i love my kids with all my heart and i may be on spectrum i am getting checked this thurs. My daughter has autism and she almost 3 and she's very content it's hard to find things for reinforcement cause if i ask her to ask me for things (since she cant talk) she goes onto something else. We finally found a good agency, the other one we had wasnt good at all and the therapists didnt help my daughter.
My son almost 2 is getting checked the end of Nov and i just cant wait already, he follows me around all day screaming his lungs out about everything, he has to be a part of everything which is good but not in appropriate ways, he gives me no breathing room and he's never content. he shakes, spins things walks around table staring at parts of table, he zones out, if i put him in room for having a meltdown he just falls asleep and wants to sleep everywhere we go. he gets lots of sleep and yet he sleeps sitting up in the cart at the store, if i try to entertain him in living room he just falls asleep. I cant stand the screaming all day i feel he has lots of toys and food and drink and yet he still demands, demands, demands.... if he cant get his way he does something i have told him no about...i have stress myself and symptoms of either autism or aspergers and have no escape from this. family isnt very good with kids and they dont care about them too much so i have no help there and hubby works all the time. I just want my son diagnosed so someone could finally help me. he is jackle & hyde all the time and for therapists he eats and for me he starves if i offer same thing therapists give him. He bends his legs for some therapist acts like he cant walk and walks for others. it's hard holding it all together and helping my kids when one is content being by herself and my son is screaming. he provokes my daughter so much until she get's angry with him. i just need someone to help me i wish someone could just give me a break.
I think the toddler and preschool years are difficult with or without special needs thrown in. I hope you can find a life line to help you see your way through the maze you are experiencing right now.
Meanwhile, if you can, stop, take several deep breaths, and make the choice to not get as much done. As in laundry, chores, meals ... start by simplyfying things. What I discovered was that my children didn't need for me to do for them; they needed me to be with them.
Modern life spins out of control so fast, it's all about stuff it seems at times, and the truth is, it overwhelms children on the spectrum. See if you can slow down and in the process observe your children more. Especially your son. There are usually triggers that aggrevate the negative behaviors. If you can find the triggers and mitigate them, the behavior will improve.
I still remember all the frantic phone calls I was making when my son was 3, trying to find a more suitable preschool for him. One school spent an hour with me on the phone, even though they had no available spaces. But the director gave me some of the most important advice I've received: remember that just because a child is drawn to something, does not mean they can handle it. I started paying attention, and soon discovered so many things that we were doing because my son seemed to love them were actually leading to melt downs. So, I made changes. And they worked.
Most children on the spectrum seem to thrive when there is consistency in their lives, and relatively orderly and simple surroundings.
And give yourself a break. You can't be the mom you want to be unless you take care of yourself first.
Best of luck to you.
Debbie
I'm an aspie with a son who is pdd-nos. Most ASD kids don't play with toys and have limited imaginative play ability so they get bored very easily. They rely on videogames/television, things we often discourage our NTs from engaging in too much. But ASD kids seem to need them. The kids also often can't tolerate the stimulation of shopping. Sleeping may be a way to escape. The noise, the flurescent lights (these drive ME nuts), the crowd...it's not good for an ASD child. I can't handle them myself at times, being an aspie who had no interventions. I used to have severe panic attacks and freak out and leave stores as an adult! I take meds now and I can shop.
Parenting as ASD child is better if you learn about the differences in the ways these child think. That explains much of the behavior. My son threw huge tantrums until he learned to talk. He was frustrated. He'd bang his head. He liked to sleep OUT of his crib, on the floor, and rock himself to sleep. We'd find hm on the rug in his room. That was ok with us. He was getting his sleep. The rocking was a stim and soothed him. He also liked to swaddle himself with clothes and blankets. That feeling of pressure is nice for an ASD kid. I used to ask my siblings to sit on me. I liked the pressure. My son does too. Read, educate yourself, learn...you'll be much better off and be more successful. Also make sure your kids get the best interventions at the youngest ages. That helps tons. Good luck!
He probably knows he can get away with acting up with you as you're so tired and overwhelmed. (I don't mean so much consciously but unconsciously he must think you are easy to control with tantrums).
It is also because of the age he is.
I suppose ignoring the tantrum would only make it worse. A woman I know stopped tantrums by throwing a glass of cold water over her son as it shocked him out of his state. Unfortunately, if he is Aspie, ignoring actually makes the tantrums worse.
