Hi, Im new here and I have a 9 y/o son with Aspergers.We told him he had Aspergers after some kids at school started teasing him for going to speech class.When he asked what makes him so different from the other kids I told him what he had ,expecting to have to go into deep explanations because he likes to know everything about a new subject.He just looked at me and said "Thats what makes me so much smarter than the kids in my class" He has never asked about it again.My question is to anyone who has Aspergers , how old were you when you found out and do you wish you were older or younger when you found out.Im not sure if my son is comfortable with Aspergers or is just not ready to hear more.I will take my cues from him and if he asks more I will tell him but if he doesnt say anything then I wont either,I would be interested in hearing from someone who has bee there .
Welcome to the forum.
I'm not an Aspie... I'm diagnosed with a High Functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder - similar thing though :wink:
I was diagnosed in 2002 at the age of 36. I wish I had been identified as a school boy... they knew something was afoot with me but never found out what - and so I had no help beyond some barbituate pills (aged 8-11... when my mother stepped in and stopped them).
I've spent most of my life blaming myself for being different and hating (and minor self-harming) myself. My diagnosis was such a great relief for me... I do not have to hate myself any longer. My inability to fit in is not my fault any longer... I now know that I can't help it... and therefore I do not need to hate myself for it any longer.
I still have problems and psychological scars because how I have been treated at school and work... I still dislike myself somewhat (but not hate)... but I feel like a great weight has been taken from my shoulders, just by knowing my pain for what it is.
I was 34 when I learned about Aspergers because of the diagnosis of my son. That was, when I found out what is different with me, too.
I wished that I knew long before, because a long time I thought there was something wrong with me (now I tend to say I'm differnt). I was always accused to be how I am, as if I could change it - and the problem was, that I thought it was my fault and I really thought I should be able to change it. I still suffer from the problems that came from that thoughts.
Even before having a diagnosis my ex-husband said that I was kind of anthropophobic some times and he really disliked those times. Knowing that this is part of me and knowing a lot about the mechanisms behind it, I can live my life more like I want it. If I want to be with other people around me, I know how to arrange times and circumstances to do so, but I know as well that I'll need times to recover.
I really wished I had known long before - at least if there was someone who'd accepted a diagnosis (my mother doesn't accept it for my son) and helped me.
Sibylle
Hi, Im new here and I have a 9 y/o son with Aspergers.We told him he had Aspergers after some kids at school started teasing him for going to speech class.When he asked what makes him so different from the other kids I told him what he had ,expecting to have to go into deep explanations because he likes to know everything about a new subject.He just looked at me and said "Thats what makes me so much smarter than the kids in my class" He has never asked about it again.My question is to anyone who has Aspergers , how old were you when you found out and do you wish you were older or younger when you found out.Im not sure if my son is comfortable with Aspergers or is just not ready to hear more.I will take my cues from him and if he asks more I will tell him but if he doesnt say anything then I wont either,I would be interested in hearing from someone who has bee there .
My daughter is 12 now and we told her when we found out ourselves when she was 7 years old, as time goes by she wants to learn more and to educate others, she doesn't see herself as any "different" or "disabled"
she is very smart her last iq test was done 3 years ago and she already had tested at 140.
She does have some problems in school when she is being taught something that she doesn't see as relevant to her and has actually told that very thing to a few teachers who don't always take it well.
that is the hardest thing I have had to deal with as far as my daughters aspergers diagnosis, trying to get her to realize that some of the things she says others take as rude, if she wants to know something she WILL ask, no matter what. Give your child every opportunity to explore those things that they really enjoy, and yes they my change from week to week but when they do find an interest they become expert on the subject.
My daughter had a problem last year when her class was studying a certain subject which she had learned everything about and if the teacher gave wrong or irrelvant information on that subject she could not be stopped from "correcting" or adding to the subject.
Basically your child is just simply going to be a wondrful gift and a joy to raise, there are also several silver linings I feel to my child having aspergers, such as they don't care about being popular, keeping up with the other kids etc, which will allow them to not follow the "crowd" and end up going down the wrong path like alot of kids end up doing to be popular or liked.
My daughter likes herself just the way she is, and that makes me very happy.
My daughter had a problem last year when her class was studying a certain subject which she had learned everything about and if the teacher gave wrong or irrelvant information on that subject she could not be stopped from "correcting" or adding to the subject.
I hope the teacher had the humility to take it like a grown up.
Good on your daughter... she sounds great :grin:
My daughter had a problem last year when her class was studying a certain subject which she had learned everything about and if the teacher gave wrong or irrelvant information on that subject she could not be stopped from "correcting" or adding to the subject.
I hope the teacher had the humility to take it like a grown up.
Good on your daughter... she sounds great :grin:
regreatfully no she didn't take well to that or to my daughter at all!! :o
regreatfully no she didn't take well to that or to my daughter at all!! :o
Then the teacher has cause to be ashamed for being so arrogant.
A lot of teachers are arrogant and not able to think outside of the limits of the text book - or what they imagine the text wrongly to be. It is a pity. Adults can learn a lot from children and, yes, teenagers can teach us a thing or two also :wink:
Welcome, rcz!
My son is 9 and was diagnosed (tentatively, a "school use" diagnosis) when he was 7.
