Aspies For Freedom

All the NTs I know seem to display aspie traits when it comes to talking to me, but with each other seem fine.

They talk on and on about their interests for ages in a monotonous voice and if I ever try to change the subject they continue talking like I said nothing. They talk about people and things I don't even know but they expect me to know them. They don't seem to be able to tell if I am bored or not, even if I make it really obvious. (i.e. walking away, they just follow and continue)

Interesting.  I'm not sure what to make of that.  Your observation is probably correct, so I'm wondering WHY they seem to think you are the appropriate target for the monologue.  Some kind of mixed up signal, probably, but what?

Hmmm ... do you SAY anything, or just try to make your actions speak for you?  One sure why to cut off a monologue is simply to start talking yourself the first second the person has to take a breath.  And in a way that makes it clear you consider it to be your turn.  Maybe NT's read less body language than you think.

Thanks for the advice, but unfortunatly I can never think of anything to say when I get the chance that distracts them from the monologue for too long they usually just ignore my witty comment and then continue.

To be honest I don't think they care what I think, they have to tell somebody something and their going to do it whether they like it or not. I've tried groaning really loud and telling them straight to shut up and that they are boring me but to no avail.

As for why they target me I have no idea. I don't think its revenge for past monologues I had given them. I've tried to stop them since I was little because my mum said I was the most boring person she had ever met, and all my friends told me to shut up because I was boring them or so they could continue their own monologues. But to be fair they can last up to half an hour if uninteruppted.

Maybe I just look approachable or maybe because I don't say much they think I won't mind listening.

Whenever I talk to any kind of professional they seem to keep on talking and repeating the same points over and over. When they ask me "Was there anything else you wanted to ask me about?" I respond "no, you've answered all my questions. Bye for now". They then repeat themselves all over again. Solicitors and doctors tend to be the worst for this.

Maybe us NT's can't stand silence.  So we make sure we fill it.

And, yes, there have been times I've needed to talk so badly, because there is something I'm thinking that I can't hold in, that I've just forced it on someone.  I make sure it's family, however.  Usually.

Bob, my son has gotten the same feedback from friends that you used to get.  You know, that really isn't fair, is it?  The Aspie has to learn to hold back in order to be socially accepted, while the NT's get away with it when they want to.

There are alot more NTs than us, so its their world and we have to fit into it.

Just make sure that your son doesn't have the complete opposite reaction to talking about his interests. I got negative reactions when talking about my interests, so I stopped doing it. No-one had a problem with it when I stopped talking about them so I thought it was the right thing to do. But now I can't talk about them even if I wanted to, mainly due to low confidence and complete lack of practise.

What a shame.  I try to find a way to listen.  OK, well, maybe I don't listen, but I try to let him talk and talk and talk.  So there is someone he can be expressive to.

There is a difference in the types of things he will monologue about, v. I will monologue about.  He gets excited to share details of stories or games he has made up, or facts he has just learned.  I tend to monologue about things that I have an emotional need to express, to get off my chest so-to-speak, like something that has upset me that day.  I think it's easier for NT's to understand why someone wants to talk on and on when it's about something emotional, but they don't understand why someone would want to share a story they've made up when the audience has grown tired of it.  Except, that for my son, the fantasy stuff IS his emotional release, isn't it?  Maybe that's what NT's don't get.  They think it's superfluous stuff being rambled on about, so patience isn't necessary.  When, it fact, it is far from superfluous to YOU.  Do you think that might be true?

I believe so. Whenever I monologued what ever I talked about was of great enough importance to me for me to talk about it and it made me happy to talk about it. I was excited and I expected the listener to be excited too, and it made me feel bad when I realised they didn't.

I think the monologues were an extention of my emotions, a way to express them. So being told that I was being boring would probably be the same as somebody telling you that they don't care when you emotionally vent.

Yes, I think so too and being told I was boring made me feel that nothing I had to say was very important so for years I hardly spoke unless spoken to first.

You know, all, I think I need to work harder at actually listening to my son's monologues.  I think I should also talk to him more about why his friends may not listen, but that the reason may show a lack of understanding more than a judgement of what he wants to say.  Hmmm ... I wish I knew how to help him get around this difference long term.  But, he is really very bright, so it might help him to simply understand the difference better.  He loves to think up his own solutions.  OK, they are rarely practical, but you can't get to a great idea unless you are willing to think creatively in the first place.  Which he is.  One of the many things I totally adore about him.

Well you know how NTs have different terms for their simlar behaviours, to Aspies. As in Aspies will be told they're giving a monologue, but a NT would say it's gossip. I think that's one of those double-standards.

It's also hypocritical, that a NT goes on about something nobody's interested in and that's not considered something that needs to be corrected, but it is considered something to be corrected in a Aspie.

It's because people are so blinded by "disorder" labels that this is what happens.

NT talks too much: Oh, he's just really talkative today. Just let him talk. He'll stop eventually.

Aspergian talks too much: Oh my god! The monologue symptom got worse! We must stop it! D:<

This isn't really true.  People were rolling their eyes at my son long before he was diagnosed.  In fact, "pragmatic language" issues, ie the inability to speak succintly, was one of the factors used to get the school to evaluate him.

The problems arise when (a) you can NEVER summarize into a sentence or two, (b) the things you talk on and on about don't make sense to the intended listener, or © you actually start to test your subject on how well they listened.  All of the above were true for my son.  A simple answer  was impossible to get, even to a basic question like, "did you brush your teeth?," his stories were so filled with complex detail they were extremely difficult to follow, and you couldn't just pretend to listen like I habitually do with long winded NT's because he would try to test you on what he told you, and get upset if you got it wrong!

End point, there are reasons that NT's have difficulties with typical Aspie monologues, but not with other NT's monologues.   That doesn't make it any less unfair, long run, for those of you that end up having to play by someone else's rules, but understanding the differences will help you know how to pick and choose your battles on it.

Some people just talk and talk and talk normally but I think we can have more of a tendency to do it.