09-15-2006, 06:16 PM
Behind almost every special needs child, there's a mother -- a mother who is often frazzled, stressed, worried and exhausted and who rarely puts herself on her own "to do" list, according to Amy Baskin.
But the Guelph woman hopes these mothers of special needs kids will find ways to carve out some "me" time and gain some perspective after reading More Than a Mom, a book she co-wrote with former Guelphite Heather Fawcett.
There will be a book launch party at The Bookshelf on Quebec Street, from 7 to 9 p.m. on Sunday.
"There was lots of information about special needs kids and how to help them through sports and school. Heather and I would go to autism conferences all the time," said Baskin in an interview at her home earlier this week. "But nobody was talking about moms and how they are affected. And we thought, 'That's something we can write about.'"
Baskin's daughter, Talia, has autism and Fawcett has a child with Asberger syndrome, a milder form of autism, so both women know first-hand the challenges faced by families with special needs kids.
But for the book, they also surveyed more than 500 mothers, pored over statistics and interviewed experts on physical and mental well-being.
In a nutshell, their advice is to eat and sleep well, exercise regularly and maintain friendships and outside interests to help cope with the intense parenting such children require.
The book includes quizzes and idea sheets for ways to build healthy eating habits, exercise, paid or volunteer work and happiness into mothers' lives, which can only translate to happier and healthier kids.
"You have to start with yourself and that can be the hardest thing," Baskin said. "It's so easy to lose yourself as you get wrapped up in your child and his or her needs."
Pauline Busby is a friend of Baskin and mother of a 15-year-old with cerebral palsy and autism. She's read parts of the book already and said she can't wait to read it from start to finish.
"I think it's really essential to have a book like this," Busby said. "When you have a child with special needs, you get so caught up in the appointments, the doctors, the therapies and the busyness of it all. Moms with typical kids experience that as well, but for us it's even more pronounced.
"Sometimes you need permission to pursue your own interests."
Ten years ago a group of Guelph mothers of children with special needs would get together for an informal social time. They would talk about their struggles, about new therapies and coping strategies. Busby and Baskin were among the group.
"But we got tired of talking about our kids all the time, so we changed the group into a book club. How much reading we did varied from month to month, but that wasn't really the point," Busby said.
"We just needed to get out and not be a mom for a couple of hours. It really helped me."
Baskin knew something was wrong with her daughter when she was about a year-and-a-half, but it wasn't until Talia was three when she was diagnosed with autism.
Back in those days, there was no early intervention program and, therefore, no waiting list to be put on, but there was a barrage of appointments, lots of research to do and constant advocating for services for her daughter. Baskin had to learn how to give her daughter the intensive, one-on-one therapy that's since proven to be effective for many autistic kids.
"At first you're hit with grief and go into complete survival mode," Baskin said. "But after a while you realize this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life. It can be very depressing to realize you won't be able to get back to the life you once had."
The book cites a 2001 Swedish study of 207 mothers that showed four per cent of mothers of typically developing children suffer from depression, compared to eight per cent of mothers of children with intellectual disabilities and 16 per cent of mothers of children with autism. Single mothers were most vulnerable to depression.
The biggest incidents of depression are among mothers of children who have behavioural issues such as hyperactivity, impulse control, screaming in public and such. If your child acts out in public, you tend not to go out in public, Baskin said, another life-limiting opportunity.
Baskin said organizations like the YMCA, that has an all-inclusive policy, are great because mom can exercise and child is supervised. And regular exercise is both mood-boosting and stamina-building -- two things every mother needs.
The book has an extensive reference section that includes both Canadian and American agencies and government policies on leaves of absence, programs and financial assistance.
"Having a book like this would have been useful to me when Talia was younger. I hope others will find it useful now," Baskin said. "Just seeing this stuff in print gives validity to the complaints of over-stressed moms, who have amazing skills and strengths."
From therecord.com
But the Guelph woman hopes these mothers of special needs kids will find ways to carve out some "me" time and gain some perspective after reading More Than a Mom, a book she co-wrote with former Guelphite Heather Fawcett.
There will be a book launch party at The Bookshelf on Quebec Street, from 7 to 9 p.m. on Sunday.
"There was lots of information about special needs kids and how to help them through sports and school. Heather and I would go to autism conferences all the time," said Baskin in an interview at her home earlier this week. "But nobody was talking about moms and how they are affected. And we thought, 'That's something we can write about.'"
Baskin's daughter, Talia, has autism and Fawcett has a child with Asberger syndrome, a milder form of autism, so both women know first-hand the challenges faced by families with special needs kids.
But for the book, they also surveyed more than 500 mothers, pored over statistics and interviewed experts on physical and mental well-being.
In a nutshell, their advice is to eat and sleep well, exercise regularly and maintain friendships and outside interests to help cope with the intense parenting such children require.
The book includes quizzes and idea sheets for ways to build healthy eating habits, exercise, paid or volunteer work and happiness into mothers' lives, which can only translate to happier and healthier kids.
"You have to start with yourself and that can be the hardest thing," Baskin said. "It's so easy to lose yourself as you get wrapped up in your child and his or her needs."
Pauline Busby is a friend of Baskin and mother of a 15-year-old with cerebral palsy and autism. She's read parts of the book already and said she can't wait to read it from start to finish.
"I think it's really essential to have a book like this," Busby said. "When you have a child with special needs, you get so caught up in the appointments, the doctors, the therapies and the busyness of it all. Moms with typical kids experience that as well, but for us it's even more pronounced.
"Sometimes you need permission to pursue your own interests."
Ten years ago a group of Guelph mothers of children with special needs would get together for an informal social time. They would talk about their struggles, about new therapies and coping strategies. Busby and Baskin were among the group.
"But we got tired of talking about our kids all the time, so we changed the group into a book club. How much reading we did varied from month to month, but that wasn't really the point," Busby said.
"We just needed to get out and not be a mom for a couple of hours. It really helped me."
Baskin knew something was wrong with her daughter when she was about a year-and-a-half, but it wasn't until Talia was three when she was diagnosed with autism.
Back in those days, there was no early intervention program and, therefore, no waiting list to be put on, but there was a barrage of appointments, lots of research to do and constant advocating for services for her daughter. Baskin had to learn how to give her daughter the intensive, one-on-one therapy that's since proven to be effective for many autistic kids.
"At first you're hit with grief and go into complete survival mode," Baskin said. "But after a while you realize this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life. It can be very depressing to realize you won't be able to get back to the life you once had."
The book cites a 2001 Swedish study of 207 mothers that showed four per cent of mothers of typically developing children suffer from depression, compared to eight per cent of mothers of children with intellectual disabilities and 16 per cent of mothers of children with autism. Single mothers were most vulnerable to depression.
The biggest incidents of depression are among mothers of children who have behavioural issues such as hyperactivity, impulse control, screaming in public and such. If your child acts out in public, you tend not to go out in public, Baskin said, another life-limiting opportunity.
Baskin said organizations like the YMCA, that has an all-inclusive policy, are great because mom can exercise and child is supervised. And regular exercise is both mood-boosting and stamina-building -- two things every mother needs.
The book has an extensive reference section that includes both Canadian and American agencies and government policies on leaves of absence, programs and financial assistance.
"Having a book like this would have been useful to me when Talia was younger. I hope others will find it useful now," Baskin said. "Just seeing this stuff in print gives validity to the complaints of over-stressed moms, who have amazing skills and strengths."
From therecord.com