All he needed to know to become completely happy with himself and his difficulties was that his brain is wired differently, and this makes him super smart in some areas and gives him trouble in others. He has accepted that explanation totally, and will share it with his friends without reservation when it seems necessary to him.
He wants to be an inventor (so far, anyway) and he just beams with the pride of promise when I tell him people think Bill Gates and Einstein may have been Aspies, too.
He's also been happy to learn that his shoe tying and bike riding problems are totally typical (there have been informal survey's on the general board), and that the pacing he likes to do is also common among Aspies (we used to try to get him to stop, but we've learned to accept it, as this kind of thing most Aspies say helps them relax and focus).
Like I said earlier, the single most important thing he seems to have needed was to know there was a reason he was different, that it could be named, and that it also came with assets.
He is willing to work hard on learning the compensations he sees good reason for (pragmatic speech, for example, so his friends don't get frustrated with him). He seems to believe that the extra help he gets will get him where he needs to go with it all. He seems to have total faith in the adults around him to help him with this.
I wish all children could have that trust but, unfortunately, most schools don't seem to deal with their Aspie children appropriately. We consider ourselves lucky here.
ANYWAY, your son's response sounded typical to me. Now that it can be classed and sorted and given a scientific name, all is right with the world.
Or, at least, that it is how it seems to me, looking in from the outside.
Welcome, rcz!
My son is 9 and was diagnosed (tentatively, a "school use" diagnosis) when he was 7.
All he needed to know to become completely happy with himself and his difficulties was that his brain is wired differently, and this makes him super smart in some areas and gives him trouble in others. He has accepted that explanation totally, and will share it with his friends without reservation when it seems necessary to him.
He wants to be an inventor (so far, anyway) and he just beams with the pride of promise when I tell him people think Bill Gates and Einstein may have been Aspies, too.
He's also been happy to learn that his shoe tying and bike riding problems are totally typical (there have been informal survey's on the general board), and that the pacing he likes to do is also common among Aspies (we used to try to get him to stop, but we've learned to accept it, as this kind of thing most Aspies say helps them relax and focus).
Like I said earlier, the single most important thing he seems to have needed was to know there was a reason he was different, that it could be named, and that it also came with assets.
He is willing to work hard on learning the compensations he sees good reason for (pragmatic speech, for example, so his friends don't get frustrated with him). He seems to believe that the extra help he gets will get him where he needs to go with it all. He seems to have total faith in the adults around him to help him with this.
I wish all children could have that trust but, unfortunately, most schools don't seem to deal with their Aspie children appropriately. We consider ourselves lucky here.
ANYWAY, your son's response sounded typical to me. Now that it can be classed and sorted and given a scientific name, all is right with the world.
Or, at least, that it is how it seems to me, looking in from the outside.
My daughter also loves to hear about how many famous people are believed to have been aspies.
My husband wanted our daughter to ride a bike so bad but finally gave in and quit bothering her about it, for one she is kind of uncoordinated and it made her uncomfortable and two, it was a matter of realvance to her, why should she need to ride a bike when god gave her legs to walk with, can't argue with that !
she also paces, only she likes to walk in circles, like around tables, etc. it really bothers some people but as long as it helps her i say spin all you want.
11. I just wish they told no-one else. Actually I wish they never bothered at all, but telling no-one else would be a start.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's aged 24 (earlier this year), but I thought I had it since I first heard about it 3 years ago.
I wish I had known about it as a child, because not being able to fit in made me very depressed. Now I am starting to understand myself in the context of my AS diagnosis, I feel much better about things.
It's possible your son does want to know more about Asperger's, but doesn't know how to ask you. Maybe you could give him a book about it or something, then he can read it if and when he feels ready - or not, but it gives him the option.
I identify with the bike riding bit - my poor dad ran behind my bicycle, holding the saddle, for MONTHS before I finally manged to find a sense of balance.
But, I've been a motorcyclist for over 30 years, and ride one for a living!
I've known I have Asperger's since I was 42.
Well, as far as I remember it was quite difficult to teach me riding a bike, but now I really enjoy it!
And it was difficult for me, teaching my aspieson to ride a bike, but I didn't have to hold his bike - I held him instead and that was much easier than running half bend down behind a bike!
Just take a belt (a big one) or trousers that have belts attached (those who go over the shoulders, but they have to be stitched to the trousers). If you take the belt-method, your child should wear a jacket or big pullover to make sure it won't be hurt. Then put the belt loose enough around it's chest to grip it in the back or let it run a bit loose when the child starts to become more confident. Take a leather belt for it, or something you are really sure it wont rip apart! Let your child try to hang on that belt, so it can be sure it won't break.
Even when walking slow you now can stable your child on a bike and it would be able to accomodate to the raising speed. Sometimes it may be the speed that's the problem, not the balance. When I was young I feared the speed, for my eyes just couldn't follow because I wasn't used to. So starting slow with this security-belt-method might help.
We crashed the bike a lot, but my son did not have to touch ground then, for I could stable him. But make sure your child won't be hurt if you got to catch it on that safety belt, try out in advance, it might hurt under the arms, so maybe you have to put something soft there.
Have fun!
Sibylle
Thank you to everybody who replied.I really like this forum.It is great to get the opinion of somebody who knows what it feels like to be where my son is.He is so special to us and I wouldnt take him any other way but it really hurts to see him struggle. Thanks again to everybody.
Belinda