Hello Aspie parents, I'm new to the board. I have a son who was recently diagnosed with ASD and I thought I'd share some things I've learned lately and ideas that may help other parents.
I think one of the things I have to be constantly reminded of is that my son honestly doesn't understand that he is bothering other people by his behaviors. Most of the time, he doesn't do this intentionally, but I, as the parent, have to be reminded that he's not doing it on purpose. I get upset with him, and have to stop and think, and realize it's really my problem, not his. I have to take a step back and analyze the situation, then rationally explain to him what is going on and how his behavior affects others.
The other thing I'd like to contribute is that I created a "Mommy's Treasure Box". I used this with both my ASD child and daughter who is not affected. I decided if teachers can use this method, maybe it would influence my ASD child's behavior for school. I will have to come back later and give you an update since I've just began to use this method. I put very inexpensive items in the box that get my son's attention. Small, inexpensive items have been placed in the box. The first week was very exciting for him, and he has something to look forward to by good behavior at school for the week. The last week has been exceptional for my son. He has taken responsiblility to dress himself for school, bring his bookbag out of his room in the morning, make his bed wonderfully, and even attempt/make his own breakfast. He is ten years old. I'm thrilled by this progress.
I hope my contribution helps someone else out there. I look forward to any responses.
My personal identity is that I AM MATT'S MOM, and PROUD OF IT.
Please get some help, you need it apparently. I'm not looking for problems, just a website where I can correspond with other Aspie parents. You are obviously not an Aspie parent, and you will never stop me from coming to this site and corresponding with other people in similar situations.
I won't let this negative post bother me. I appreciate your reply, and I KNOW there are positive posters here as I have corresponded briefly with a few of them. I've talked with a few Aspies and Aspie parents, but I'm still new here, and I will learn and contribute if I can. Thank you again.
I want to thank the posters who gave me the nice welcome. I only want to contribute positive posts and don't feel a need to get into a war with a harrassing poster. I don't have to defend anything I said, as I said nothing wrong.
Not all NT parents of aspie kids are bad, selfish, or ignorant. Many are trying as hard as they can to give their children the support they need. However, many others, such as the ones that support Autism Speaks, are so fed up with their children's tantrums and odd behaviors that all they ever want to do is cure them. Sometimes even abort them. They want their children to be completely normal. That is when you can say they are bad parents.[/b]
It's about f****** time someone gave me a curse laden post. Someone finally gets that telling me what I'm missing by not inviting a valueable new suburban *** will do no good whatsoever. You people should have realized this before; would have saved you a lot of time. I dislike the age factor being used against me, but this was the response that I wanted. I honestly pissed you off. And with that, I give myself a well deserved pat on the back, a flip of my middle finger, and a fine good day to you all on this horribly ****** up forum.
AHA! And you said you weren't trolling! When you post looking for a solid, negative, pissed-off, *** reaction, THAT is trolling.
But, hey, I'm glad you finally found what you were looking for. All's right in the world again, then.
Sorry I just couldn't do it for you, but there aren't many swear words in my vocabulary (not that I've never heard them, and not that I don't understand them, I just don't seem to be able to gather any desire to use them). A personal deficit of mine, I guess.
more half-bloods (NT-Aspie hybrids) to terrorise. I bid you aduei.
What on earth is an NT-Aspie hybrid half-blood? I think somebody's been reading too much Harry Potter...
Alison
I actually took this as intentionally reflecting Harry Potter. Of course, I like Harry Potter. I read them to my son.
I can only say, Apsergiakidd, that there is a reason teens are not generally called upon to be parents (and when they do they generally aren't very good at it). It is part of where you are in life to see things as you do, and it serves a purpose to rant as you do (yes, I read and I absorbed), but you don't know how to raise a child. You think you do, but you don't. Still, the rants provide some useful reminders. Every generation, in the desire to not do what their parents did, has a tendency to go too far in the opposite direction, and listening to you serves as reminder that it is better to pull into the center.
But, I believe, neither Mattsmom nor I are making the mistakes you believe we are. I don't know her that well yet, because you all have been too busy highjacking the thread for her to post anything meaningful, but she hasn't said nearly enough for you to jump into the conclusions you have. You are, simply, being prejudiced and making assumptions. That is dangerous, and wrong.
Please note, that if the teens here continue to try and chase away all new parents that want to join this board, I WILL ask that this board be declared for parents ONLY. I would hate to go there, because I actually think the child' perspective is important on many issues I may face as a parent, but why have a "parents" board if you don't think us parents can be valuable members here? Yes, I am more NT than not (some Apsie traits; not enough to "be" Aspie). Yes, at times I've annoyed many here. But I contribute to this community in a positve way far more often than I detract from it, I truly believe, or I would have left long ago. You need my perspective just as much as I need yours.
