Aspies For Freedom

I don't have many stims, but they are pretty noticable to others...

The rocking back and forth, or side to side.  I think the look on my face combined with the motion is what catches people's eyes.  My friends often comment on it.  One friend calls it my "mommy rock," because she thought I picked it up caring for my nieces and nephew.  Actually, I did it from the time I was an infant.  I would grab the the crib railing and stand up, and then rock in my crib so habitually, the screws would work out.  My dad finally glued and tied my crib together, until I rocked the crib across the floor, and jammed it against the bedroom door, and my parents couldn't get into the room.  Dad had to take a window out to get to me.  Then he took the wheels off of my crib and nailed a 2X4 to the floor in front of my crib to keep it from traveling.

Playing with pens, pencils, small objects to the point of destroying them.  Forbid I get a condiment packet.  I'll squeeze it until it explodes.  Relish explodes the best, but that's not why I do it.

I rub my feet together, or rhythmically move them so they rub on my blanket or inside my sock.  The leg wiggle is normal for me too.

I also press my teeth together, or grimace, but thanks to my rearing, I make sure no-one sees what I'm doing.

I find these actions to be so automatic, I guess that's why their "stims."  I usually do most to comfort myself or deal with excess stress or energy.    The rocking and the foot moving seems to part of my zoning out, as I do that often at the same time.  

I never notice it until someone comments on it.  In fact, friends pointed out how often I do some of these things in an "aha" moment when we were talking about my "situation."  

Oh, well.

Hey, Peter-I really, really like your icon.  Did you draw it?

Metta, Jaye

Pen / pencil rubbing
Knee / leg twitching (not guilty any more)

and without sounding rude - I also get shouted at by Gemma cos she accuses me of having my hand on my genitals a lot, like when i'm sat watching tv or whatever, i don't see it like that but she does and she is like can you not just move your hand. to me it's like comfort/routine

No she is a good person and has a heart of gold but sometimes we are so *** incompatible it winds me up, like our interests are so different, like she likes mainstream stuff and I hate it with a passion as an example.

One of the reasons I investigated what it was I was feeling and why is to help both of us understand things and that ist's not me or that i'm bad or thick or don't grasp things, or forget things or whatever it's that how I think and how she thinks are miles apart. That makes it easier on me, like when we disagree I don't think it's her being a cow just that she sees things different that's all.

Maybe I can, maybe this is just it, maybe it's me having bad habits I really do not know as I don't fully understand this. maybe there is a reason why i do things the do, don't see the harm in what bothers other people I really do not totally understand all of this but i am trying my best to grasp a reason why.

There are times this totally batters my head!  :mad:

Yet another eye opening moment for me, how many times have I heard leave it alone or it;s not gonna fall off etc

This is something i'm so trying to understand but the last few weeks have been like a revelation like omg here is a reason why you feel how you do, you act how you act, you speak the way you do and this is why to like everything of the last 30 years.

I often say to her it's not what you say its how you speak to me, once it gets to a certain level or tone then I snap and either shout, want to hit something or just walk away. and I mean i'm talking about walking out of the house we have bought regardless of the consequences, sod the money, give it the building society back I don't want to be here, with you or with anyone else. then an elemnt of common sense kicks in when I have calmed down. That is why I usually walk away as opposed to speaking out about something.

you seem to understand me well, I have found a counsellor online. Nice one!

Yet another eye opening moment for me, how many times have I heard leave it alone or it;s not gonna fall off etc

This is something i'm so trying to understand but the last few weeks have been like a revelation like omg here is a reason why you feel how you do, you act how you act, you speak the way you do and this is why to like everything of the last 30 years.

I often say to her it's not what you say its how you speak to me, once it gets to a certain level or tone then I snap and either shout, want to hit something or just walk away. and I mean i'm talking about walking out of the house we have bought regardless of the consequences, sod the money, give it the building society back I don't want to be here, with you or with anyone else. then an elemnt of common sense kicks in when I have calmed down. That is why I usually walk away as opposed to speaking out about something.

you seem to understand me well, I have found a counsellor online. Nice one!

Where I am with her in relation to this...

At first she was like yes I can see how you think this, some things stand out ie social interaction, lack of friends, singular interests, co ordination problems etc but some were not as applicable if at all.

then as she has looked at it more she has even said yes the more I see and read the more i think it could be true.

Her concern is what is admitting it going to change? Well to me it's an answer, it's about a condition as opposed to me seeing myself as weird or different so that lifts me immensely on a personal level. It also means I can get help with the parts of it that bother me personally, i'd like to knwo more people but if they had the same interests as me, they exist but i don't know how to approach them.

I wish I could open my head up to people so they could see how I think, cos talking and explaining is not a strong point either. One word answers are my speciality.

People on here have been a great help and there are some i'd like to take out and buy a beer cos it's been like thanks in a way that I can't explain what i'm saying thanks for. Even now I feel like i'm waffling on even though in my head this probably makes sense to you.

Finding if it's true helps. Then getting ways of dealing with the parts I find difficult will help.

I know doing things I want to do will help but it's finding people and approaching people about being mates that is difficult.

Umm, I hope I'm not counted in amongst the idiots and yes, I'm strongly against prenatal testing for autism.