Aspies For Freedom

I have a deep-seated fear of hurting ayone (not all that unusual, I know) emotionally or physically.  It has a tendency to get in the way when someone is hurting ME somehow and I can't make myself tell them to stop, or some such, because I don't want to make them upset, and I know they never meant whatever it is they did/said to hurt me.  (poorly phrased, sorry)

Anyway, recently, I have been having some difficulties in my relationship with my bf.  If ever there was someone I have to be careful about hurting, it's him; he's very delicate.  He's on Zoloft now, which is good, because in the past he's attempted suicide 15 times.  But it's a delicate balance nonetheless.  So I've developed a bit of a paranoia, that if I do or say the wrong thing he'll be flung into the darkest depths of depression and maybe not come out again.
But there are so many things I need to say to him that I'm having difficulty bringing out, things that are important, about our relationship.  Like, I don't like looking at his face.  What kind of thing is that to say to your boyfriend?  I can't even explain what it is that makes me nervous when I see his face.  I thought it was eye contact, so we avoided that, but it seems to be more than just that.
Also, everytime I see him, despite his appearance virtually not changing at all, there's always a long moment when I'm not sure it's him.   Sometimes it's not until he speaks that I'm absolutely sure.  Which is scary, because I keep thinking I've mistaken someone else for him.

So, anyway, does anyone have any suggestions to make it easier on both me and him when I do get up the courage to speak to him?

Mmmm, I tend to have just the other problem. I have lack of fear for other people's fellings getting hurt by me. But if your friend is ready to kill himself I suggest you stay away from him and put him in a mental hospitable.

No, I generally don't have a problem with recognizing faces and am even more likely to recognize someone than most people I know, which is why this is so unsettling.

Luai--

I think you do need to talk to him about how hard it is to talk about issues he may be sensitive to, and set up boundaries around communication.  An example would be if you want to talk, but he's feeling vulnerable, he's to let you know so you can back off a bit.

However, if he is always this way, he needs to take care of himself, and that means therapy, make sure he's taking meds that work for him, and to realize that you're going to say things that may be hard for him to deal with, but which are normal things for couples to discuss.

Also, you have to realize there's only so much you can do.  If you have compromised yourself to the point you can't breathe and you're not acting like yourself because of this relationship, is it worth it?

Good luck in dealing with this.  This sounds like a confusing and difficult situation for you.  Take care of yourself while you work this out.

Metta, Jaye.