It's a guy thing. We notice breasts a lot. We notice women in bikinis a lot. NT and aspie alike. I find it odd he would mention it to his girlfriend. That might mean he feels safe with you. That's an NT intimacy/comfort level thing. But, it's not weird for him to notice.
women check out guys, too- women are usually just slicker about it and less obvious. it's not weird to notice someone; it IS weird to point it out to your date. ...hey honey, check me out- checking out her tits!... for him to do such an inappropriate thing, then refuse to talk about why he did it, is very curious.
My (NT) husband and I enjoy people-watching when we're out doing things together. He might comment on a woman's enormous boobs or something, and I'll laugh and comment on a guy's chiseled jaw or lush dark eyes. We both really are enjoying looking at the eye candy, and we make a game of teasing each other with it. It's fun and we don't really get jealous because we both know we love each other. It's just nice to look at nice bodies, and it's nice to not have to lie about it or hide it.
Maybe your boyfriend was annoyed that you didn't seem jealous because he wanted you to feel possessive of him; that would have made him feel like he was important to you.
Keez,
It seems like your bf might be a bit imature... that is if he does this as often as it seems like he's doing it.... I'm an AS married to an NT. And this kinda stuff (knowing why he's talking about such wierd stuff sometimes...) is hard to get around sometimes. But your guy seems like he's just really imature, I don't know how old you guys are, so maybe if your teenagers or something it would at least make more sense... but either way, why keep dating a guy who doesn't respect you enough to overt his eyes... When I get to these points in my communication with my hubby where I either don't understand what he's trying to say or from what direction he's coming from I have to take a step back and say, "Is this worth a rocky relationship to try to figure out? or do I need to just drop the subject and move on?" So aside from that, if this seems to be a real problem for him, the inability to keep his eyes to himself, then maybe you need to do some "menu gazing" of your own and see if you can find a better entree yourself.
I do want to point out that my hubby has tried the "funny jealous" thing before and it blew up in his face a few times before he was able to gently explain that the whole thing is just a funny joke and all he really wants out of it is a "jealousy kiss" and a more engaging (sexy) conversation. Being in a relationship is just as much about meeting his needs as it is for him to meet mine... and if that means batting an eyelash or two... so be it.
[women check out guys, too- women are usually just slicker about it and less obvious. it's not weird to notice someone; it IS weird to point it out to your date. ...hey honey, check me out- checking out her tits!... for him to do such an inappropriate thing, then refuse to talk about why he did it, is very curious.
Example of a women checkin someone out "hey liz...look over there...CHECK OUT THE PACKAGE ON THAT GUY!" (then loads of giggling, well maybe im the only one laughing...so yeah)
ha! [/u]good point. women are not always less obvious- but with a date around they generally tend to be.
The more I read it, the more I think he was saying, "Hey, look at that!" For an NT, that can be the end of it. An AS will pursue the importance of "that" to an annoying degree. In this situation, an NT response might be, "Yeah, she looks like a total ***." This says to the NT, "You have correctly identified a 'that' worthy of notice." or "We think in similar ways." While the AS response, "That's nice, as along as she isn't cold.", says, "The 'that' you thought worthy of notice is unimportant; therefore, your interests are beneath me."
I've also found that when NTs won't explain something, it often means they can't. Remember, they process much of their information intuitively. Thinking about it, putting it into cognitive terms, is difficult for them, even offensive. If they need to explain an intuition, they've made some kind of mistake. If you can tell them the correct explanation, they will tell you if you're right, but that's it. We want intellectual discourse. They want ego stroking. That can be a tough mix.
I just noticed this post. I wish I had read it more carefully the first time I looked at this thread.
What a wonderful insight! You have put into words something that has bothered me for years. I often get into arguments because of this phenomenon. I don't understand why someone made a comment or what they expect me to say, and then when I ask for clarity they think I am dismissing or questioning them, and they become offended or angry.
if no one said it, jelousy, to NTs, shows that you care about them. i mean NTs are pretty bizzar it sounds cruel i know, but sometimes some NTs just dont understand that there are ways to feel loved withought inflicting negative emotions.
desh was always happy when i got jelous of girls, but see it took alot to get me jelous, like theyd have to be very obviously hitting on him when they knew he was with me already. otherwise i just didnt notice.
this whole event sounds like he was pushing you to be "spontanious" and other such words he kept useing.
and, i always wear low cut tops (almost Always) and short skirts (or pants or long flowey skirts), too, its just comfier, your not the only one. :>
No offense, but your BF sounds like a complete dick!
I agree with many of the responses here - he was using a jealousy test on you. It's a power thing... Lots of NTs base their entire relationship around "power dynamics", a kind of push-pull game of one-upping each other. For some it's a game, but it can turn nasty quickly and result in a lot of hurt.
A true relationship is based on compassion and mutual understanding... if your BF wants to "get a rise" out of you by preying on (what he believed would bring out) your insecurities, it's time to drop him. This is not good man material. He doesn't understand you, and probably can't understand you... He's not the kind of guy that's going to appreciate the depth of your AS thought patterns - he's expecting (and thus looking for) an NT partner with whom his NT patterns with have the expected results. They don't work on you, and he's already blaming you for his failed attempt at communication.
Count yourself lucky that it's not going to work out with this guy. You sound like you'd be better off without him!