Aspies For Freedom

I dont think Trevor (age 6) has just ADHD. Here is what we are going thru:

He is very moody.

He over reacts to everything if we tell him no on something he goes into a rage throwing himself on the floor or against the wall yelling and screaming and saying mean things, or he will begin to throw things around. Everything and anything will start a fit.

Everything is an argument! I mean everything with everyone!

He is smelling everything, even if he touches something he has to smell his hands. This is anywhere we are.

He constantly plays in his hair and sucks his tounge (sp?).

He gets ingrossed in cartoons and has to watch the same ones every morning or he gets really upset!

He can not tie his shoes no matter how many times we show him (this may be normal kid though).

He was never flushing the toilet, so we drew him a cartoon with a him coming in  going potty then flushing the toilet and going back to play. Now he always flushes the toilet. Seems to respond to visual more than verbal.

You can tell him something a million times and he just wont get it.

When we put him on time out it will be for 5 minutes starting when he is quiet. He will and has carried on for hours screaming that he will be there forever and ever, no matter how many times we tell him when he is quiet he can get up he carried on for hours.

He has trouble with eye contact and also when he is in trouble he laughs or smiles like he does not care.

He can read and reads well. He can add small numbers. He is not stupid, he is actually very smart. Sometimes he sounds so intellegent and others he just seems out there, in his own world. Heplayes better with younger children than he does older or of his own age.

He does have trouble expressing himself and if he cant get his point across he sometimes will push or shove his brothers and sisters.

I am at a loss, trying to get in with a DR but wondering if anyone has any ideas.

I had the same problem with my daughter she was 10 before she would flush the toliet, the sound of it flushing freaked her out, my husband finally with alot of trying times got her to do it. She was also about 9 before she started tying her shoes herself, her older brother and younger brother sat down with her  for about 4 hours doing it over and over and over and over again, with a lot of patience and hard work she learned to tie them.
there are still things we would love to teach her to do that she just doesn't want to learn, so we pick our battles; my husband wants her to ride a bike so bad he can hardly stand it but she flat refuses to do it. to her she everything she does has to have a relevance to it, she stumped her Dad one day at the store when he said, Haley, why don't we buy you a bike today, and she answered Dad, why do i HAVE to ride a bike? I walk just fine and I can run, he tried to tell her how much fun it would be etc...
to no avail, so she is now 12 and still hasn't seen any reason she would need to learn to ride a bike.
There are times when I feel almost sorry for her like when she is invited to a skating party, she doesn't skate well and isn't comfortable on them but she doesn't care that everyone else is "skating circles " around her, she is just as happy to skoot around the wall.
She does like to swim and bowl so we try to keep her busy doing things she does enjoy.
It will take time but eventually he will get the hang of it. Julia

My son was given a tentative diagnosis through the SST / IEP process at his elementary school.  Now that your son is 6, if he is in public school, this may be a free resource you can access, although the ability to offer a quality assessment varies widely from district to district.  I only know that ours was excellent.  The diagnosis remains tentative, because the district professionals are not doctors, they simply have the ability to offer an assessment that can qualify a child for accomodations and services at the school.  Which has been enough for us.

Because my son is most likely mild Aspergers, I honestly believe it would have been difficult to get an accurate diagnosis at an early age.  Too many of his Aspie traits just aren't that odd when seen in a toddler.  But in a 6 year old - they began to take on significance.  And to affect his ability to perform in school.  Even though my son is very bright, certain areas are a huge struggle for him.  The school saw this, too, and thus was willing to work with us when we asked that my son get a formal assessment for special education qualification.  We did have to ask for it; my son's issues weren't significant enough for the school to offer.  They've been glad we asked, though.

My son, now 9, still can't tie his shoes, although his 5 year old sister ties hers.  In part, he figures that as long as velcro and slip ons exist, it isn't that important.

He has finally decided he wants to ride a bike without training wheels, though.  No idea what changed his mind!  My husband is really enjoying shopping for bikes with my son now.  Small blessings.  Funny, isn't it?

I really resisted the Asperger's label at first because I was locked into some old ideas about what it meant.  However, as I've learned more, and have applied what I've learned to how I interact with my son, things at home and at school simply keep getting better for all of us.  The road map works.  Does anything else matter?

Oh yes, that one. I kept on getting into bad trouble when I was younger because this was my reaction to being told off. It was nothing whatsoever to do with finding it funny, not caring, or not taking things in: it was simply a response to a conflict situation. Not in the sense of laughing things off to reduce tension - it was laughter/smiling that wasn't connected with "funny", or anything that an NT would associate it with, hence the reason I kept on getting into trouble, and why it's so difficult to explain, even now.

Oh my, my son, too!  He has two frequent responses to situations he doesn't want to face, and laughing one of them.  Please don't hate me for saying this but he is like a different child at those moments.  The look in his eyes change.   I basically stare him down, have him remain in the same place, until I see the demeanor change to where I believe we can have a valid conversation about what he has done.

Seems like a pretty common one.  Even today, I can't stop from smiling when somebody else is yelling.  

Oy, I remember when I was in Satellite class back in elementary school, and whenever they restrained one of the other kids, he would be yelling, and I'd get into trouble for "feeding in" because I couldn't stop laughing.

Whereas with me the laughing/smiling wasn't to do with trying to get out of a situation, or not listening, or trying to shrug things off. I could be talked to about my behaviour while grinning inanely and I took it perfectly seriously and it all went in. It was when people insisted that I stopped smiling that there was a problem, because I was concentrating so much on giving the responses that they wanted (not smiling, looking contrite, saying the right thing) that I didn't take in a word they were saying and didn't get the chance to think about if I'd done something wrong.

I can understand perfectly (now) why laughing or grinning drives NTs up the wall, because in NT language it is trying to get out of a situation that you don't want to deal with. Most of the people I had to deal with when growing up never got this, apart from a couple of very wonderful primary school teachers who I will never forget.

Interesting perspective.  I will have to talk with my son about it.  He ... hm.  If I am getting any worded response back I know he is absorbing.  I guess the laughing, though, is usually too close to the act he knows he shouldn't have done ... I have the overall sense that he isn't fully in control of himself at the moment.  I want to wait until he is ready, and has himself under control.  I don't get mad at him for the laughing, at least.

I wasn't trying to say I knew that your son is like this, I just added my ha'p'orth as it struck such a chord with me.