11-08-2006, 12:49 AM
Hi folks,
This is my first post on here.
I've umm-ed and ah-ed about whether I have AS for about five years now. Let me tell you about myself.
I'm 'Steve', I'm 25 years old and I live in Manchester. My background is from school, where I was a bit of a swot and did really well in all my exams but better in sciences, to a very good uni to study engineering. Five months ago I got a job in engineering, following a year and a half of doing a crap admin job after I left uni (in June 2004, I had a bit of a rest that summer). I am still there and it's going quite well actually work-wise.
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My troubles started fairly shortly after I got to uni - I couldn't get on with the work, and despite living in halls I felt excluded a lot of the time and that stuff was going on without me. I'd never been one to go out much when I was at school, but had got some friends who were in the same position as we were all the nerds. Things weren't a problem then but once I lived away from home in halls of residence I started to notice that things weren't working out for me socially.
I went out a lot at uni, but felt like I was tagging on and that no-one would be that bothered if I wasn't there, which was borne out later on as hardly anyone kept in touch. Throughout my second, third and fourth years I got very frustrated, as nothing seemed to make any difference to how people regarded me or whether anyone would talk to me. I left and went home for a week in my fourth year with the message "I'm fed up with everything about this place", which no-one took seriously. I scraped through my exams despite my final year project being cocked up by my department (one-to-one supervisor-student thing, the supervisor got very ill and wasn't replaced for a term) which they then said they weren't responsible for and said I should've spoken up sooner (this is a very high-ranking uni I'm talking about). In the end, I got through the course and looked forward home to try and put it behind me. The week after I finished someone who I'd thought was a close friend told me he'd got together with a close (female) friend, who I'd been assuming I'd get together with as soon as I finished, as we used to talk for a few hours a day on MSN. It turns out that he'd been lying to me for three years about not feeling anything for her, they'd both lied about not being able to come and celebrate the end of my exams, and she was 'just being polite' by talking on to me MSN, in her words. It was fair to say that university was not a great time for me
-------------------------
After I left uni I took up an admin job at a place where I'd been temping when I was there for cash. It went well and I made some friends and had a reasonable social life, although a similar situation to uni has arisen where I've moved on and despite my best efforts they've all (but one or two) dropped off the radar completely. And I can't see why that would be, in a similar way to at uni. I also lost out on a couple of job interviews for internal promotions, where I was told that "on paper you were by far the best candidate, but came across and nervous/not confident enough in your interview". And these were interviews within my own office, with people that I was very comfortable with. I was confident. But maybe I didn't come across as it. A similar thing happened when I tried for engineering jobs at various stages, before finally getting lucky earlier this year.
I've been rather happier since leaving uni (I'm back at home), but recently have been feeling that same massive frustration I felt at uni.
--------------------------
Why do I think I have some form of AS then?
-I have big problems with eye contact (sometimes I look like I'm staring, sometimes I feel comfortable looking people in the eye, and therefore they do too to me).
-I don't pick up on body language at all.
-I am very, very literal and expect others to be the same, and my method of learning things is often rote recollection
-Quite often things I say are very obviously misunderstood by the recipient
-People clearly don't feel confident at communicating with me because of my body language/eyes/method of communication (in the past 4/5 months, I've always lead the way with MSN conversations/texts/anything else, never the other way round. I always contact people who then reply politely, but they never initiate the convo). In a social group, conversations get away from me unless it's a one-to-one.
-People shun me for reasons that aren't clear to me at all (girls who to me I would seem to be very much their type saying quite plainly that I'm not). I've been on one semi-date in my whole life - which didn't go well as she misunderstood my intentions - and am still very much inexperienced in the ways of the woman! People tell me I'm just 'out of luck and haven't met the right person', but I know it's more than that, as I've met a couple of people who would be perfect for me and who I'd be very good for if they knew the 'real' me.
As for my interests, they used to be very narrow but have broadened somewhat over the past few years as I've become aware of the situation that I most likely face.
----------------------
But then there's the flip-side of the coin.
I have made friends from school (maybe 7/8 who I keep in touch with), uni (5/6), and workplaces (a few so far). And many of my closest friends are either now married, or in extremely stable relationships.
I've been a best man. I organised a stag do, spoke at a wedding in front of over 100 people and it went down very well
I ran a university society and started my own sports team, we travelled the country doing the British Uni championship, with me organising it. I organised events in uni for about 300 people over the years. I wrote student newspaper articles, and recruited the new people at the Freshers fair. They didn't seem too bothered about my eye contact.
I've been on holiday on my own and got to know people on the trip I was on.
I can look after myself and others in the home, manage domestics and stuff (I took up cooking two years ago).
------------------------------
In the right circumstances, I can interact in a normal way, absolutely. I can be confident in myself outwardly at times, as I've got a job in my field of study which is going pretty well.
But things just aren't working out for me socially and the times when I can be like that are far too rare. They don't happen naturally like they do for other people, who accelerate way past me in terms of friendships and bonds with others.
-----------------------------
As far as I'm concerned, I'm at the mild end of AS. A couple of people mentioned it to me separately five years ago and we agreed, but that I'm only just over the boundary of where it's noticeable and affects how I get on in life. Which is a tricky position to be in.
What do you guys reckon?
Cheers for reading, and sorry for the very long, self-indulgent post...
