11-08-2006, 12:02 AM
Ok sorry if this turns into a long post on my first posting but after many years of tests and being sent to different parts of the NHS system it has gotten the the strange where I don`t know what I am. 5 years ago after seeing different doctors, I was sent to what I believe was a center for people with learning difficulties. After a long draining day of sitting in a small room being asked questions and doing varies tests I was told that I had Aspergers and then was left to deal with this on my own. After going back to my doctor to find out what to do next, my doctor had no recorded of this diagnosis and was told to forget about it. So for the past 5 years have wondered if I even have it or am I just wierd. Now the reason for me purseing this in the first place I will now explain and again, sorry for the long post.
Growing up was difficult beeing the youngest of 3 and always being on my own which was hard sharing a bedroom with an older brother. I was told that when I was concerntrating I used to make what can only be described as a moaning sound. Nowadays I tend to stick out my tongue which I wasn`t aware that I was doing until recently. Sameness as always been a problem. If my bedroom was changed around then I wouldn`t be able to sleep in it and would get very stressed and overwhelmed and still find that a problem and not just in the bedroom. I have trouble going away or on holiday as don`t like sleeping in a strange room. I remember asking my brother if I was dreaming as if things where different I would think it was a dream. Have always found it hard to entertain people in a social situtaion i.e having friends round as tend to go off and do my own thing and they are normally left sitting there on there own. Textures and fabrics have to be right aswell in all aspects of life i.e. clothing and things. The main one that always has been a problem is zips. I can manage zips on trousers and coats but if anywhere else it makes my skin crawl, for example I needed to buy some pillows and went to about 8 different shops because most of them had zips on them and I can`t even sit on a pillow if it has a zip on. Sounds are not a problem but can seem wierd to others as have a tendacy to listen to music and just repeat one part of the song over and over again in my head or even sing it out loud which I`ve found using and editing program can come in handy as just loop the part I want over and over again. The same with phrases from films or even people have said. I also tend to say things which aren`t meant and can sound offensive to others but not relized that I have said it until after. I obsess over certain things like collecting trading cards which same seem strange being 32 years old and also tend to get ingrossed in the computer which has been an ongoing thing from an early age as can remember many times watching my brother on his ZX81 trying to type in a program from a magazine and getting in wrong and I would just seemlessy reel off the program from memory which suprised him as I was 7 at the time and the program was 2 pages long. Now I spend mist of my time in the computer. I tend to go over the same things in conversations with people and then afterwards go over the conversation in my head again and again. I suffer from panic attacks if things are not in my control and tend to try plan things ahead to the last detail and if things get changed it can be on an attack. There are many things I could mention but then this post would turn into a novel. I did the Aspie test and my score was
Your Aspie score: 161 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 44 of 200.
So now I`m wondering if I`m just being obsessive over this or I do have it and not getting anywhere with the doctor.
Growing up was difficult beeing the youngest of 3 and always being on my own which was hard sharing a bedroom with an older brother. I was told that when I was concerntrating I used to make what can only be described as a moaning sound. Nowadays I tend to stick out my tongue which I wasn`t aware that I was doing until recently. Sameness as always been a problem. If my bedroom was changed around then I wouldn`t be able to sleep in it and would get very stressed and overwhelmed and still find that a problem and not just in the bedroom. I have trouble going away or on holiday as don`t like sleeping in a strange room. I remember asking my brother if I was dreaming as if things where different I would think it was a dream. Have always found it hard to entertain people in a social situtaion i.e having friends round as tend to go off and do my own thing and they are normally left sitting there on there own. Textures and fabrics have to be right aswell in all aspects of life i.e. clothing and things. The main one that always has been a problem is zips. I can manage zips on trousers and coats but if anywhere else it makes my skin crawl, for example I needed to buy some pillows and went to about 8 different shops because most of them had zips on them and I can`t even sit on a pillow if it has a zip on. Sounds are not a problem but can seem wierd to others as have a tendacy to listen to music and just repeat one part of the song over and over again in my head or even sing it out loud which I`ve found using and editing program can come in handy as just loop the part I want over and over again. The same with phrases from films or even people have said. I also tend to say things which aren`t meant and can sound offensive to others but not relized that I have said it until after. I obsess over certain things like collecting trading cards which same seem strange being 32 years old and also tend to get ingrossed in the computer which has been an ongoing thing from an early age as can remember many times watching my brother on his ZX81 trying to type in a program from a magazine and getting in wrong and I would just seemlessy reel off the program from memory which suprised him as I was 7 at the time and the program was 2 pages long. Now I spend mist of my time in the computer. I tend to go over the same things in conversations with people and then afterwards go over the conversation in my head again and again. I suffer from panic attacks if things are not in my control and tend to try plan things ahead to the last detail and if things get changed it can be on an attack. There are many things I could mention but then this post would turn into a novel. I did the Aspie test and my score was
Your Aspie score: 161 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 44 of 200.
So now I`m wondering if I`m just being obsessive over this or I do have it and not getting anywhere with the doctor.