I thought it would be an all right idea if we could post some jokes that make us laugh.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I'll start.
:twisted: Why does Yoda talk funny?
"When hand up bum you have, talk properly you cannot. hmmmmm."
#2.
On the morning of Jack and Jill's wedding, Jack's father took him aside and said,
"Listen, son. I have some advice for you. When I married your mother, I said to her, 'Why don't you try on my pants?'
She said, 'But your pants are too big for me.'
And I said, 'Yes. I wear the trousers in this house, and I always will.' And I've never had any trouble from her since."
So, on the wedding night, Jack turns to Jill, and he says, "Hey Jill. I have an idea. Why don't you try on my pants."
Jill says, "But your pants are too big for me."
Jack says, "Yes. I know. I wear the trousers in this house, and I always will."
"Oh," says Jill. "Now you try on my pants."
But Jack says, "You're pants are too small. I can't even get into them."
"Yes," says Jill. "And if you keep up that attitude you never will."
A man decided one day to phone home from work to check up on how his wife was doing. When the phone was picked up he heard a little girls voice that said,
"Hello?"
"Hello Honey, this is Daddy. Is Mummy there?
"No Daddy she's in her bedroom with uncle Jack."
The man, suddenly worried, said,
"Well, just you go to Mummy and Uncle Jack and tell them Daddy's home early okay?"
The man listened and heard a commotion in the background. Then the little girl picked up the phone and said,
"I did it."
"And what did mummy do?
"She jumped out of bed and started screaming!"
"And what did uncle Jack do?"
"He tired to climb out the window, but fell and hit his head in the empty pool!"
The man furrowed his brow and said,
"Hang on we don't have a pool."
Then he thought for a second and said,
"Is this 34 Furough lane?"
"No, this is 28 Furough lane."
"Ah, wrong number. Sorry, bye."
ok, this is a really stupid joke, but yeah. (real life experience)
ok, sometimes people refere to their arm muscles as "guns" so before our soccer team got in the huddle they were like "check out my guns" and Bebe the goalie says, "oo look i have guns too."
Then I say to Bebe, "guess what kind of guns you have"
and she's like " What?"
then I reply "BB GUNS!" LMFAO!
Oh yeah, I need jokes for my webpage. So keep um comming!
Not for the easily offended. D:< I am not hair-ist, rascist, or sexist, or any other of the sort. I just thought these were funny.
~*~
Q. How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A. Wave to her.
~*~
This one may be old, but it's still a great one to me.
One day a blonde walked into a salon wearing a headset. When she sat down, the stylist attempted to take it off. The blonde stopped her and said, "Don't take it off! I'll die if you do!" The stylist said that she needed to take the headset off so that she could cut her hair, and forced it off. The blonde choked and died instantly. Puzzled, the stylist put the headset on and listened to it. A tape was playing on repeat saying, "Breathe in, Breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."
~*~
Q. How do you keep kids with afros from jumping on the bed?
A. Put velcro on the ceiling.
~*~
This may also be old, but the immediate image you get is awesome.
Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. A garbage truck.
More dumb jokes...
#1. What's big and yellow and looks like a bucket?
A big yellow bucket.
#2. What's big and yellow and doesn't look like a bucket?
A big yellow bucket in disguise.
#3. What's big and green and looks like a bucket?
A big yellow bucket painted green. :roll:
And this one. (Not for the easily offended because it's very dirty.)
A man walks into a bar. He looks very depressed and the bartender says to him. "Hey, mate. What's wrong?"
The man says, "I'm depressed because I just caught my girlfriend having sex with my best friend!!"
The bartender says, "Oh. That's terrible. What did you do?"
Man: "I told my girlfriend, 'It's over. There's no way we're getting back together again. You've definitely gone too far this time, so get out!"
Bartender: "Oh. What did you say to your best friend?"
Man: "Well, I went up to him, and I looked him right in the eye. And I said to him...
Bad dog."
:boom:
Haha! I love the bucket jokes!
Until quite recenlty the United Kingdom had a political party called 'The Monster reaving Loony party. One of its candidates was Lord Buckethead.
Its idea was to have a manifesto with policies no one sane would consider a party able to get put into law. Part of the reason it disbanded was due to running out of polices as they were legislated.
What does an agnostic say when you sneeze?
Whatever.