I learned many years ago that one can be in the crowd or in the band. In the crowd, you have to be a drone, a disposable cog. In the band, you can be who you really are.
Very well put! :grin: hope you don't mind me using your line as a analogy for my daughter! I also would much rather be in the band!!
this dance was directly after school, my daughter usually never feels self conscience, but for some reason she did there.
She had a snotty little girl in here class last year that made her life almost impossible, she even went so far as to constantly tell my daughter "that she shouldn't even be allowed to live". :twisted:
Found out that she didn't like it because my daughter was smarter than her.
The awards day for the 5th graders at the years end and all of us parents were sitting on the bleachers watching the kids get their awards and I feel horrlble about it know but I had to restrain myself from tripping that little girl on her way down, isn't that sick!!! :oops: I somewhat feel sorry for the kid because meet her Mom once and you know where she gets her attitude.
Now she is in a middle school with tons of girls that act that way, these years are hard enough on a person without these better than you types harrassing and tormenting them on a daily basis.
luckily she is in advanced course at her school so she doesn't come into contact with those hormone raging, follow the leader, drones .
the only friend she did have kind of said hi and then blew her off.
that is one reason she is doing theater, these kids and adults are very welcoming and know what it feels like to "not fit in".
thanks for all the responses.
I never wanted to go to dances. My mom was a dancing teacher and wanted girls so they could dance. Guess what? She got a klutz. My only salvation as a teen for my social life was that I was pretty and boys would ask me out for that. Then I learned to turn my uniqueness into an asset. No, I didn't dance, but I hated dancing. I was a gifted writer. I'd always write. Boys would come up to me, ask what I was doing, and think it was super cool that I was writing, not just a journal, but A NOVEL. I learned to use my differences as a positive thing. Some people like me and some probably think I'm weird, but I'm always myself. As for the mean girl, they are all over schools. I did learn, from copying an aggressive friend I had, how to shut people up--bullies, in particular. Unfortunately, I think I learned too well :lol:
luckily haley shrugged it off pretty quick, has a good part in our holiday play, is still loving school and is making friends. i am so glad that she (hopefully i had some influence) is able to blow off these kids, i told her that people usually attack what they are afraid of and most girls her age are terrified of "who" "thinks" "what" of them and they will be the unlucky, sad cases you will read and hear about later on in life because they are so comsumed with everyone else when they should be concerned with what they themselves what out of life, Jr high is 3 years, highschool 4, then you have to live with yourself, and not them. Most of the "popular' kids i went to school with never became successful, just statistics...
after being out of highschool all these years you still hear about them...usually in the police reports or when you run into them at places they are seeking help..... which alot of us "unpopular" kids are working at and it really brings down their egos. oh well.....
As long as my kids get that your entire life doesn't depend on your highschool social life the rst can fend fro themselves, not to be mean as I always go out of my way to offer advise to any child I think may need guidance they clearly aren't getting from home.
i never went to any school dances. i didn't like the people at my school and they didn't like me. i did go to one dance after i had graduated, with an ex. but i'm such a wallflower. i can't go up to a random girl and talk to her.
hopefully haley will get some good friends and they'll stick by her. i didn't have any friends freshman year, but i met a friend sophomore year that i'm still friends with. i hope she knows that popularity is just b.s. trying to fit it is pretty sad. she should do what makes her happy and just shrug off all the other kids. i know middle school is a tough time and i tried to fit in with the popular kids, but it's not worth it. i'm glad she's good at drama. i personally have stage fright.
one more thing. when i was in high school (1993-1998) i didn't know i had asperger's. i didn't find out about it til maybe 3 years ago. i was always wondering why i was always picked on. now i know.
besides, it's the kids that aren't like everyone that are the most interesting.
i never went to any school dances. i didn't like the people at my school and they didn't like me. i did go to one dance after i had graduated, with an ex. but i'm such a wallflower. i can't go up to a random girl and talk to her.
hopefully haley will get some good friends and they'll stick by her. i didn't have any friends freshman year, but i met a friend sophomore year that i'm still friends with. i hope she knows that popularity is just b.s. trying to fit it is pretty sad. she should do what makes her happy and just shrug off all the other kids. i know middle school is a tough time and i tried to fit in with the popular kids, but it's not worth it. i'm glad she's good at drama. i personally have stage fright.
one more thing. when i was in high school (1993-1998) i didn't know i had asperger's. i didn't find out about it til maybe 3 years ago. i was always wondering why i was always picked on. now i know.
besides, it's the kids that aren't like everyone that are the most interesting.
that is one thing about this site that helps me cope with the "guilt" I had felt about haley not having a diagnosis till she was 8 or so, i really didn't see anything "wrong" with her; when she had to start public school after being homeschooled the differences were very apperant to the school personnel,(which of course was blamed on my homeschooling) which they said I hadn't "socialized her, I intentally kept them away from all the bratty kids i knew. I still don't consider her as different, I consider her unique and I am thankful that she is, like you said the kids that aren't like everyone else are the most interesting.
I am also thankful that she has a strong sense of self, that is one thing kids have always been lacking especially now days where they aren't allowed to be kids and are never told they aren't perfect no matter what they do.
I can really relate to your suffering. NOTHING hurts worse than to see your child suffer. NOTHING. You would gladly take on all their pain and even cut off both hands if you could prevent their suffering.
Well, my AS boy went to his first dance after school, age 12, and the lights, music, crowd etc. got him really cycling high.
So he stuck two fingers way up his nostrils and twirled around under the disco ball. The other kids were NOT impressed, but he didn't care! Tell your daughter about this for a little smile.
Finally he got a headache and decided to go to the library. End of dance.
But then, at summer camp a few months later, they had a karaoke machine and he was the guy to watch! He could sing all the songs, and was completely dramatic and unafraid. Girls who were shy would ask him to be their partner. You just never know. She'll figure out what her talent is and soar.
I am really cheering for your girl!!!
PS I understand your anger at the little snotty girl. I have seriously wanted to destroy children who were mean to my son for no reason. I think it's a totally natural response.