Aspies For Freedom

rossco Wrote:

She had at times say that I don't "fight fair" because she didn't have the stregnth of logical/rational thinking that I did and that I made her arguements look worthless. I'm sorry but if her reasons are sound wouldn't they naturally stand their ground?

As much as I hate admitting it I do feel that way sometimes too� It�s just that by detaching yourselves from the emotional side of things and looking at them from an outside perspective you do have an advantage point in keeping cool in a fight or argument�and man�can THAT be annoying! Wink
but�alas it is also eye opening and makes you think things are much simpler in life than what you make them�sometimes I come mesmerized and fascinated out of a an argument with my as partner� it�s like being hit by a truck of reason.
However enlightening it may be thou it does hurt us to see you can talk about problems without shivering a lip or feeling constrained (in SOME AS cases at least the one I know) and analysing things so surgically� hurtful or sometimes even jealous maybe� Wink or if an NT is one of those that always wanna be right then it�s even worse..

anyway sometimes reasons are sound and fair and sometimes may look petty or silly to you Ros but they are never worthless because someone is feeling them in the other end...and in a different way...

I have discovered that rational thought is nothing but "word games", at least that's what I've been told whenever I bring up self-contradictions that other people foist upon me.

rossco Wrote:

I hear what your saying Asira. Yes I know the way I deal with arguments can be hurtful to the other party. It is funny (not in an amusing way) once my ex asked after a heated argument, where she was getting verbally abusive/insulting and loud she noticed I was silent, blank-faced and frowning thoughtfully and intently, "what is going on in there? It's impossible to tell. you give me no emotion to read?" I replied calmly. "Oh I was just mentally recording all those horrible things you just said to remind you at a later date and trying to think of ways to prove you wrong or make you pay for being nasty to me". She was really upset by this and I even now can't understand why. If you are nasty to someone you are almost giving permission for them to do or say something nasty back. It is like hitting someone. You don't hit someone then expect they won't or shouldn't hit you back. They might choose not to but you by your actions say I think it's ok for us to do this to each other. Now I may pay her back or I may not. It may be now or may be later. It may be in a way she thinks is fair enough or may not be. One thing that doesn't happen is it doesn't get forgotten about ever. NT's seem to have a "gift of being able to forget, get over, laugh off or move on from stuff (personally I think it is a admirable and excellent trait to have) but autistics I have spoken to have a much harder time in doing this. So as horrible as the statement of mine sounded at least it was honest (and even natural). My ex also said of me once "sometimes it is not even worth "bringing stuff up" because you will remember every detail and bring it up months from now for no good reason and I won't even remember the event. It is like knowing that I will have a bomb over my head and no matter how well things go between us it could land at anytime and cause more damage than I could have ever done from the initial discusssion". I agreed with her. She got angry and once more I got confused. Oh well.

you sound like a very reasonable sensible guy... surely more than most NT guys and that is a difference.
To be honest I feel like you guys have such strong morals (in a positive way) so many valuable standards that we've grown to loos... so many important values... that it annoys us� plain and simply annoys us because it makes us confront with deep questions�
I think humans were much more true and simple in early days and with passing of "evolution" they are getting adrift with the real important questions in life.

We forget that we are hurting people we love and shared so many important things in our life with, in a fight� We move on because it�s easier to move on than face what happened and than solve it even�

One point there I�d like to ask you guys is� Do you think there is a connection between the AS� so called inflexibility (being rigid and taking a one-off experience or situation to thinking all other future similar to those will be the same) with the fact that you don�t forget that someone has done you harm?� Will you Ros see other women as your ex?� Or does it have to do more with a good memory trait?

rossco Wrote:

I am not sure what you mean? Do you mean I will think other women are my ex? Do you mean I will think other women look like my ex?Do you mean I will look for another woman who looks like her?

I'm sorry I probably sound *** I'm not sure what you mean.

you're not *** at all silly! I'm a messy bubbly coulourful methaforical confusing person by nature!
I meant here...
Do you think there is a connection between the AS�, so called, inflexibility with the fact that you don�t forget that someone has done you harm?�

Aspies are generally seen has having a trait of being rigid and taking a one-off experience or situation and projecting it to the future... not being able to discern from what happened with a particular person may not happen with another although people and situations seem similar it doesn't mean they'll be the same...

I.e. if you had a bad experience with that NT woman will your next girlfriends be "compared" or analysed throu your experience with your ex?

tenacious... where do you feel this happens more?... with partners or situations, social situations?...

sorry if i'm intruding or so...

I also take that policy with phone calls. If I had a bad experience with one type of call, I won't do it again. If people say I should, I'm liable to get very agitated. If they think it so important, they could always make the call for me but they wouldn't do that.

Pages: 1 2

ASira

Dogface

ASira

ASira

tenaciouscj