'Steve'
This is my first post on here.
I've umm-ed and ah-ed about whether I have AS for about five years now. Let me tell you about myself.
I'm 'Steve', I'm 25 years old and I live in Manchester. My background is from school, where I was a bit of a swot and did really well in all my exams but better in sciences, to a very good uni to study engineering. Five months ago I got a job in engineering, following a year and a half of doing a crap admin job after I left uni (in June 2004, I had a bit of a rest that summer). I am still there and it's going quite well actually work-wise.
-------------
My troubles started fairly shortly after I got to uni - I couldn't get on with the work, and despite living in halls I felt excluded a lot of the time and that stuff was going on without me. I'd never been one to go out much when I was at school, but had got some friends who were in the same position as we were all the nerds. Things weren't a problem then but once I lived away from home in halls of residence I started to notice that things weren't working out for me socially.
I went out a lot at uni, but felt like I was tagging on and that no-one would be that bothered if I wasn't there, which was borne out later on as hardly anyone kept in touch. Throughout my second, third and fourth years I got very frustrated, as nothing seemed to make any difference to how people regarded me or whether anyone would talk to me. I left and went home for a week in my fourth year with the message "I'm fed up with everything about this place", which no-one took seriously. I scraped through my exams despite my final year project being cocked up by my department (one-to-one supervisor-student thing, the supervisor got very ill and wasn't replaced for a term) which they then said they weren't responsible for and said I should've spoken up sooner (this is a very high-ranking uni I'm talking about). In the end, I got through the course and looked forward home to try and put it behind me. The week after I finished someone who I'd thought was a close friend told me he'd got together with a close (female) friend, who I'd been assuming I'd get together with as soon as I finished, as we used to talk for a few hours a day on MSN. It turns out that he'd been lying to me for three years about not feeling anything for her, they'd both lied about not being able to come and celebrate the end of my exams, and she was 'just being polite' by talking on to me MSN, in her words. It was fair to say that university was not a great time for me
-------------------------
After I left uni I took up an admin job at a place where I'd been temping when I was there for cash. It went well and I made some friends and had a reasonable social life, although a similar situation to uni has arisen where I've moved on and despite my best efforts they've all (but one or two) dropped off the radar completely. And I can't see why that would be, in a similar way to at uni. I also lost out on a couple of job interviews for internal promotions, where I was told that "on paper you were by far the best candidate, but came across and nervous/not confident enough in your interview". And these were interviews within my own office, with people that I was very comfortable with. I was confident. But maybe I didn't come across as it. A similar thing happened when I tried for engineering jobs at various stages, before finally getting lucky earlier this year.
I've been rather happier since leaving uni (I'm back at home), but recently have been feeling that same massive frustration I felt at uni.
--------------------------
Why do I think I have some form of AS then?
-I have big problems with eye contact (sometimes I look like I'm staring, sometimes I feel comfortable looking people in the eye, and therefore they do too to me).
-I don't pick up on body language at all.
-I am very, very literal and expect others to be the same, and my method of learning things is often rote recollection
-Quite often things I say are very obviously misunderstood by the recipient
-People clearly don't feel confident at communicating with me because of my body language/eyes/method of communication (in the past 4/5 months, I've always lead the way with MSN conversations/texts/anything else, never the other way round. I always contact people who then reply politely, but they never initiate the convo). In a social group, conversations get away from me unless it's a one-to-one.
-People shun me for reasons that aren't clear to me at all (girls who to me I would seem to be very much their type saying quite plainly that I'm not). I've been on one semi-date in my whole life - which didn't go well as she misunderstood my intentions - and am still very much inexperienced in the ways of the woman! People tell me I'm just 'out of luck and haven't met the right person', but I know it's more than that, as I've met a couple of people who would be perfect for me and who I'd be very good for if they knew the 'real' me.
As for my interests, they used to be very narrow but have broadened somewhat over the past few years as I've become aware of the situation that I most likely face.
----------------------
But then there's the flip-side of the coin.
I have made friends from school (maybe 7/8 who I keep in touch with), uni (5/6), and workplaces (a few so far). And many of my closest friends are either now married, or in extremely stable relationships.
I've been a best man. I organised a stag do, spoke at a wedding in front of over 100 people and it went down very well
I ran a university society and started my own sports team, we travelled the country doing the British Uni championship, with me organising it. I organised events in uni for about 300 people over the years. I wrote student newspaper articles, and recruited the new people at the Freshers fair. They didn't seem too bothered about my eye contact.
I've been on holiday on my own and got to know people on the trip I was on.
I can look after myself and others in the home, manage domestics and stuff (I took up cooking two years ago).
------------------------------
In the right circumstances, I can interact in a normal way, absolutely. I can be confident in myself outwardly at times, as I've got a job in my field of study which is going pretty well.
But things just aren't working out for me socially and the times when I can be like that are far too rare. They don't happen naturally like they do for other people, who accelerate way past me in terms of friendships and bonds with others.
-----------------------------
As far as I'm concerned, I'm at the mild end of AS. A couple of people mentioned it to me separately five years ago and we agreed, but that I'm only just over the boundary of where it's noticeable and affects how I get on in life. Which is a tricky position to be in.
What do you guys reckon?
Cheers for reading, and sorry for the very long, self-indulgent post...
'Steve'