Hope someone can help me,
I live with my 4 sons, eldest son is 20 has aspergers syndrome,18 yr old going to art college,12 yr old and my 15 yr old son Sam has autism
and in the last few months [Sam] has become very aggressive towards me and anyone else who may get in his path during an outburst, I am now terrified in my own home unless my 18 yr old son is here as he can get in between Sam and I if he is upset, (Sam will run at me if I am around him at all)
the special school he goes to are trying to help,
the behavoural therapist is constantly in touch,
he is on a small dose of risperdal since he was 9 and it was increased over the years due to his size and his tolerance level going down,
in the last couple of years I have taken him off sugar and dairy products(he is on a lot of supplements) (gluten will be next)
and his meds have been reduced very [much], they have now been slightly increased to see if this helps with his outbursts, but so far I don't see any improvement and personally I wish he was off all medication.
I am truely at a loss on this one,
he soils during masterbation,that I can manage, but these outbursts are out of control,
I love my son and I don't want him to live away from his home( there are no appropiate residential places anyway)
trying to figure this out is like doing a jigsaw blindfolded!
bottom line, yes he is hormonal, but he had outbursts like this when he was little (hence being put on risperdal)he never lashed out at others but I am sure he did damage himself throwing himself at walls etc..
it all seems so hopeless and I sit and pray he will just grow out of this but he will be a teen for a few yrs yet!
has anyone else had a similar experience, I would love to hear I am not alone and this too shall pass!!
Thank you for your reply, Sam has had some changes and we are logging his every move to find out what may be sparking off his outbursts, no massive changes happening, but having said that as we all know it could be something subtle that I have yet to work out.
Sam has been off sugar for nearly two years now and I feel it is doing him good, he accepts this (sometimes reluctantly!) and I compensate with a lot of other healthier alternatives, which he really does enjoy. If I started giving him sugar again, he would never tolerate a small amount, he would want lots!. The sugar and dairy free diet has helped him to be a bit clearer, his speech is limited but he has more speech now then before.
In school his actions are also being logged, he is in a special school for autistic kids and his teacher is the same lady for the last three yrs.
His dad doesn't live with us and hasn't done for many years now, and he does get anxious about when his dad is coming to bring him out etc.... having said all that he can have an outburst when all is calm in the house, and he knows whats happening ( again it's all so subtle it's becoming more difficult to work out)
The biggest problem is how this is all affecting Sam and his brothers, safety is also an issue, the fear I feel when he starts banging is something I find hard to explain ( I do often feel like throwing up as in the recent past he has hurt me).
If he runs out of the house I can't stop him, when he is in the middle of screaming and banging I am worried he may hit out at a person that he might encounter during the outburst...
I am feeling ill just writing this because I want to protect him and I feel as if can't, I want to protect the others( his younger brother mainly) and myself because if anything happens to me, who will mind Sam?
I'm so sorry to go on, but my family are in crisis and the team at his school are trying to help but it all feels like the mouse on the wheel, frantic and getting nowhere..
On a much nicer note, 90% of the time Sam is a wonderful loving boy, I totally enjoy his company and love his hugs and kisses.
Is there anyone out there with a similar experience? I would love to hear from you or anyone with teens with autism,
Thanks for reading my post, Mollie x
Thank you all so much for your imput on our situation here.
Sam's diet has been the same for the last two years and i do try my best to compensate for the lack of sugary foods with other stuff, as for soya products, he hates the milk but is allowed goat yogurt and similar products, he has a lot of supplements to make sure he is absorbing nutrients and vitamins
He is not constipated as soiling is something he does most mornings, I encourage him into the shower but I don't get cross with him about it.. ( I may sometimes feel very cross!)
I have just recieved a call from his respite house (he gets one or two nights a week there) he is being x rayed today because they think he may have a fracture in or around his elbow..
last night he was having a lovely evening, had his bath, got a foot and hand massage, quiet house, he was in great form etc.. and then, out of no where he flipped, took a door off it's hinges,he must have walloped his elbow against the door or a wall... I am a bit upset now so will write back later.
Hi everyone...
Just to let you know he is ok, although he ran out of the hospital when he was brought for an x ray (for his elbow), a dr did check him out and he will need x rays soon but will have to be sedated,the flip outs are a bit more frequent and I'm more upset I know he senses this and I think this is possibly agitating him more.
All just dreadful... his team at school want to medicate him more and at this point and I am giving in ( I usually battle about meds, as I hate the fact he is even on risperdal) so now he is being given chlorpromazine to calm him,
I can't argue about this because I have to do whats best for him( so he won't injure himself) for now and whats best for all of us living with him, omg he is such a beautiful boy it breaks my heart all thats happening, but I am feeling so worn out by it all I am losing my energy and feeling very alone and isolated.
Thank you all for your input, it really helps
x
We had our 10-yr old autistic daughter tested for food allergies........we discovered that she was allergic to many many many foods....and some highly allergic (the allergy testing results tell you to what degree they are allergic to something----none, low, moderate, or highly allergic).
We have had to eliminate all dairy products and substitute soy and other similar products in place. We eliminated all gluten, wheat and other common items. It is difficult & requires much more time planning & preparing meals. Never the less, since we have improved the diet her violent and aggressive behavior have just about disappeared
A few weeks ago we splurged and had pizza on a Friday, Saturday, and Sunday......wow, did we ever pay the consequences!.....our daughter went ballistic for about four or five days......back to her same ole ways. We had to lock her in her room quite frequently.
