I have Aspergers Syndrome diagnosed. But it is clear some people do not actually know how difficult that makes my life and my parents do not see things the same way as me. So is there any people on here that see things like me due to Aspergers that could give me any ideas what to do.
You need to be more specific about the things you find hard so we can give you strategies for those?
If you're looking for people with Asperger's, you've definitely come to the right place; there are plenty of us here.
What kind of things are you struggling with?
Anything new is scary, it's understandable you are having trouble.
Does your employer know about your Asperger's?
I am unable to make eye contact at all. I watch people's mouths because it helps me to understand speech. Some people have commented that I make good eye contact, but I am actually looking at the mouth, never the eyes. Maybe this could work for you.
When I'm looking at someone, I am looking at how big they are or how big their breasts are or something on them I like like the shirt they're wearing or their clothes or something on their face like a mole. I thought eye contact was looking at someone, not at their eyes.
If you look at a part of their face, for most people this is enough like eye contact that they will not notice it isn't really eye contact.
In your post, 19COMPUTERLADJOHN, you imply that you *prefer* not to get involved in social situations at all. Is this acurate?
I thought eye contact was looking at someone, not at their eyes.
I'm not sure, normal people seem to be able to look at each other, eye to eye, and pass signals that way. Recent studies (and, well, firsthand experience) show that Autistic brains *always* feedback eye contact as "Aggression" from the person making eye contact with them, hence we can't hold contact, or if we do, the signals they get back unerve them.
Here's my approach at making friends:
I don't come to them, I let them come to me, and flip the finger to anyone who thinks I'm retarded.
I usually sit and draw, trying to keep the drawing exposed enough that people can see that I am drawing from a distance and walk over to see what I am drawing. If you aren't an artist, you can try the same with writing. If you're not good at that either, you can just read a book. Eventually someone will notice you and ask about what you're reading, or tell you that they loved the book, too. That will eventually evolve into a conversation, and making friends is far easier once you have had a conversation with someone, and have a basic idea of what they're like.
Meiloyn, I knew a really pretty girl who was shy, and she was an amazing artist. Maybe she was Aspie. I dunno, I feel intimidated by pretty women for some reason. I think because of the way I was treated by them in public school, that if I try to interact with them, they'll just turn around, point, and giggle at me.
Actually, I'm in the same situation. (Just got redundant and still looking for new work.) Every job ad looks for someone with "Excellent People Skills" :roll: -- Capitals deliberate on my part.
Basically, its all about acting. Like playing a character or something. And making friends... I find that it's about getting with people who have the same interests as you. There are other people (even NTs) who like the same stuff you do, so you will have something in common.
yay. :skeub:
RANDOM INFORMATION YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW BUT I WILL WRITE ANYWAY.
For some reason, when I talk to a completely strange person such as asking a request of a service worker, I speak with a slight accent. It's not related to any foreign language. I just break the rules of English pronunciation by the slightest. I also seem to automatically fake a slightly cute, uptone.
But when I talk to people I do know, I have a lower voice (my normal voice sounds masculine) and I have the SLIGHT SLIGHT Polish accent I inherited from my mom, even though I know no Polish.
I have a slight growl/snarl/roar in my voice when I'm being larger-than-life, sarcastic, venemously angry, or hyper. Basically it sounds like a heavy metal guy's voice if he talked like way he sang, but female and more mild.
If you work in an office you could try using internal mail to get to know people - like, email or messaging if they have it.
I know I find it much easier to 'talk' to people if they're sitting at the other end of a network cable.
Fake it. Mask it. Control it.
I know it sounds tough and unreasonable. I don't look at eyes but in the general face area. I don't act like I'm worried or concerned about sitting alone and don't draw attention to myself. I normal just "Say a G'day or How's it going?" to people I'm going past and most people don't realise there is anything different to me. Of course I have to control stimming, talking to myself, talking about stuff that only interests me, etc. It is exhausting to do this day in day out but it can be done.
As horrible as it sound 99% of the population isn't autistic and whilst we work for them we have to make concessions for the behaviour and work practices of NT's
Does this help or hinder?
Faking it doesn't work for me. I can mask or control but eventually holding in all my true feelings leads to some kind of outburst or descending into a depressive state. There doesn't seem any real answer to this conundrum.
Mum used to say I should fake being interested in people so as I'd be more popular and this used to make me very angry but I now understand she wanted me to be happier in life.
Actually, I am interested in people but from a bit of a distance; kind of like watching characters on the TV or at the movies.
I'd rather BE alone, so I read the newspaper! I make good eye contact in some situations, as uncomfortable as I find it, because I know you're supposed to; that NT's see this as being honest. I have no idea what their eyes are telling me, but I do it anyways. I'm very relieved when the conversation ends.