He's certainly got to learn he can't have drinks or whatever immediately; that you've got other things to do than to cater to his every whim but again, it is the age of the terrible twos and it will take time for him to reach the maturity needed to see things more reasonably.
yes i agree with you, i think with age it will get better but we are just getting him checked out anyway so just incase.
Some of the stuff sounds as if he has some autistic symptoms.
If he won't stop yelling, could he be put in a room for time-out for a while?
i love my kids with all my heart and i may be on spectrum i am getting checked this thurs. My daughter has autism and she almost 3 and she's very content it's hard to find things for reinforcement cause if i ask her to ask me for things (since she cant talk) she goes onto something else. We finally found a good agency, the other one we had wasnt good at all and the therapists didnt help my daughter.
My son almost 2 is getting checked the end of Nov and i just cant wait already, he follows me around all day screaming his lungs out about everything, he has to be a part of everything which is good but not in appropriate ways, he gives me no breathing room and he's never content. he shakes, spins things walks around table staring at parts of table, he zones out, if i put him in room for having a meltdown he just falls asleep and wants to sleep everywhere we go. he gets lots of sleep and yet he sleeps sitting up in the cart at the store, if i try to entertain him in living room he just falls asleep. I cant stand the screaming all day i feel he has lots of toys and food and drink and yet he still demands, demands, demands.... if he cant get his way he does something i have told him no about...i have stress myself and symptoms of either autism or aspergers and have no escape from this. family isnt very good with kids and they dont care about them too much so i have no help there and hubby works all the time. I just want my son diagnosed so someone could finally help me. he is jackle & hyde all the time and for therapists he eats and for me he starves if i offer same thing therapists give him. He bends his legs for some therapist acts like he cant walk and walks for others. it's hard holding it all together and helping my kids when one is content being by herself and my son is screaming. he provokes my daughter so much until she get's angry with him. i just need someone to help me i wish someone could just give me a break.
i feel for you, you can't just ignore the tantrums, try to be as consistant as possible, set up routines and STICK to it! It may take a while but well worth it in the end. Demand that your husband help, who cares if he "works" so do you.
Don't be so hard on yourself( easier said than done I know) things will get better, try seeking help from local agencies for respite, do something for yourself even if it is just a 1/2 hour nap while they are gone.
try videoing your days and the therapist can check it out and may offer some suggestions. Is there a special needs day care that can accomadate your children?
Your kids are close in age as are mine, take care not to get pregnant again anytime soon.
Seek out support groups in your area.
i will keep you in my thouights and prayers.
Momoftwo, if it is possible for your husband to get a job where he doesn't work such long hours, he should. It isn't fair for you to be stuck with the kids at home all the time and I agree with Julia's advice to take care not to get pregnant again for a long time.
It takes two to make kids so I think there has got to be some kind of compromise where he can be home more to help out. Even if it means less money coming in and some of the therapy has to be cut out (or something else), it would be worth it. Your boy could be acting up because he misses his dad's influence and his dad needs to know this.
It's just not a fair situation on anybody. I don't know if there is any way your husband could cut his work hours (I know bosses can be unreasonable) or if he could try for a different job but this is way important!
If he realised how ill you are and how hard it is getting, surely something could be done? I wonder if there are any relatives who could take the young fellow off your hands for a while so you can rest? Or maybe even a young unemployed person might like to pick up a few extra dollars babysitting and taking him out to the park or something? (Assuming they are trustworthy)
Hoping something in this might help in some way to solve at least part of this whole dilemma.
thanks everyone, well my son has lots of stims and screaming and time out in his room means acting out more when he comes out. he stares at spinning things, he will only eat for the therapist and not for me he even eats with his fork in front of me at therapy then at home acts like he cant eat. he will let himself starve if i dont give in or if i tell him no about something he has done wrong he just wont eat even his favorite food. he has always been a screamer since a baby, annoyed by noises or terrified rather, which went away at a year old. he circles the table repeatly and very active. he screams and demands things right away and nothing is good enough no matter how much you give him. he is jackle and hyde he plays the part with family or when we are out. he makes the same sound with his voice all the time but no words, he lost dada a long time ago and havent heard momma much in the last week and a half actually. he doesnt point or gesture in any way except flapping and shaking. he shakes while looking at water or things dropping like if i drop food on his tray. there are others i am just so tired to type my hubby may be on the specturm as well and has attention problems i think and sensory issues etc. my family doesnt care or understand about my daughter with autism and my daughter senses it and screams when she goes down there. my in laws called children services on us cause they thought they didnt see the kids much and thought they had "rights" to my kids. so anyway yeah i may be on spectrum myself and my life is just the way it is, i just learn to deal the best way i can for my kids.
