Aspies For Freedom

Ignoring a bully doesnt work... I REPEAT IGNORING A BULLY DOESNT WORK... tried and FAILED MISERABLy.

I feel bad because since i was too stupid and nice to stand up for myself NO BODY stood up for me. Not even my own parents. And the teacher who let this happened died, he died without hearing me yell at him for what that kid did to me. I have un-finished business with him.

I also had this sweet dream I beat this kid up, it was one of my better dreams. But I realized if I ever had to stand up for my self it's always going to be physical force, standing up for myself verbally didnt work... I REPEAT DIDNT work, so i used threats, I slapped people in the face. I didnt feel bad about it because I already hated myself before that, it was mere survival, if the abuse lasted much longer i would never be here, at the time those pills looked sooooooo good, but i chicked out and threw them up.

When i was in sixth grade, people made fun of me mainly because I prefer cats over dogs. the area seemed to be full of competitive athletic dog lovers. Many people said things like "My dog ate your cat for dinner last night,"Cats are fat, lazy and useless like you," and many MANY more. All I wanted to do was phisically hurt everybody! Why the f99 would people taunt someone just because she likes cats? It was almost impossible for me to ignore such comments. 11-12 year olds are so fickle and rude!!
Yet later, many people apologized the next year, and I do feel bad for having murderous attitudes torward them. But they still thought I was aloof and either too shy or too friendly.

Sounds a bit like my story.

I try to ignore bullies, but that only stresses my weirdness and makes me look more "quiet",  so I got bullied more. Teachers and counselors are definitely NOT properly educated about how bullying works.

I tried verbal defense. It wasn't the "Please don't say that. It hurts my feelings." kind. Definitely not. That only gets you called a wimp and more bullying.  And that's what teachers and counselors tell you do to in elementary. O: I spoke just as rudely as they did, but with more intelligence. Instead of "I hope you slip on a pile of sh*t and die", the insults were more crafty. It didn't work out as well as I expected it to.

I actually use physical defense often. I have awful aim when it come to landing kicks, but it's the easiest way to scare bullies.

So here's my approach: make them fear you enough that they'll stop bothering you because they don't want ot get their a** kicked.

(Censorship is annoying.)

You know what really bothers me is that kid's parents let them bully an be mean to people like is part of normal development. It drives me crazy! Sometimes I wish the paddle would be brought back.

I would have to second that ignoring does NOT work, at least in my experience.

In elementry school I was bullied quite a bit, and, of course, everyone thought that I was the problem. So, I eventually got punished every time I stood up for myself, and never saw anyone else get punished. Now, I find it very difficult to stand up for myself in any situation, especially because I'm unable to speak when I'm confused, frustrated, or angry.

now, having read a post on a completely unrelated forum on how to deferr threats of violence by violently humiliating someone (hit them while they're threatening you, no hesitation. continue to beat them while they're shocked. Hope they run away, or get laughed at. If they don't run away, don't give them time to react), and feel that I really should have done that years ago. Of course, it was still a "no- bullying policy, there isn't any bullying going on here" school, so I'd get the blame for the whole thing, but it would at least scare the bullies a bit, and force them to move on to a target who didn't fight back...

I'd have to say that if you react in a way that makes it not worth it for the bullies, they'd move on. making immediate, aversive reinforcement is a rather effective way of doing this.

I have a bit of a reputation for going a bit crazy in a fight, it takes alot to get me riled up enough to fight but when I did I would destroy my opponent to the point of someone having to drag me away before I seriously injured him. I would never fight back in school because it was against the rules, and I think the bullies knew that so they would get me when I was in school, it didn't bother me too much because I kept telling myself I could easily kill them if I wanted to.

I never felt bad for what I did, until some little kid started throwing stones at me and verbally abusing me so I beat him up only to feel really bad whilst I was doing it, so I stopped said sorry and walked away. (I was twelve at the time he was seven or something I don't hit little kids now)

I was a tall kid, back in the day, at school so I did not get picked on much.  I remember a kid started going at me verbally so I kicked him in a portion of the anatomy which is very sensitive  :shock:  He tried to chase me around the schoolyard, but could not run very well- can't imagine why  :wink: .  No more annoyance from that kid.

Fast forward twenty years.  Was part-owner of a small shop and found some slimy drunk using the lot behind the shop as a toilet.  Asked him politely to leave and he responded with rude language rather than leaving.   Mistake.  I knocked him down and heard his head make a loud PLOCK on the pavement as I walked away.  I did not look back.  

How did I feel about my physical response to these verbal abuse incidents?  Generally, good.  A little bit of a physical "rush" and feeling good about myself for not hesitating and handling the problem.   People can say airhead crap like "If we all held hands, no-one could make a fist", which is a nice thought, but unrealistic.   I feel for people in schools now- the bullying is worse.  

On a lighter note, there may also be geeky ways to make life a misery for a rude person or a bully.   I resolved problems of neighbors with noisy TVs/radios by designing jamming devices (check the laws in your area).

Meiloyn, the schools wouldn't do that..do you know the piles of lawsuits they'd have? I once kicked a boy in the privates, because the other day he stole my sister's school ID when we were in high school, and wouldn't give it back. So I already was pretty :evil: about that.

