I am taking a math class and there is a man in my class who displays strikingly autistic tendencies. I had amusedly watched his behavior for three weeks, and I was sure that he is on the spectrum. However, I went to ask him about it and told him of my own autism (he did not deny being autistic, just looked at me suspiciously). I hope that I have not offended him by mentioning it in public. I mention my own because I am not ashamed of it or stigmatized. Should I approach a second time or let it alone? Would any of you be angry or hurt by my introduction if it were you I had approached? This makes me sad because I would very much like to know someone like myself.
I would leave it alone because you dont know if it hurt him or not. And it's also a unusal question to ask someone if you havent met them before. Maybe you can find out if you try to be friends with him, like sit next to him and get to know him a little more. And while in that process dont mention it again unless he says something about it, well thats what i would do at least.
Thank you for your advice. I certainly meant no offense, but my social protocol is unusual. I will let it alone.
If you're concerned about offending him or freaking him out, why not say so? It's probable he was wierded out by a stranger talking to him, I know I would be, give him a hi every so often and let him get used to you. He could also be paranoid from mistreatment.
It's so tempting, isn't it, when you see someone you just know is an autie, to ask them and so not feel quite so alone yourself. Unfortunately, that can backfire horribly as people can be at different stages of discovery and acceptance.
What I've done in a similar situation is talk about my nephews (3 and 4, one HFA, one "complicated") as a way of seeing what people's reactions to the whole autism thing are, and then moving on to talking about me if they seem OK with it. If people want to open up then they will in that sort of a conversation, and it's not trying to force a confidence that the other person might not want to give.
I was wondering about this today, not only Asperger's in trying to form relationships with other Aspie strangers, but forming relationships with people in general.
I tend to have this paranoid view, that once someone finds out I'm Aspie..either they'll think I'm "retarded" or that I'm a freak. I know this is negative self-defeatist views, so if anyone is offended sorry..it's really an issue with me.
Like, I went to Cirque Du Soleil the other day, and was sitting next to someone, who I assumed was pregnant. You know, these days..it's like you have to be really sure, that the woman is pregnant and not just fat..or boy howdy, trouble. I was thinking to myself, "Good lord if I do something Aspieish and she turns around and starts acting like I'm going to make her embryo "retarded" by being near me I'll.."
Nothing happened, but you know I have this saying. Never underestimate the ignorance and stupidity of others. I don't mean this in that most people are stupid and ignorant, but I mean it in..I really can't let myself be shocked at the sheer lack of tact some people have. So I pretty much now am half-surprised if someone has basic morals and compassion. I have depression and was a Goth in high school, I think that might explain my misanthropic attitude. As well as my high school experiences.
I think it really isn't that I hate people, as much as I feel I have to always be on my guard around them..because who knows what they might say, especially about someone with a disorder. It's really quite rediculous, someone is in a wheelchair and everyone feels sorry for them, someone has a non-visable disability and it's "Oh you're looking for pity" "You're just making it up" "You can't be suffering you're walking, talking, how can you be suffering when people have Cancer..ect ect"
I think that's my main issue with discussing Asperger's with strangers, is that people really will be adamant in assuming that someone who may be able to talk with them, and present a relatively functional self cannot have problems.
You know, how about people start having empathy for people with non-visual disorders? How about if someone says, I have sensitivity to loud-noises, they move themselves, their child, and or balloon somewhere else. Instead of advocating for their most likely NT brat, I doubt they'd behave that way if someone was in a wheelchair and told them the same thing.
Sometimes it's like I want to have a t-shirt or bracelet that says, "You don't need a wheelchair, to know suffering". Sure, people would probaly be offended by it..I assume, because anything even the least subversive seems to send NTs into a tailspin.
Finally it's one thing if it only was teenagers who did this, but adults? What ever happened to expecting adults to act like adults? No wonder their daughters are such %$%&^&&s in high school, their moms are running around talking behind their friends backs as if they're not people but objects. I think this might be the route of moral decline in society, we're letting adults act like temper-tantrum throwing kids. There is no expectation anymore for civil behaviour in public, anything goes..no matter how crass.
By the way I am American, and I'm not sure if this is true in England. Whenever I see people from England, they all seem so much more politer than Americans. I was thinking about that the other day, and imagining if I said that to someone who was British, they'd probaly tell me to go to the local pub and see how "civilized" everyone acts there. lol.
I think that you guys are right about being cautious. I will be more cautious next time, but I think I will continue to try to reach out. After all, I have good news--the man whom I approached has taken to saying hello to me and smiling every time we pass, and I am the only person in our class that he interacts with. I think I managed to communicate my harmless intentions correctly for once..... :grin:
I think that you guys are right about being cautious. I will be more cautious next time, but I think I will continue to try to reach out. After all, I have good news--the man whom I approached has taken to saying hello to me and smiling every time we pass, and I am the only person in our class that he interacts with. I think I managed to communicate my harmless intentions correctly for once..... :grin:
That's cool :smile:
And I suppose once you make friends with him, then you can talk about whatever you want to, can't you?!