Wow... Yeah, that does sound difficult. I know that my own mom was stressed when I was a toddler; and I'm just an Aspie. (The following is from a kid's perspective, not a parent's; thus, it must be taken with a grain of salt.)
Being an Aspie (though I've never been a parent), I know what it's like to be stressed out--because the whole world stresses me out. And I know that to be effective at anything (most likely including parenting), you have to keep your stress level low.
Is there anyone who can help you get some time out? I know that autistic youngsters aren't exactly the sort of kids you'd ask a thirteen-year-old babysitter to take care of; but is there an arrangement you can make with a relative? Look further than just parents... maybe an aunt or cousin? In any case, day care for special needs kids does exist; and one day a week might be wonderful for you, and indirectly wonderful for them because you'll be less stressed.
I think some time out from parenting would really do you good--whether you go out for a walk, do what YOU want to do, or just take a good long nap. Kids are best off and easiest managed when their parents are calm, predictable, and as little stressed as possible; and Spectrum kids are no different. Actually, Spectrum kids just plain crave predictability; and that's really hard to do if you're stressed.
It does get better, though. I'm not very empathetic; but I do know my mother and her moods; and I know that she became more relaxed as I grew up and learned to control my emotions, to communicate more effectively, and to entertain myself at night (I have never slept through the night, to this day--if your little ones are insomniacs, my mother would deeply sympathize with you, no doubt).
Speaking of Aspie mothers, my mom, though she doesn't agree with me, is likely either Aspie or NT with Aspie traits... She's introverted, has special interests, and thinks very concretely. Parenting is hard for NTs; but for an Aspie, the problems are completely different...
By the way: I'm not sure how demonstrative your children are of their affection for you; but know that they do feel it. When communication is impaired, communication of love can be impaired to... But they have known you all their lives; and lack of communication does not mean lack of feeling. Trust me, and remember--they love you. You're their mom.
Mumoftwo, where are you from? What country, state?
thanks so much for responses, and i love my kiddos too and i admit i do need a break. i am from pennsylvania USA.
Hello fellow Mom!
A few thoughts from a mom who also has a child on the spectrum. I had twins, and thought I was going to go nuts when they were little.
Read Valerie Paradiz's excellent book ELIJAH'S CUP. Your library either has it or can get it for you. It's good to read about other mothers, what it was like for them, and how they coped. This book is one of my favorites.
Things will get better. They will! I promise you! I never thought things would get better, but they did!
Make sure you "grab" some free time for yourself. The minute your husband walks in the door, tell him you need to get milk and go to the store for a while. Take your time and read all the magazines. Get a cup of coffee. You deserve this.
Consider anti-depressants to help you cope with all this stress. I started taking them a few years ago and cannot believe the difference they make. I can handle the stress so much better now! I don't feel zonked out or weird, I just feel like the old me.
When the kids are napping, don't fold laundry or sweep floors. This is your time. Grab a cup of coffee, read a magazine, relax, do something you purely enjoy. Get to the laundry later!
Find another mom who has kids like yours. Hang out together when you can. When you share stories you might be able to smile or even laugh. I think that helps so much!
Continue to love your kids and give them your very best. But remember that you are only mortal and you can only control some things. You cannot control all things. Think of a box. You can control all the things in the box, but you cannot control the things that are not in the box. You can give your kid healthier food, but you cannot make him eat it.
Rent comedies and watch them on tv when the kids are in bed. Laughing helps.
Educate yourself as much as you can. Read as much as you can on autism. The more you know, the less there is to fear. The more there is to delight in and celebrate.
Hang in there! Your children will continue to amaze you with their progress and remarkable achievements! They will open your eyes to new things and teach you a lot about yourself, the value of patience, and the value of kindness. I truly believe I am a MUCH better person because of the son I have been given to raise.
If truth was a tree then the post ^ is a forrest!!!