Aspies For Freedom

Hmmm ... Subatai_baadur and AspergiaKidd, I wonder why you come to  a forum that is for Parents, since you don't seem to have much interest in how parents think and feel at this point in your lives.  I don't read your board simply because I don't have the same interests, concerns or issues.  So, why do you want to jump in on mine?

Not that we aren't interested in your views and how you think, we are, and we do get that elsewhere on this forum.  But as far as us parents being criticized, I think we'll get enough battering from our own teens when the time comes.  Yes, I know - it's the JOB of teens to be mean to parents, and I'm all for you ranting against the evils of parents on YOUR board.

Still, when you think you can be helpful, I'll welcome your participation here.  

As for Mattsmom's screen name, that is a common style in parenting forums.  Yes, we are proud of being mom's (shouldn't we be?  don't you think your own mom's have done an important job?), and it's also the simple reality that getting a screen name with our own first names is often impossible, so you go to the next thing you can think of.  It may lack creativity (as my lame screen name does) but it says nothing about lack of identity.

MATTSMOM!  Welcome!  My son is just one year younger than yours so I'm sure there is lots we can share.  I haven't heard of the treasure box, but my son has so much stuff already I'm not sure I can entice him that way.  Still, I'd like to hear more, just in case I've assumed wrong!

We start school next week, and my son is looking forward to it.  With day camp all summer he has been FANTASTIC about getting ready every morning, so I am hopefull that will continue as school starts.  He generally likes school, and usually if he starts to avoid going it's a good sign something is wrong (teasing, poor class structure, trouble absorbing a current lesson, etc).  I'm a little worried about this year, because odds are he'll have a teacher that is new to the school, and who knows how well that teacher will be able to read my child and address his needs.  Fingers crossed!  And my full attention to the signs (to the teens listening in, they tell me to help my son fix the problem, they don't tell me to fix HIM!).

Anyway, nice to meet you, and welcome!

AspergiaKidd, no, you haven't lost.  I appreciate (a) your trying to clarify yourself and (b) what I THINK (can't always tell on the internet!) was being funny.

I think you are wrong to make so many assumptions about our new member, however.  I don't see anything in her posts that indicates the "militance of converting her son into a conformer."  I do see a desire to teach some basic skills and responsibility, like dressing yourself and becoming aware of how your actions affect others, but what is wrong with those?  She didn't say he had to STOP his more unusual actions; she said she is teaching him to UNDERSTAND how they affect others.  What he does with that understanding would be up to him, would't it?  Basically, it looks to me like you read a lot into a few simple statements; I've read into them, too, in a different way.  How one reads between the lines says a lot more about the readers personal history than it does about the person who wrote the lines, however.

As for when support is good and when it's bad, that varies a lot by the individual.  A good parent, I believe, is always trying to read their child and get a sense of if that child needs support, or would do better alone.  My son freaks out when I push him to independence too much; there are times I do it anyway, but I've carefully evaluated if I really think he is ready first.  We've gone two steps back against one step forward in his life far too often, and I prefer not to do that again.

I spend a lot of time at my son's school, and I hope I would know if it wasn't a good environment for him.  I realize there are more bad schools than good ones, when it comes to understanding Aspie kids, but overall I really think my son has a good one.  Key indicator number 1:  he is HAPPY.

I worry about Junior High and High School, though.  Those are trying times for any child, and I would expect more so for an Aspie.  I only hope I can help make choices that will keep him happy, and not force him into the anger so many of you have.

Anyway, sharing your personal story is useful for parents.  Thanks for doing a bit of that.

WHERE do you get this stuff?  I never used the word ban.  I just suggested maybe this wasn't the board for you ... and not because you don't have a child, but because you don't care what issues a parent might face.

My child is NOT a brat, thank you.

You cannot assume that Matt is having the same negative experiences you have had.  My son certainly has not.  I have a HAPPY child (no, I am NOT pretending; I CAN tell the difference); you are obviously NOT happy.  While I wish your experiences had been different, you cannot blame them on US.

Suburban bitches do exist, but you don't have any evidence to indicate our new member is one of them.  That conclusion is as unfair as any negative conclusion ever thrown at you by society.

