oh he loves you, trust me i am aspergers and i am attracted to the people i love, he must be too.
Wouldn't it be hard to marry many Aspie women if many Aspie women are asexual and like the woman in that Psychology Today article report difficulty with "love"? I have also read here from some women that they play with their children- I have read that many Asperger girls do not want to become teenagers, teenagers do not want to become women, difficulties with physical maturation, even some difficulties with, ummmmmm, s_x. It would be hard to find them if they are one in 150 women.
On the other hand they are often strikingly intelligent.
If you love each other, compromise well, and have good communication, then I think the marriage will work out very well. The last of the three is often the most important for the autie/Aspie. The first is the most important for the NT, and the second is important for both.
Shrek,
Adding to Tiggers remarks. If there is one thing that really pisses me of about professionals it is that they state I do not know how to express love.
WTF do they know.
They want me to explain love in two sentences. OK I cannot do that. Love is far to complicated to be said in a few sentences or a stupid sugarcoated song. But trust me, I do know something about love. (Even though the professionals wrote I don't)
My kids feel loved. My husband feels loved. I feel loved by them. (Can that be? Aren't they on the spectrum? They can't possibly love. I must be delusional)
Sorry for the rant.
But stating autists are uncapable of loving has an effect on me.
Oh, further info: My daughter is looking forward to becoming a teenager.
I might as well come out and suggest some Aspie women might have issues with maturity. I am not sure if I read that in the Psychology Today article or on this blog. A teenager wishing to stay a child, woman wishing to stay a teenager, and so on. The asexuality may be part of that, and yes it does concern a healthy heterosexual guy, although probably a lot less at 40 than it did at 20.
This sounds too much like Monty Python The Meaning of Life, and the Protestants. "We have two kids, and........ we could......"
Why oh why do I want to say "Grow up" now.
Yes there are AS women who have problems with maturing.
Guess What. There are AS men with the same problem.
There are even NT men with that problem
And, believe it or not, NT women with that problem.
You can not look at statistics about women if you want to find a true love.
People are not like the sociological average.
All differ. Some differ more than others.
That is the beauty of it.
All right, I hated it when they said the same thing. I even thought, it's bad enough kids in grade school called me a Scarecrow (***!), don't call me a Tin Man either (no ability to love a woman).
OK. We need to distinguish what autists say about themselves vs. what Psychs say about us.
Shrek,
Adding to Tiggers remarks. If there is one thing that really pisses me of about professionals it is that they state I do not know how to express love.
WTF do they know.
They want me to explain love in two sentences. OK I cannot do that. Love is far to complicated to be said in a few sentences or a stupid sugarcoated song. But trust me, I do know something about love. (Even though the professionals wrote I don't)
My kids feel loved. My husband feels loved. I feel loved by them. (Can that be? Aren't they on the spectrum? They can't possibly love. I must be delusional)
Sorry for the rant.
But stating autists are uncapable of loving has an effect on me.
Oh, further info: My daughter is looking forward to becoming a teenager.
Shrek,
Adding to Tiggers remarks. If there is one thing that really pisses me of about professionals it is that they state I do not know how to express love.
WTF do they know.
They want me to explain love in two sentences. OK I cannot do that. Love is far to complicated to be said in a few sentences or a stupid sugarcoated song. But trust me, I do know something about love. (Even though the professionals wrote I don't)
My kids feel loved. My husband feels loved. I feel loved by them. (Can that be? Aren't they on the spectrum? They can't possibly love. I must be delusional)
Sorry for the rant.
But stating autists are uncapable of loving has an effect on me.
Oh, further info: My daughter is looking forward to becoming a teenager.
That pisses me off, too, hyke. You are not alone. I love my parents, my six siblings, and I also love this guy I know but am not involved with.
Professionals: What the hell? Are we delusional? Did the person with autism actually profess love for nine people? We thought autistic people couldn't love at all! *Write down notes*
Well, shut the hell up about us not being able to love! Plenty of autistics are able to love. Most just don't do the sugar-coated stuff you do![/size]
I believe that marriage with an AS partner is always possible. As long as one accepts who he/she really is, then it should work out. The problem now-a-days is the Mass Media, which spews out it's lies (Like always. I don't trust the Media. However, it's just my opinion that it's the Media's fault.) about Asperger Syndrome being the "End of The World," than in which it's just a different way of seeing things. You can have two flashlights that are wired differently into two different models and still give out the same light.
Back to marrying an Aspie -- which is something I'll be doing in less than a week... And the Aspie will be marrying an ADDie.
I'm a big believer in therapy and coaching and classes and such. Just struggling through without support and resources is just unnecessarily difficult and painful and unlikely to be successful.
last week Erich and I had one of those moments when his Aspieness collided with my ADDieness and we decided to talk to a couples counselor. I did some online research, some e-mailing with a couple of "experts" and was able to find a couples therapist with specialties in both asperger's and ADHD.
We met with her yesterday and I was really pleased. It was great to talk to a therapist where we won't have to spend the first nine sessions teaching her how ADHD and Asperger's work. Why pay HER $125 x 9 for US to be doing all the teaching?)
A "regular" therapist constantly misinterprets what I do or think, and what Erich does and thinks, because they don't understand what is a result of our neurodiversity.
I would really recommend finding someone with particular training and experience with asperger's for any NT marrying an Aspie. And training in ADHD for anyone marrying an ADDie.
I wonder if there any good, reliable dating sites for Aspies/Addies - I mean ones with a good amount of traffic.
Love in two sentences....
It is that which you need and seek from me.
When I share it, your happiness is my reward.
Several step model
1. She needs love
2. In the context of a relationship, she comes to a guy for love
3. In the context of a relationship, he fulfills her need and request
4. The fulfillment meets her need and simultaneously makes her happy to be with him
5. Her happiness makes him happy to be with her
6. Not incidentally, she loves him too
7. And she is fulfilling certain love needs he has, but he may be too busy concentrating on being happy meeting hers to notice his own
I am convinced that my boyfriend is an aspie, however he's never been diagnosed. The more he has learned about it, the more I think he is thinking the same thing. I love him incredibly, but sometimes the things he says are hard to accept - and arguments can escalate very quickly, even when we have been having a great day together.
My little bro was diagnosed at a young age, and is now applying for colleges. I grew up with him, and am very familiar with what being an aspie is about. I love it, I love him, it has been a learning process for the family, but not a bad one! But the more I got to know my bf, the more I realized that he may also have a.s.
However, being in a relationship is totally different from a family member. What are peoples' views on an aspie/NT marriage? Can it work? Sometimes I feel like I'll be giving up something, because he is never very interested in me or my life. I know that's not true, but I like to be asked "how was your day" or "how did that make you feel". He never does that. I don't see/feel/hear the unconditional love, but I know it's there. I trust and believe him 100% that he loves me. Maybe it is my problem to overcome? We have been together a year, and I am his first major relationship, minus a few botched attempts he had in the past. I just wonder if I'm going to be let down by investing so much time and emotion into a relationship that he may not be capable (?) of having. Maybe I should just stop typing and see what people have to say about this...
I SAY IT DEPENDS, IF SOME PERSON WITH ASPERGER SYNDROME LOVES SOMEONE THEN YES, ALLTHOUGB SOME PEOPLE WITH ASPERGER SYNDROME dont express their love and put their intrests first, if he really likes you, then yes, go for it. im a boy with asperger syndrome and i have feelings of love for other people too.