Aspies For Freedom

NOTE:  This is not going to be a criticism of anybody on here (though maybe some people on some other sites would be criticized by what I'm about to say).

I am just learning about the experiences of "NT" people parenting autistic spectrum children, and even people considered "higher-functioning" autistics parenting children considered as "lower-functioning" autistics (I say "considered as" becos I think those terms are misleading and often false, but that's been discussed elsewhere).

Being, as far as I know, an aspie raised by 2 other aspies, and not yet having had children of any kind ever, those situations are a foreign experience for me.

So I just wanted to point out something I was noticing.  Maybe this was obvious to everyone else already.  That happens to me sometimes.  Anyway...

There was a nice posting just now from a lady who is very proud of her autistic son.  So it got me thinking.

I was noticing that some people find more frustrations than others in raising (and caring for, and understanding) their autistic kids, maybe when there are bigger disconnects in communication, or the kid does more things that the parent doesn't understand (the kid has a reason, but how to know what the reason is?).  This doesn't mean that they love them any less, or won't experience pride in them.

The fact that SOME parents choose to love less the children whom they have more frustrations raising, and even almost say so on documentaries, does not mean that the people who come here full of puzzlement and frustration don't love their kids and think their kids are perfect[*].  After all, NT parents come here to try and get help understanding their kids, so that their kids can at least have an environment of understanding and acceptance at home, even if the outside world will never be gentle with people like us.

[*Due to my philosophical/doctrinal beliefs about human nature, I would have a problem calling any human person \"perfect\", but I realize that parents have a special affectionate meaning when they say this.]

I donno what else I meant to say here; it just seemed important to point that out.  Sometimes we have to point out something good, right?  I have not read all the postings in Parents section, but it seems like all the parents that I have read here love and even accept their autistic children, whether they feel frustrated and confused or not. Oh, that goes for most of the parent blogs I have read, too (because they were mostly in AutismHub).

PS: It seems that in general, people who are the same neurotype (or similar) as their kids, also feel frustrations during parenting, and still love their kids a lot.

PS2:  It's sad that a lot of the teen and adult autistics here did not have parents who either understood them because of being similar to them, or who accepted them as different and tried to understand them.   And some people may have life-long suffering because of this.  
But we have to note that it's good for the newer generation of autistic kids each time more parents start to think differently.  And in fact I have seen (maybe in a chat?) sometimes people say to the concerned parent "I wish my parents had cared like you did, to try and understand me!"

Sometimes, people do act as they ought to.  It's a nice surprise.

Hi Natalia,

I admit when I first found out about my son having ASD 3 months ago, I was very confused and heartbroken. For about a month I would cry myself to sleep worrying about him and what will happen to him when he grows up.

However, one day I snapped out of it! I thought to myself:

"I loved my child from the minute he was born, he is still the same person that I know and love, he hasn't changed! It is only that he has a label now, that's all that has changed. Why should I hold myself prisoner to what other people think? My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will make sure that I never make him feel as though he is any less than any other so-called 'normal' human being."

When people say to me "I am so sorry for what you are going through" (because of the new found 'label') I say don't be sorry at all. There are children that don't have food to eat, there are children that get abused and given up and moved from foster home to foster home because of instabilities in their parents.
My son gets fed, has a roof over his head, has 2 loving parents and loving grandparents, and is always HAPPY. He has the cold right now, but is still happily playing with his blocks. In whatever way he sees the world, as long as he is happy is all that matters.

I really hope that all parents of an ASD or AS child see what a blessing they have. Support is what these children need, not to try and be changed to someone they are not.

I am so glad to be chatting to people that know what it is like to have AS/ASD. You are all great.  :grin:

I think most parents (including myself :roll: ,)  forget to brag on their kids.  Normally we don't post alot unless we are having a problem or just something we do not understand.   My 13 yr old is great!!  He is so smart and so funny, most of the time he and I are the only 2 to get any of "our" jokes.  But I forget sometimes what is was like to be his age.  So I post, and others remind me.  Then I think    'Lord, How could I have forgotten that!!!'   That is one reason why I like to come to forums like this, to remind me.  Sometimes I get to self-centered, and have to be reminded that I AM NOT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!   :shock:  :!:

Anyway....THANK YOU...for reminding me again how GREAT my son is.

Hey trollette, anytime! I think sometimes we need others that are "outside the square" to remind us how blessed we are, and that our experiences can only make us stronger. I think we can all learn from each other. I have certainly learnt a lot already from this forum.  :grin: