Aspies For Freedom

I actually couldnt *lie* until I was about 13. It never occorued to me to do it.. I would always think some time later "I should have lied" & told myself that I would try the next time an opportunity came up. When I became aware of times to do it (took alot of effort) I would, but it was such an unusual thing to do my tics (tourettes) would go of more then usual so my mother could always tell just from my tics. I can lie now relatively well, though my mother is still quite good at catching me out. But alot of people cant tell. but it took about 7 years of figuring out how to actually make myself do it & when it was good to tell lies & when it wasnt...

Im a bit curious as well. Were other Apsies honest to a 'T' when they were growing up. Im still honest as hell but my mother knows that as does my sister/sisters BF & my friends.. There have been quite a few times I've had to appologise to an NT friend just to get back on good ground even though I didnt think Id done anything wrong.. All NTs expect an apology even if it seems like the smallest thing in the world. I've just learnt to say sorry when I upset them. I have to remind them sometimes I have AS cos my friends occasionally forget, Im VERY high functioning but I still have my probs.. The last time I went to my NT friends house she did something which totally freaked me out & I (apparently) over-reacted & she kept doing it cos she thought I wasnt being serious & I've now told her that if she dies before me at her funeral Im going to give a speech & say how good friends we r but I can never forgive u for getting ur nephew's slobber all over my arm so I wont be to upset if u go to hell... Its a long story but ya I can picture it in my head 40 years from now an old frail me telling the story & her nephew sitting there, after my speech just says "man grow up" & walks out. lol... again a bit of topic.

Oh a question for any NTs here. How long does it take u to get over an argument with some1 (not just AS people i mean every1). Cos every now & again I will have a full blown argument with 1 of my NT friends. & Im always over it after about 10-15 mins cos by that point I've run through the list of reasons Im right, & no offence to my NT friend but alot of the time she isnt overly informed so I know for a fact Im right most of the time. But this particular NT friend is a very emotional person, so she can stay mad for hours & even days depending on the argument. R most NTs over it quickly or does it take a while like my friend. Also Id like to hear how long it takes other Aspies to get over arguments with friends (if they ever have any). Having a very emotion/optimistic NT friend can cause issues sometimes it seems. She always tells me Im a pesimist & to look on the "bright" side.. Im sry but alot of the time the bright side ur talking about isnt very realistic, forgive me for looking at things & not being able to see fairys & unicorns in the future or something.

God exactly. My friends have found times to put my honesty to use though. Most of my friends have moved to the city & I rarely go up to see them (about twice in 5 years) & i had gotten all the stuff I wanted & we had a few hours to kill. So 1 of my female friends started dragging me around to all the clothes shops & askd me if I thought various clothes looked good on her. She always had to probe though as to why cos saying they look to tight wasnt really gonna help her buy clothes. In the end she was trying on a bunch of clothes but she didnt want people to see her incase they didnt look good so she opened the door to the change room slightly & told me to stick my head in to tell her how she looked... I made a remark that the sales woman would think Im perving on u & she almost bust her gut laughing. Then I said oh wait if shes heard me talk she'll know Im not (I have a very gay accent) & she laughed again & said I dont care wat *she* thinks I just want ur opinion about how I look...

I've had that happen as well with the friend asking about clothes... They asked me if I liked it, not if it looks good on them. So I told them I didnt like it & then they had a hissy fit & Im just standing there thinking why r u getting so workd up. But helping a friend go clothes shopping is about the only time I've found being really honest has a good side.

lol Im from australia & even though ppl here do speak quite differently from well I think pretty much everywhere my accent is well a mix of aussie & gay. lol Im a homosexual & alot of us talk fairly different then the other people in our comunity. Basically I open my mouth & every1 in ear shot knows I find males attractive instead of females... WAY of subject.. Any1 have anything more to add to the things they want NTs to know... I just looked & there is another thread now... perhaps they thought we got to off topic. Ill_Nino_Are_Great perhaps If ud like to talk more we should PM instead of using this chat lol

This has been mentioned already but I totally agree..
If ur in a hurry dont ask us a question, we wont be quick & to the point. Infact we'll most likely tell u everything we know about it. & dont be annoyed when u ask us a question & expect us to automatically know the answer & we have no idea, we dont have insane amounts of knowledge about *everything* usually just out special interest or/and a few other things. We're not an encilopedia u know. But with that last comment if u ask about our special interest we will most lilkly seem we r & some of us could go on for hours about it so dont ask about it unless ur genuinally interested. Because we cant pick up on body gestures most of the time & once we start talking about wat were passionit about we'll notice even less (me atleast) so dont stand their trying to say ur board about the current topic cos we wont know until u tell us. If we have been going on about it for quite a while try not to interupt us unless u urgently need to leave, we would appreicate it if u said u had to go when it seems like the current sentence is over, sure u may get it wrong & think we're finished about that particular topic when we're not but at least u made an effort right, its not like u just said gotta go turned around & walked off. We think its highly rude to be interupted as would alot of NTs I think...

Newbie post.  

