Hi Louise.
I donīt think Iīve been ignoring you, I believe I have answered everything that was adressed to me. Besides, Iīm not on this forum all the time, so I may not have noticed your post right away, and Iīm sorry about that if I hurt your feelings in any way. That was certainly not my intention. However, youīre right in one thing though. I HAVE made my choice according to my daughter, and I donīt think you ought to compare human beings with stock shares. Itīs a lot more complicated than that. Life isnīt all in black and white and certainly not when it comes to human beings. I understand that youīre frustrated, but you need to understand that this is MY daughter weīre debatting about and nobody in this world knows her as well as I do, so if anyone should know whatīs best for her it ought to be me. You need to accept, that Iīve taken your advice as a note about what possibly COULD happen in the worst time scenario, and leave it like that. I find it very unpleasant that youīre so consistant and pushing, not accepting that I donīt follow your lead. I have choosen another path than yours and you need to deal with it and leave it alone. Now this can sound a bit harch, but I find your approach rather uncomfortable and I need to tell you. I didnīt come to this forum to harrass anybody and certainly not to be harrassed by anybody.
That is very well written DW. I absolutely agree, and that was exactly where I was trying to get at. Iīm just not as good at putting my thoughts and feelings into words as you are, without offending anybody. :roll:
To Louise I will say that with me starting the process getting my daughter diagnosed now, I already have to wait a considerable amount of time until it actually happens due to the year long waitinglists. So by the time it really happens I already have waited for quite some time, and offcourse I will ask my daughter if she feels ok with it before I perceed the process. I have no intention of forcing her into anything.
And to the last comment you made about NT parents I will just inform you, that I might not be as NT as you assume I am. Every test I took indicates otherwise. :wink:
Louise does that mean that you shouldnīt get your child diagnosed unless itīs a genious??? What about the children who are not that smart? Arenīt they intitled to a diagnose as well???
According to dyslexia that might indeed be a part of the issue with my daughterīs disability to learn. You see, thatīs why itīs so important to me to find out what is really her problem so that she can get the right kind of support. She canīt get that as long as noone really knows whatīs wrong and what to do about it. Iīm not saying she IS an aspie or that she HAS dyslexia, Iīm saying that Iīm trying to figure out what it might or might not be, so I can plan my strategy from that point. I have no IDEA whatīs wrong. Iīm just exploring the possibilities and gathering info about everything I can. But I still am determined to find out the truth! And Iīm sorry but that seems to me to be in the best interest of my daughter.
In fact I can compare myself to some kind of private investigator who is determined to solve a mystery. Wether or not Iīm going to be succesful I donīt know, but Iīm sure going to try. Now wether or not my "client" (my daughter) wants to pursue with the "lawsuit" (diagnosis) is most likely going to be based upon the facts.
My philosophy is to get justice according to truth/ fact.
Now wether thatīs french or not, I donīt care.
I donīt know how it is elsewhere, but in my house itīs the adult who is supposed to be parenting the child and not the other way around. And as long as the child is a minor itīs the adult that has to make the desitions about whatīs best for the child or not. If you let a kid control everything by them selves, there is going to be chaos. Should every kid NOT go to school just because they donīt want to??? NO!!! Because even though they donīt want to itīs for their own good!!! Otherwise they wonīt get the right equipment to manage in life, get a job and provide for themselves. We as parents know that, and have to take that desition for them as long as they are under our custody. Very few kids if ANY get out of school without having learnt at least a few things. And that to me is better than nothing!!!
DW_a_mom wrote:
I rather knew that the way Berit worded her post would get to you. But, when it comes to describing the job of a parent, she is basically right.
Don't assume that her saying it is her job to make decisions for her child means that she won't consider the feelings and concerns of her child, nor that she won't try to figure out how her child feels about it.
I consult my son all the time. How he feels has enormous influence on my decisions. But, yes, they remain MY decisions. I know quite a bit that he doesn't, and I am charged with the job of using that information to benefit him. It's my job, not his.
My kids know I have the final say. They know they have a voice, but they know that I'm in charge. That is the way it's supposed to. If the kids were in control they'd eat themselves sick on junk, destroy the house, not do a shred of homework, and would never make it anywhere on time.
It does sound rather unpleasant from the other side, though, doesn't it?
But, seriously, and I know this because I'm a rather lax parent, kids are happier when mom is in charge. They really are.
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And thatīs exactly my point of wiew as well.
Although, I had to smile a little when I read Louises comment. Louise, you are truly seing this from a childs point of wiew, and I do have respect for your insight. You are still very young yourself, and so it is natural for you to still be a rebellic teenager. :grin: When I grew up i thought that life sucked and that my parents were unfairly strict with me. Thatīs natural, but as I grew into an adult and got kids on my own I started to understand better my parentsī side of it all, and appreciate the choices they made for me, and why they did how they did. Youīre still young and have a lot more to experience in life. Maybe one day when you find yourself standing with a child of your own in your hands you will learn to appreciate and understand what parenting is all about. I really hope so for you. It canīt be healthy to go around with so much hate and bitterness built up inside you.
