10-07-2006, 03:58 PM
I don't like self-diagnosing myself with anything but I'm pretty sure I have AS. It's funny I don't even want to be saying that either...because then again maybe I don't have it. That's the conundrum of self-diagnosis.
But on to the subject: I think the problems I've been having in my life (I'm 28 already) have gone too far and I'm wishing for some diagnosis...something..to explain my difficulties...
I have such difficulty on the job front. I just quit my job at a fast food place (pure hell...but then again fast food is the story of my life) and have not been able to find a job since. I hate the social interaction of a job. I have nothing in common with co-workers.
I have severe anxiety about going out to look for a job. To me: that spells D-O-O-M. This is your life, my mind says to me. This leads to depression. Because I'm very career-minded. But it's just something I can't grasp.
My interests and obsessions control my life. Even back when I was a little girl. My biggest obsession is the bass guitar. I would be content having a career of teaching lessons from my home. I used to constantly practice when I wasn't working. 10 hours a day. I have an obsession with playing classical music (odd thing for such an instrument). Then I'd have a job and I would be lost because I wouldn't be able to put in that time to practice. I've been in bands, but I hate being in bands. I crave being onstage but I hate the process of interacting with the musicians. Although playing gigs is a wonderful experience.
Another obsession is knowledge in general. This obsession started when I was in high school. Maybe I wasn't getting the education I wanted in high school but I started reading subjects I couldn't get in high school like astronomy and philosophy. I had a psychology class in 12th grade and became obsessed with that subject. i read too much.
I'm also a New Age junkie. Anything nature. Anything occult. Especially psychic phenomena. Sometimes I look back and wish I could have been a professional Tarot reader.
I mean, there's just too many things. None of which are any help to me on the job front.
No one at Burger King wants to have a philosophical conversation with you or talk about the literary works of Camus.
i'm terrible at job interviews. I can't make eye contact. I'm sure the employer can just read through me that I don't really want this job, it's just going to help me pay the rent, but that's all.
I come off lazy to people when it comes to the job front. And I'm not lazy. I can't keep a job because it becomes too overwhelming and it's difficult for me to find new ones. This is the vicious cycle I've been in for 10 years now.
I wish a had someone to talk to, some counseling, to help me figure out just what is wrong with me. I can't afford counseling or pyschologists. No insurance. Nothing.
But on to the subject: I think the problems I've been having in my life (I'm 28 already) have gone too far and I'm wishing for some diagnosis...something..to explain my difficulties...
I have such difficulty on the job front. I just quit my job at a fast food place (pure hell...but then again fast food is the story of my life) and have not been able to find a job since. I hate the social interaction of a job. I have nothing in common with co-workers.
I have severe anxiety about going out to look for a job. To me: that spells D-O-O-M. This is your life, my mind says to me. This leads to depression. Because I'm very career-minded. But it's just something I can't grasp.
My interests and obsessions control my life. Even back when I was a little girl. My biggest obsession is the bass guitar. I would be content having a career of teaching lessons from my home. I used to constantly practice when I wasn't working. 10 hours a day. I have an obsession with playing classical music (odd thing for such an instrument). Then I'd have a job and I would be lost because I wouldn't be able to put in that time to practice. I've been in bands, but I hate being in bands. I crave being onstage but I hate the process of interacting with the musicians. Although playing gigs is a wonderful experience.
Another obsession is knowledge in general. This obsession started when I was in high school. Maybe I wasn't getting the education I wanted in high school but I started reading subjects I couldn't get in high school like astronomy and philosophy. I had a psychology class in 12th grade and became obsessed with that subject. i read too much.
I'm also a New Age junkie. Anything nature. Anything occult. Especially psychic phenomena. Sometimes I look back and wish I could have been a professional Tarot reader.
I mean, there's just too many things. None of which are any help to me on the job front.
No one at Burger King wants to have a philosophical conversation with you or talk about the literary works of Camus.
i'm terrible at job interviews. I can't make eye contact. I'm sure the employer can just read through me that I don't really want this job, it's just going to help me pay the rent, but that's all.
I come off lazy to people when it comes to the job front. And I'm not lazy. I can't keep a job because it becomes too overwhelming and it's difficult for me to find new ones. This is the vicious cycle I've been in for 10 years now.
I wish a had someone to talk to, some counseling, to help me figure out just what is wrong with me. I can't afford counseling or pyschologists. No insurance. Nothing.