and anger born out of not understanding myself and what people do to me), PMS (mood swings), panic attacks, fear's, isolation, confidence. It also like friends will not except I may be aspie unless I get it confirmed (therefore when they say stuff like you really should not go on the computer about this and I'd think you are bi-polar and not Asperger's, it makes me panic and feel like I have been bad, not being believed, - its for that reason I cannot go back to work, they think I am crazy when I am not and I feel again like they are mocking me, hey she loopy and dellusional thinks she got Autism). I have enough trouble getting jobs because of my communication difficulties and that I appear drunk or on drugs, let alone with a mental health label I don't have I work in care how that going to help my career - having a mood disorder that cannot be treated because meds make it worse they'll think I fly off the handle at the slightest thing, when all I do is get angry with doctor's and idiots I work with, but I never display any anger at work (the worst thing I do is flip out and get angry via text) totally professional, nice, kind and caring at work.. This is a mess, does not matter if I am aspie or not my moods are related to pychological injury/experience not chemical imbalances in the brain. No wonder they got so many women I have met down as pychotic, paranoid, bi-polar, well all it seems to me is they have had a shit life and been abused by men and society (usually on benefits/low paid jobs).
Well, i can certainly relate to alot of what you have said, and i do believe that you have A.S. Perhaps see if you can get a second opinion , from someone who really understands something about autism. You are of great value, look after yourself Fruitcake.
Am unofficially diagnosed with Kanners/classic autism by speech/language therapist see every week [cant get official diagnosis as they not able to] but was officially diagnosed with AS.
if in need of support,whether it be with living somewhere [residential or group,in own accomodation..],education,support with getting out/around,
go for an evaluation as it will make things better,but if not in need of any support,dont bother getting it officially because its being labelled with a disability and it can make things worse for people.
does not matter what other people think whether its self diagnosed or not because whether its official or not,people will always be welcome in the Autistic community.
Well a congantive behaviouristist pychologist has said she felt I had Asperger's, so seen as the mental healtth pychiatrist's ignore that saying I have mood disorder (frustration, sadness, anger mmm Edward Scissorhands, no sxxt shirlock if I have a 'mood disorder' but not from biological reason's, I know what makes me moody - stress, anxiety, being misunderstood, blaming myself when I don't even know if I have done wrong). I still angry with the pych, but kalma will take care of her (or at least a lawyer if I ever find out for sure that she is an ignorant poo faced you know what).
If this pysch is so bad at dealing with people, I think it could be worth putting in an official complaint about how she has treated you. It's very unprofessional for her to have made all those negative comments to make you feel worse.
I wouldn't necessarily say she has AS as people can have a cold personality for other reasons. She could even be a tad sadistic - a few people who go into the medical profession actually cause suffering rather than cure it and seem to enjoy it. It could also have been a personality conflict but it seems that she could be in the habit of making hurtful comments.
She doesn't know zip about AS if she dismisses your symptoms so readily. I hope you can find somebody alternative who will be much more sympathetic and understanding and give constructive advice intead of tearing you down.
I was playing on her own ideas of what people with AS should be like, suggesting she should have AS because she said I could not because my patients like me and I am empathetic. That's my sense of humour. She see's it as a disability and not a difference. The woman is evil. I wrote a poem about her that went down well with a lot of people in my mental health support group who have had similiar exeriences with pychs.
Ooh, I bet her ears are burning! She's probably got more problems than most of her clients. Her personality must be quite crapulous.
Just found out some information about early development that may fit how I feel about the extra male brain theory, I identified with that big time, feel like got a man's brain in a woman's body that had to learn how to be a girl and didn't really want to be a girly girl once I got older. Tomboys child, like being one of the lads as an adult.
Turn's out it is possible I had elevated levels of testosterone at birth, I may genital's were different (this fits trust me I know but did not see it as different! an ex sad something), its is possible they may have thought I was not quite a girl or a boy but then decided I was a girl but different. Very interesting and highly likely to be on my medical records.
Got enough development history to secure diagnosis, so going to go for it and I will get to Pr Simon Baren-Cohen's clinic.
I have decided to give up on getting a diagnosis. My GP is taking my councultants word and telling me that I am making myself ill by pursing this, really cannot be bothered anymore. I am getting sent to audiology to check my hearing. Even had the cheek to say I was getting hyper maniac again just because I was speaking with pressure of speech (I was stressed with his attitude). The more I fight it the more they say I am bi-polar.
I have decided to change my diet myself, not take any meds prescribed by doctor, ask for them to look into my pre-menstrual symptom's, if they don't I go get combined pill from family planning. I am going back to work and am going to get on with my life. I am challening my interests away from autistic spectrum disorder's, so I can be myself and not be defined by a lebel. I come on here to get support and advice. I cannot join local support groups without a diagnosis. I now have a phobia of flying and doctor's.
I can't handle the stress of fighting anymore, the more I do the more they confirm I am 'mentally ill'. Nice.
I'm not partial to it, but anyone like rap out there? I'm just curious!