I really feel sorry for you, and if you were my kid, I wouldnīt hesitate to give you a big HUG cuz I think you diserve it!! Now look at me, Iīm actually sitting here sobbing like a proud parent out of respect for your engagement in the matter, even though you have really tested my patience :roll: You are a sweet girl, I have to give you that! Any politician would be happy to have you as a campain manager :grin:
BIG HUG to you and I hope youīll be able to see past our differences. Who knows, maybe youīll actually make a friend???
Sorry you tought I was being patronising,Louise, cuz I was not. I was being truthful. Well I guess I donīt feel welcome here and am going to leave this forum. There has only been one single person who has treated me nicely,And thatīs DW. Others have just been on my case all the time mocking me, calling me Hitler and all kinds of bad stuff and I donīt need that. So sorry to bother you with my existance and have a nice life.
My son is 7 and was diagnosed AS a year ago.
When we took him for assesment we told him that we were going to see a special doctor who could help us understand why he got so upset sometimes (our main problem at the time) - he was happy with this. The psychiatrist was experienced with children and the process was pretty painless for us all.....now our NT daughter complains that she wants to go too because her brother likes his appointments so much!
Try not to show your anxiety before the appointment as you child will pick up on it.
I'm an adult Aspie who was never diagnosed as a child. A diagnosis wasn't available, and no one knew what was wrong with me, although everyone agreed something was wrong. (I use the word 'wrong' here because that's what they would have used. I know not everyone thinks Asperger's is a problem.)
As human beings, we all want to seek answers and label things. I would like to warn you that doing so, in this case, may not be a good idea. In this case, a label can and will be used as an excuse- subconsciously or consciously. My childhood as an undiagnosed Aspie was extremely painful for me. People expected me to be able to do certain things with ease, when I found them difficult or impossible. I was constantly challenged and pushed to overcome the obstacles that stood in my way. I was ripped unceremoniously out of my shell, and I was utterly miserable, but in the end, I WAS BETTER FOR IT.
My parents presented me with challenges that many might think no Aspie should endure. At age 13, I was sent to live in Tokyo, Japan for two months WITHOUT MY FAMILY. (I'm Canadian, from a small town in the north, and I'm white.) All I had was a fifteen-year-old roommate from Texas. I had to do everything for myself. I had to talk to people and work and find my way around the city and shop for food and get my laundry done.
My parents were TERRIFIED, but it was the best thing they could possibly have done for me. Just like immersing yourself in a language is, by far, the best way to learn it, the best way for me to learn to cope with the world was being forced into it.
I still struggle with many of my Asperger's traits, but I can control most of them. I have a long-time sweetheart, I'm an educated person, and at the age of 27, I hold a municipal political position. Yes, I ran in a public election and I won.
In some ways I resent my loss of some of the positive aspects of Asperger's, but when it comes down to it, the world is NOT made for Aspies. No matter how hard we try, it will NEVER accept us. That's not a very popular idea around here but I believe it is the cold, hard truth.
The best thing you can do for your daughter is pretend she's perfectly normal and force her to adapt.
Hi ,
I am also a new mom on the forum as well and am from muswellbrook australia. I have a 12year old son whom was dignosed only 2years ago with PDDNOS what a huge relief to have a name 4 what my beautiful son ha dwrong with him. At the age of 6 i was finally refered to a paediatrician and he was diagnosed there with ADD, not wanting to use drugs as therapy with him i researched and trialed food elimination diets etc but to no avail. 6mths later and desperate to help him i found myself back at the specialist and agreeing to trial the ritalin LA.
Although this helped dramatically with his concentration i felt that when it wore off my son was really aggro and found it dificult to gain weight.I still kept him on it 4 12months to see if things would improve,they didnt so i took him off the meds and stopped seeing the doc.The final straw was 2 years ago when i was called to his school yet again to discuss his bad behaviour .His teacher went on to let me knuw that his attention was getting worse and that he was becoming aggressive towards his peers and thought it may be some problems at home! Of course i burst with anger and let out the flood gates .
Next meeting was with the school counseller headmaster etc to see how to tackle this problem, from there we wrote down on a chart all his behaviours and i saw another doctor and followed it up armed with all the info from school and home it took 3worksheets and only half an hour to diagnose him.
I guess i can only suggest that you speak to your daughters school teacher and ask for her to assess her and do what i did and DONT GIVE UP OR TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!
Hopefully this will help you on your way to helping your little girl a bit earlier than it did 4 me .take care and chat anytime you like what a relief it is to finally find a forum 4 parents as well as these beautiful kids regards sharon