Aspies For Freedom

Is he really being rude? Or is he actually being open, honest, and blunt? That is not the same as rudeness.

Aspies often do not want to waste time with irrelevant social niceties that are essentially meaningless.

Welcome trying. Stick around and you'll learn more about AS, that may help you learn better ways to communicate with your co worker.

It seems to me that you want to understand your co-worker better, and you want to get along with him, or you wouldn't be posting here.
That is a postive thing!

I think the best way to get along with him is to proceed on the assumption that he does have Aspergers.  Doing so will allow you, hopefully, to accept him the way he is and, more importantly for you, to realize that he does not mean to make you feel upset.  If no bad intention is meant, none need to be received.  Learn to look at his blunt or dismissive statements as simply a different way to view the world, and maybe even try to see the world his way.  It can be quite fun, actually, to see things the way Aspies seem to.  No worry about window dressing ... just interesting facts and very dry humor.  When you get used to it, you will probably find his company quite enjoyable.

If not, it's OK.  As long as you allow him to be who he is, and give yourself permission to be who you are, and decide that the world is a far more colorful place having the two of you be very different people.

Trying, can you look at the situation logically and remember that he isn't trying to be impolite, he's is using language in a functional way.

As do I a lot.

Imagine that an aspie communicates like a computer, it gives the information that is needed, it doesn't tell you how it feels about the weather.
Imagine that an average person communicates like a spam email, it gives you unnecessary information by design, but it is often polite and attracts the attention.

Different ways of communicating.

Asperger's has lack of empathy as a common feature.
Though it is hotly debated to what extent this is, and what it really means, in general terms he will be less likely to realise if you are upset by his actions.

I think we do connect better with other aspies, my husband is an aspie too. :smile:

I don't know how others feel about me because they never tell me. All they said was I'm funny, straight forward, honest, very smart. I don’t ask people what they think of me or if they like me or not. In adulthood it’s hard to tell when they don’t like you because grown ups don’t normally treat others bad even though they dislike him or her but those who do is considered immature.


Yes aspies can get hurt by each other. When I was 17, I did a poll because some people are diagnosed with AS even though they didn’t meet enough for the criteria but still get the diagnoses so I asked do you have aspergers but don’t truly have it? and an aspie responded to it by saying ‘I find the question very offensive and will not be answering it” and I was hurt because I was trying to see if I was the only one with the diagnoses but didn’t really quite have it (I met five my mother told me) and then I get attacked and bam we have an aspie fight. She said it was honesty but no I thought it was a flame. But it eventually ended. Then few years later mom tells me I really did meet it because she told me sometimes I have 6 7 or 8 but mostly I have 5. I think if I didn’t have that speech delay, I would have met that part of the criteria. My psychiatrist did write I was between autism and apsergers but I think he meant aspergers and autism because aspergers is a form of autism. I used to think I was nothing because I didn’t belong in the NT society and I didn’t belong in the aspie society so I was in between and alone so I felt I was nothing. But I remember at one of my doctor appointments (I think it was for a papsmear, spelling) and my doctor had his binder open and there was a printed page pasted in there of me and it said “Elizabeth has been diagnosed as having Asperger’s syndrome even though she didn’t quite meet the criteria.” That was far as I got before he closed it. But what was that about? Perhaps my mother was just saying it to get rid of my confusion so I wouldn’t feel like nothing. I think my diagnoses should have been PDD-NOS. Perhaps my psychiatrist didn’t know about it. Perhaps I should go for a diagnoses change so I’m not living of a lie, what do you guys think?


<how do aspies show emotion to eachother?>

When I was 15 and 16 I had this aspie friend and we always talked about stuff that bothered us or we didn’t like. When we did talking, we talked about our obsessions. I be talking about a movie and he be talking about his movie as well. Sometimes we be talking about random stuff like he be talking about a movie he just saw not long ago and I’m telling him a story about what happened in school.

My husband and I show great affection to each other in our eyes, I don't know how an NT would interpret it.

I have only ever met 1 other  aspie in person, but I would like to meet others as I would be interested to know myself whether or not I get on with other aspies better or not.

Personal observation and opinion:  the Aspie's I know seem to make friends with highly empathetic and self-assured NT's with some Aspie triats more than each other.  Friends who don't take much as slights, and are very willing to let others be who they are.  Most of my husband and father's friends are not Aspie, that I can tell, although they may share one or two Aspie traits, and my son so far quite specifically can NOT relate to other children like him, because they get into too large a tug of war over whose ideas are going to rule (something I do think they will grow out of).  I think people look for a combination of things in friendships:  people who are like themselves in some ways, but also very specifically not like themselves in other ways.

I am very sorry to hear that you feel your co-worker could get fired over ruffling some feathers.  Surely he could use someone willing to be on his side.  Some companies place far too much emphasis on personality, and not enough on skill.  In your occupation, it seems to me, skill should be first.

I wouldn't feel a need to interpret it.  I would smile inside seeing you do that.  A couple locking eyes is a private and very special thing.

I get hurt by blunt comments whether from another Aspie or not but still think it's better to know where you are with someone than be backstabbed or ignored.

With a lot of jobs, too much emphasis is placed on social skills and not enough on work skills.

Here is what I have observed:  All around me, the majority of people invent "reasons", invent "meanings", and invent "motives", but these really are just inventions.  They have no solid evidence for their conclusiongs about other people, just inventions.  Since their brains are hard-wired in similar fashions, their inventions merely randomly happen to coincide a great deal.  When confronted with a differently hard-wired brain, these people refuse to admit that their little social inventions aren't knowledge.  Instead, they irrationally persist in believing their inventions and never bother to gather evidence or even go so far as to deny evidence if it is present.  Rather than admit to the possibility of non-infallibility, they cling to their inventions of "motive" or "meaning".

I also find that a bit hypocritical as the same people who make up these ads often don't take the time to learn how to interact properly with people who don't fit the social "norm".

I suspect a co-worker has Aspergers but I'd never suggest my suspicions to him as he would most likely get very angry.

He is in his 60's and complains a lot about various aspects of our work. He wants the rules to be followed to the letter but also says that there is a lot of hypocrisy and incompetence. He spends a lot of time telling whoever will listen about how bad the work procedures are are and how incompetent the bosses are.

He will tell the same bad joke over and over even when people tell him they have heard it lots of times before and don't think it is funny. It is one about a cat getting knocked by a car. He has his "pet" subjects which he will speak on at length and he does not notice when others are getting bored or wish to speak.

So I wonder if he might have Aspergers.?