NO mom thinks it's fun to watch her child get insulted by society.

Sigh.  You have a great mind.  I wish you could let go of this anger.  You, too, are reading far too much between the lines ... and that is telling of you and your experience, not of her and hers.

I am sorry about this, for it seems you cannot be happy without trying to make others miserable.

Your other observations are simply not correct.  They may be how you have perceived things in your live, but they are certainly not universal.  I was not a miserable child and I am not raising miserable children.

I can only conclude that you really do WANT to chase away any new parents that come to this forum, and that is sad indeed, for in doing so you lose a great opportunity to make yourself heard, potentially in a positive way.

Sorry, Mattsmom, for spending so much time on your welcome thread trying to have a conversation with teens intent on spending the day trolling (somehow I remain under the delusion that one might actually, occassionally, get something useful from something I have to say).  Oh my, I am NOT looking forward to when my kids are teens!  Although, I really do think my son (my Aspie child) will be OK.  It's my daughter (NT) I've always worried more about, when it comes to teen years, for the good old negative mother-daughter dynamic that is SURE to come into play.  Well, with any luck our children will have positive life experiences and not fall prey to anger, at least.

Noctivagus, nice to meet you!  I look forward to hearing more from you.  As a parent on the spectrum yourself, I am sure there is a lot of useful insight you can give me!

Oh good!  I love the "goodbye I'll never post again" melodramatic emails!  They're so funny to read, I always get a good laugh out of them.  
Alison

What on earth is an NT-Aspie hybrid half-blood?  I think somebody's been reading too much Harry Potter...
Alison

Me too! :oops:
Alison

i'm probably going to have someone throw obsenities at me for saying this, but as an adult with Asperger's, who had a very difficult childhood, I am not sure what is being objected to. That human beings are still reproducing, in the traditional way instead of in bottles like Brave New World? That children are still being raised by parents instead of state institutions? That some parents care enough about their children to want to take care of them properly, rather than abuse and neglect them?That somebody used a "wrong" username? After watching this, I am not about to go into the chatroom,because I don't enjoy being screamed obsenities at, and I am wondering whether I should be here at all, because I might fail to live up to somebodies standards of perfection. Even tho i'm apparently one of the people this site was created for. Sorry, but i can only tolerate so much craziness and abuse.  :roll:

And one more thing-as a woman who has been called "***" and "ho" i consider these words to be highly abusive. And there seems to be a problem with mothers here.problem with women? :evil:

I have some sympathy for the trolls. They have obviously suffered the tortures of Hell, and been terribly damaged by what has happened to them.i don't see how yelling insults at people who are trying to do right by their own children fixes anything.if your parents screwed up, spit on their graves, or tell them how much you hate them. I'm sorry parents who are trying to do right by their kids, and have enough sense and courage to ask for help, are being subjected to this. Thanks,Noctivagus. Best wishes, DW and Mattsmom. :smile:

I have come to learn that often people who have such extreme views really, as has been said, have been through Hell and back. There is a reason why they arrived at the conclusions they arrived at, you can bet its a pretty big reason. So if you have been through what theyve been through in that context, it would make perfect sense, having probably borned the brunt of the other extreme So their actions are understandable-- although i am not sure completely excusable.

And there are those who have seen the backside of Hell and wiped it's bottom for it, and we still manage to act reasonably and rationally.  I really think we have to take into account the respective ages of the posters.  Such rage as was expressed is far more likely in teenage males, whether AS or NT.  As the hormonal wars of puberty settle down, so to do the ideas and angst.
Alison
(Cue score for "Father and Son" by Cat Stevens - that alone dates me!)

Well at least they're acting their age.  :wink:

Me too.  I really like "Matthew and Son" as well; it's got such a great bouncy tune even though the lyrics are so grim.  "They've got people working for fifty years, nobody asks for more money, cause nobody dares, even though they're paid very low and their rent's in arrears..."

But I can't listen to "Remember the Days of the Old School Yard".  My school years were particularly grim, and I can't believe those people who say: "school was the best time of my life."  I can still get nightmares about it so many years after the fact.  Post-traumatic stress, probably.

Alison