This community is about much more than the needs of two teens to vent their frustrations with adults and NT adults in particular. No two people should ever be allowed to ruin the broader mission, no matter how great their need. So, vent this stuff on your own board, NOT MINE.
(Cue score for "Father and Son" by Cat Stevens - that alone dates me!)
LOVE that song! Remember it well from my teen years ...
DW_A_MOM your posts in this thread have been completely insulting. You just write off opinions that are extreme or aren't yours to age. People like you make people wish their life away just to be taken seriously.
We are trying to prevent you from doing well-meaning things that for your child might be abject torture but if you are just going to say 'stop criticising us' each time we question the standard of your parental instincts communication is going to break down. This is an aspie forum, you aren't going to get people's views presented in a tactful and respectful manner if it is something they are passionate about.
Being a mother of an aspie is MUCH HARDER than being the mother of a normal child if you are not on the spectrum yourself. This means you cannot 'trust your instincts' and mum doesn't always know best. If we say something is bad parenting it isn't to pull you down, its to underline, emphasise, and put across as intensely as we possibly can that this is a bad line of action. Your best response if you think you are right is to give us more information about your child to support your decision, not say 'well I'm sorry your situation was like that but you know nothing about mine'. That is just more frustrating.
I don't know what the troller was on about but your belittlement of teenagers made me extremely angry.
Sorry, I think my frustration with certain people was showing in my posts here. As for pointing out age, that was actually recommended to me by admin as a way of letting a newer member know that what they were receiving was venting, and not advice. Louise, you do not post like the teens I was referring to, and I have found your perspective on things useful. Please don't extend what I said to them, in frustration, to yourself or to other younger members on this forum that I have come to like and respect.
Well I am 18 so maybe my communication style is a little more 'in tune' with parents than when I was younger.
I disagree with you though. I only ever took one big decision on the advice of someone else (a teacher) and I have hated myself since for it. It was the wrong one. When following what I think, I have always been right.
When it comes to daily things, I know (and have always known) what is good for me. Whether I do it or not is another matter but if teens were the only ones who ate too much *** and did too little exercise there wouldn't be the obesity problem there is in the uk.
Ultimately I know me best and I know whats good for me.
Edit: and btw I was done with puberty by 14.
In my experience, anytime someone follows advice from another against their own better instincts, they get it wrong. Ultimately, each individual really IS in the best position to make decisions for themselves.
Advice does have it's place, though. It's a way of gathering ideas to evaluate and think about. And it's useful for things that require expertise you don't desire to acquire yourself (taking the advice of a mechanic, for example). But, even then, if your gut is crying out, "bad advice!" you should trust yourself.
Instinct is not always going to be perfect, especially when it comes to parenting. But it's the only defense I have against advice and ideas that don't fit. I have to use it.
I have looked back on a lot of advice I received as a teen, but rejected at the time, as carrying a lot of wisdom. But, some things simply must be learned for oneself, by oneself. The process alone has value. We learn so much from it. Wisdom is something we each acquire for ourselves, no matter how hard those who have "been there, done that" try to hand it to us.
You are on a solid journey, Louise. Enjoy it.
And try to allow us to look back from our positions in the road and give ourselves credit that we've learned something along the way.
Ultimately I know me best and I know whats good for me.
Good for you. I've been 18 twice now and I wouldn't have the confidence to risk saying (in blanket fashion) that I knew what is good for me... since I have learned that, although I know more than many... I know so very little. The more I learn the more I realise how little I know.
Come my next birthday I'll have been 16 three times :lol:
Celtgirl, I wish I had more time to go through all this with you in depth, but I don't, so I'll keep it brief.
Behavior problems tend to be a child trying to tell the adults around him that something is wrong. It may well be that your son feels missunderstood and is having sensory stimulation issues, all of which are likely to create an overall level of frustration for him.
Generally, if a doctor says something is "like" autism, they mean the child is on the spectrum but not exhibiting obvious enough characteristics to be considered autistic. The problem with that diagnosis is that it isn't likely to get your services, while an actual diagnosis of autism is.
Your son sounds like he needs special accomodations at school. Is he getting extra help at all? Are the teachers making any special allowances for potential sensory issues, like exempting him from certain overstimulating activities?
Cafeterias may well be stressful places for your child. Noisy and disorderly.
My approach with my son has been to find the triggers, determine why they are triggers, and then help him avoid those triggers. It has made a world of difference.
It does sound like a change of soccer teams is in order. I just affected one for my son. He actually had a very nice and understanding coach, but not a single child on the team was familiar, and some of them were mimicking my son's poor playing, which hurt his feelings. He was very upset about it all. So, we talked to a bunch of people and now my son is playing on a team that is 75% kids from his school and with a coach who knows him well. He is thrilled.
Best of luck to you, and I hope you will keep posting.