Aspies For Freedom

I agree with you, Tigger_the_Wing. As a matter of fact, Bill Gates PROBABLY has AS, but I'm not completely sure. Many people with AS have successful careers, which make them candidates for marriage. (Gah. I'm braindead this morning. x_x.)

I live in the Central Time Zone. It's 9:34 A.M. here.

Yep, that's right. Oh, and shall we move the conversation to PM? I don't want to go off-topic for too long.

I see.

I 'm off to PM-land as well.

So much depends on the Aspie's values and life-view. Unfortunately, ASers active on boards probably aren't an entirely accurate representation of the AS population as a whole; most of us here have a decent level of self-awareness and are engaged in self-improvement. An Aspie who feels no need to look at her or his own behavior and seek support for improving his/her relationship skills might not be such a great bet for a partnership.

Some AS men were enabled into passive/covert aggressive behavior beginning in childhood; their refusal to take responsibility is NOT a primary AS issue. I think AS women tend to be way too accepting of bad behavior, too willing to sweep it under a carpet of disability. Scott Wetzler's book _Living With the Passive-Aggressive Man_ has a lot of insight into behaviors that just aren't okay. It's written for women in relationships, and candy-coated so as not to seem like it's pushing them to leave ... but every chapter ends with a call to clarity and consequences.

Coconut4me Wrote:

I am convinced that my boyfriend is an aspie, however he's never been diagnosed.  The more he has learned about it, the more I think he is thinking the same thing.  I love him incredibly, but sometimes the things he says are hard to accept - and arguments can escalate very quickly, even when we have been having a great day together.

My little bro was diagnosed at a young age, and is now applying for colleges.  I grew up with him, and am very familiar with what being an aspie is about.  I love it, I love him, it has been a learning process for the family, but not a bad one!  But the more I got to know my bf, the more I realized that he may also have a.s.

However, being in a relationship is totally different from a family member.  What are peoples' views on an aspie/NT marriage?  Can it work?  Sometimes I feel like I'll be giving up something, because he is never very interested in me or my life.  I know that's not true, but I like to be asked "how was your day" or "how did that make you feel".  He never does that.  I don't see/feel/hear the unconditional love, but I know it's there.  I trust and believe him 100% that he loves me.  Maybe it is my problem to overcome?  We have been together a year, and I am his first major relationship, minus a few botched attempts he had in the past.  I just wonder if I'm going to be let down by investing so much time and emotion into a relationship that he may not be capable (?) of having.  Maybe I should just stop typing and see what people have to say about this... Smile

I would advise caution against falling into what I call "medical textbook syndrome", where people read about things in textbooks and assume that they have them. Sometimes, people convince themselves that they or someone else has an autism spectrum condition when actually they don't.

However, regardless of whether or not he actually has it, you need to ask yourself if his shortcomings critically affect your relationship. If you think he has anything that critically affects your relationship, then you need to insist that the two of you attempt to find a solution before you even think about marriage. If, after repeated attempts, you can't find a solution and you still think his shortcomings are ones that critically affect the relationship, maybe it isn't meant to be?

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