Anyway, the food allergy testing and diet modification has seemed to help. We are now giving her special supplements based upon what the testing told us she needed in her diet. Her behaviors have improved substantially.
i wish you the best.
I do not know- but would be interested to know- how differently autistic children and 'normal' children develop differently in real life. As I read these posts I can think back to when I was 15 and remember I was essentially a man, not a child, so the idea my mother new so much about my bowel movement or my sexual needs would have filled me with horror. Of course it wasn't ever an issue for me. Maybe the aggression comes from too much focus on thing like diet, behaviour, ect. that may be embarassing and need to become more personal to him. Maybe the monitoring needs to be more descret. I don't know. This mother sounds very distressed.
I thought there was too much emphasis on diet for this boy. He should be able to have more normal foods like the other kids (unless he has a lot of allergies or food intolerances that have been medically proven).
His mum must know about bowel movements because it seems that she was saying that her boy still poos his pants every day. She says she feels cross (as many parents would) but hides it: I think this boy would still pick up on her real feelings and this would resonate with him.
He seems very big to still be having accidents but I don't know how high-functioning he is.
I thought there was too much emphasis on diet for this boy. He should be able to have more normal foods like the other kids (unless he has a lot of allergies or food intolerances that have been medically proven).
His mum must know about bowel movements because it seems that she was saying that her boy still poos his pants every day. She says she feels cross (as many parents would) but hides it: I think this boy would still pick up on her real feelings and this would resonate with him.
He seems very big to still be having accidents but I don't know how high-functioning he is.
wouldn't someone with autism not pick up on the ques that reveal her true feelings. And soiling yourself is never fun...
I agree there is way too much emphasis on diet for him.
People tend to drive like idiots when they're mad
I agree it depends on how high functioning he is.
I get the impression that he's not really high functioning and not really low functioning.
Hi everyone...
Just to let you know he is ok, although he ran out of the hospital when he was brought for an x ray (for his elbow), a dr did check him out and he will need x rays soon but will have to be sedated,the flip outs are a bit more frequent and I'm more upset I know he senses this and I think this is possibly agitating him more.
All just dreadful... his team at school want to medicate him more and at this point and I am giving in ( I usually battle about meds, as I hate the fact he is even on risperdal) so now he is being given chlorpromazine to calm him,
I can't argue about this because I have to do whats best for him( so he won't injure himself) for now and whats best for all of us living with him, omg he is such a beautiful boy it breaks my heart all thats happening, but I am feeling so worn out by it all I am losing my energy and feeling very alone and isolated.
Thank you all for your input, it really helps
x
Dear Mollie, hello. So sorry to know what you and your children are going through. When my son starts tantrums, I just feel that if I do not react emotionally, and try to keep myself distant from him, he calms down faster, than if I become responsive. During hard moments I just try to separate myself from him, because I know it's better for both of us. Last year he started to scream. We would walk down the street and suddenly he would make a loud, short scream. Every day, things went worse to worse. One day I laughed at him, and said Whatever you do, you won't make me upset. I said it without any anger, just as if he was a newborn crying. This approach helped us.
From our limited experience, I would suggest the following:
During an outburst, it's important to not let him run away.
Is it possible for you to arrange a small place (closet) with soft walls in home? Everytime as there is an outburst, catch Sam's hand and gently, but frimly lead him to that place? Is it acceptable for you? It is not a punishment, just say, that Sam has a moment and needs some safe and alone place. Try to stay calm and practical, as if you were a doctor dealing with a patient. He doesn't need to be alone biting himself in that room, someone strong enough, who won't be affraid to approach him, could go in and try to soothe him, suggest a drink, just tell him everything's fine, he is upset, and it's all right.
I wouldn't like to make you feel bad, giving an advice like this. I just think about his and your safety, and how this could be delt with practically without drugs.
May I ask you a question about how do the brothers treat him? Do they treat him as a teenaged boy, or as a disabled someone? Does he have any shores and tasks at home? I am not in position to give an advice here, but how is the whole environment in family?
Another thing is how far does Sam goes in his attempts to hurt others? Is it just hitting, pushing (which may come from sensory/emothonal? overload - correct me please if I'm wrong), or some planned actions, like using some things to hurt you?
I think if it's the first, you still can use a chance to avoid medication and use behavioral methods.
I would think this boy is indeed likely to be embarrassed that his mum knows he plays with himself. If he can do that, surely he can get himself off to the toilet by himself. But sometimes kids soil themselves because they are distressed about something.
If possible, it would be a good idea to take him to the doctor and find out if there is a physical cause for the soiling (if it has only started recently or is getting worse).
It would also be a good idea to ease up on the restrictive diet unless there is clear medical evidence that the boy has allergies and/or food intolerances.
I think she needs to be taken to the doctor's asap. This isn't normal behaviour.
Depending on how high functioning this lad is, he probably should clean up his own undies.
Alectrum, I can sympathise as this would be such a miserable condition to have. Have you ever been checked out for IBS or Crohn's disease or even gluten intolerance as constant diarrhoea is often caused by such conditions.
Maybe Mollie meant her son was starching his sheets and I got the wrong idea that she meant he was pooping his pants instead.