I read through this thread and didn't see the mentioned but I may have missed it.

I don't have any 'friends' and I suspect part of the reason is because I'm not bothered by going several months without talking to someone (in particular). Any person. It doesn't bother me at all.

Sadly, I even do that with family members - I have to make notes to call my daughter who lives out of town, otherwise I just won't think of it. I feel really guilty about that at times.

It's not a negative thing though. It doesn't mean I don't love my daughter or like my 'friends', I just get busy or can't be bothered. And I don't mean that negatively.  I just don't think of it, I'm comfortable.

If an NT has a friend with ASD or AS and they find a certain 'out of sight, out of mind' thing going on, my advice would be - don't be worried or offended, one day we'll re-appear like nothing ever happened.

Now would be a good time for someone to say they can relate to this, I just read my post and it sounds horrible.    But it's true.

I sorta relate to ur post Aubie. Im mixed, I talk to my best friend all the time & a few other people on MSN or online once or twice every couple of weeks & other friends I talk to like once every 3 or 4 months when they ring me. Those friends that I talk to rarely moved away & their quite busy so I tend to forget about them cos I dont talk to them in such a long time & then suddenly one of them will call me while walking home for work & is like "Hey its been awhile hasnt it" & Im just like "Yeah got that right".

But Id agree if ur friends with an Aspie dont be offended if they dont try to talk to u for long periods of time, perhaps if u want to talk try calling them or sending them an email, an email mite work better cos then they can check it on their own time & wont have to worry about arkward phone calls with lots of silence.

I apologize for going off topic, but thank you for posting that. I have read up on AS to a fair degree to better educate and understand myself, but I have never come across this association.  I have the most unpredictalbe and sometimes extreme negative reactions to a huge number of medications, to the point where I consider nothing but ibuprofen "safe" for me, but I never before thought it had anything to do with AS.

This thread is a little disturbing.

For those of us who are better than dumb bullies, we need to nuture that, and if necessary for self esteem, self-segregate, maybe have a little enclave in the school for smart kids only, no dumb bullies allowed.

Don't give up so easy.
AS stands for All Stars.
Always Shining.

They're not doing what the school system thinks they are supposed to be doing, they are pushing the envelope, they are years ahead of grade level, they are doing special projects, building internal combustion engines, for example.

They have a school within a school, they are seldom within shouting distance of a learning challenged bully struggling to stay on grade level, let alone close enough to be punched.  Escorted by adults in groups of kids.  Other kids also know the achievements they have (kind of like Olympics of the Mind we had in high school maybe when OM was new craze)

Other kids are properly educated what Asperger is and is not and why laypeople may think it is MR for example (the social behavior is unconventional either way, and academic intelligence is relatively invisible day to day amongst kids.  By the time we have college and graduate degrees it is a little too late for the classmates to realize "we're sorry..... yeah of course, MR/DD never get into college let alone get out"

Maybe deep down inside we are trying to prove something, to them, to ourselves if we think somehow we are retarded--- on an emotional level

That word retarded.... when my girl classmate used it to describe herself self-depreciatingly in our 11th grade yearbook ("I looked so RETARDED, I was licking my lips, ha ha")
We know what she meant.... 45 years of Melwood commercials, they are trying to make TV commercials where MR/DD adults aren't looking funny on camera

Donate your car to Melwood, and we'll teach this woman to smile with her tounge not showing like a normal person.....

I guess that's why AS have issues sometimes with MR, DD, LFA, even HFA.
(Big button at convention that says, Autism spectrum yes, Retarded no, MIT doctorate!!!!!) or (Hate the word retard, haven't heard it since I made VP and I don't want to hear it again thank you)

Good post Ethel.

I am in agreement here with you about disagreeing with the above hypothesis- and glad that you are free to express your ideas about it, too.

I guess I misunderstand as well seeing as I thought Lucie was referring to yet a different poster. It's a bit confusing all this misunderstanding.

Briefly... and to get the thread back on track...  Hmmm.... I can't decide on which list to post...

First list

1. Please respect my quiet nature...
2. Take not advantage of my good nature...
3. Criticize not my interest of nature...
4. I do not understand a bantering nature...
5. Be more like me in nature. Hence teach me not to be like you.

Second list

1. Ye who throw stones should not speak from a glass house.
2. You are blind… with open eyes that cannot see.
3. Blind I am not…  clearly I see with eyes so closed.
4. Wade less... ‘tis deeper elsewhere in one’s eyes.
5. Slow down...  before you speak to eyes so deep.

No need to apologize... I simply saw that ‘five-things-list-making’ was not happening, so I posted a couple.

No, not at all... My ‘banter’ comment was aimed at NT behavior around my circle of interaction... no one at all on AFF, and yes indeed, we are all individuals.  Hope his clears this up...

Batman, I think it's a bit unfair to ask Breeze or anyone to watch what they say about their own or others' success or accomplishments just because you feel you are untalented and dim and envious.

(Whyever do you listen to that other mostly critical guy in your head? He's not telling you the whole story, or the truth..He isn't your friend-don't trust him)..