He was stealing my mini-backpack, where I kept my feminine items in in. So I told him either he gives it back or I'll kick him in the balls. He didn't belive me, so I did kick him in the balls. Then the teacher, who saw this happening and didn't come over only until things reached that point. Guilt tripped me, and forced me to show him what was in my purse. When he saw my pads, he said "Oh so you wear diapers". Then I looked at the teacher like, "Are you happy now! Is this what you wanted, to see me humilated! Traitor!" Like she was a traitor to her own gender.

There was a girl there, who I never told her this, but I thought of as being alot like Peppermint Patty because she was so tomboyish. She nearly died laughing when I kicked the guy who was taunting me in the privates. So at least something positive came out of that. I wouldn't advocate doing this at all, but this was one of those boys the school let run around acting like a hellion because they didn't want to deal with him. I wasn't about to let him get away with victimizing me.

Girls generally tried to kick me in the balls in high school. In fact it happened almost everytime I talked to them.

I have no idea why, I never saw anything wrong with my actions beforehand, and I was always left confused afterwards.

Luckily for me I had quick enough reactions to move out of the way but that just resulted in infuriating them more and then came the scratching.

Yeah, ditto. Of course they got off scot-free and well, I was 'punished'. It was supposed to be a sanction - remove but honestly, its ten times better than normal lessons. Normal lessons were  a punishment. Remove was good.

Rossco, don't worry I don't think your observation is sexist at all because female to female bullying is often insidious and subtle (except to its victims of course).

Female bullying often takes the form of ostracism, gossip, raised eyebrows and similar, and unless you're very experienced at seeing the signs, it is too easy for these bullies to plead complete innocence of their wrong doing.

They also form alliances against their victims and if reported, they persaude those in charge that they in fact are being bullied and mistreated and that it is all in the victim's mind anyway. They isolate people so that they think they are the only one having trouble.

I know from personal experience and am currently having some issues with a couple of women who I work with. Too bad they couldn't be separated into different work teams. Some management people are now getting complaints about their behaviour so I hope some constructive action will finally be taken to resolve the situation.

It is too easy for these people to say they are "doing nothing" when in fact they know very well what they are doing.  :mad:

I heard that sexist crud too. I think I told one of the teachers/deans who told me that, something like, "So is it ladylike to sit, and giggle at the abuse being inflicted on me? How's this, "OW! tee-hee hee, don't hit me there, tee-hee hee, stop raping me! tee-hee. Is that ladylike enough for you, being completely at the bully's mercy? A pretty little plaything for sadist?"

Violet Yoshi, part of it was that I wanted to join in the boy's games because they seemed interesting. If rudely told to "go away" I would stand my ground and get knocked over. The teacher said it was my fault and I should "just play with the dolls in the girls' corner".

I didn't like playing "mothers and babies" but liked lining up dolls and giving them weird hairstyles. Blocks and toy cars were my favourites though. I also got into trouble for undressing the dolls and asking why they didn't have any "rude bits" because my baby brothers did.

Anyway, I don't know if this kind of sexism still prevails but I would hope not. Being "ladylike" and "docile" is a sure way of being targeted by bullies and I would have felt a lot more empowered had I been able to wallop the bullies or at least outsmart them.

I am a female, that sounds fine to me. I've had bullying directed at me from both sexes. Seen a fellow aspie (that happens to be male) have bullying directed at him from both sexes. I've passed footballs back (showing off a little. Knee-foot thing and stuff like that. Don't know the correct terminology.), fought back. Come back with some smart-*** comments. ((I've got a T-shirt with 'Girls do it better' and intend to wear it next non-uni day.)) I don't care about the social acceptance. Mainly because there isn't any there. Its not sorted, for me, but I don't care. If they're going to fight me, fine, they've just got to accept that I will fight back.
As the spanish would say, 'Broad beans are cooked everywhere'
That is the equivalent of 'Its the same the world over'
I mean, if you bait a dog, it will bite you.

Do I feel guilty? Hell no. If school isn't going to deal with the crime, and would rather implement bogus-solutions or pansy words then of course, I'm going to try to take matters into my own hands. I don't care whether I have the build or not. What I do know is that its the principle that counts for me. I'm sorry but if the goverment is going to campaign about not letting crime happen, then they can take the good with the bad.

Apparently, I 'intidmated' a teacher and she was 'concerned for her health and safety'. Well, hello, I've been telling them that for three years. If they're not going to help me, why on earth would I help them? I don't mean to scare teachers but if they are scared, once in a while, then well, tough, nay, good. If I have to put up with it, then so do they.

Teachers don't know how good they have it. If they're underpaid/worried for their health and safety, they can strike. If we strike because we're worried about her health and safety, it's 'le gasp TRUANT! CRIME!'. Well, if you'd deal with the inital crime, we wouldn't have to commit the follow-up one. ((I have seriously considered truancy. Never actually done it but...)) Plus, did it ever occur to the adults that its actually safer for people if they're not in school?

((Ok, I'm done ranting now.))