He just turned 13 btw.
Asperger's was suggested (as was ADHD) when he was 4 and 5 and the psychiatrist we saw then out of hand dismissed that, labelled him with an attachment disorder (I think he was blaming our crunchy hippie parenting) and did no testing. He spent a year in play therapy and we ended up pulling him to homeschool.
His father and I seperated after 17 years together when he was 10 and it was very traumatic for him, I was pregnant, his father was being abusive, we ended up in a women's shelter, and I couldn't handle homeschooling as a single mom (with two other children, his sister and newborn brother) so he ended up going into school at what I consider the worst possible point - 6th grade -and the rages he was prone to got out of hand. December of 2005 I ended up in the ER with him after one of his tantrums where he hit me, threatened his baby brother and banged his head on the concrete patio stones. This finally got us in to see a new psychiatrist.
My meeting with the psychiatrist focussed mainly on explaining the vague diagnosis and medication to control the raging so he can function in school and benefit from social therapy.
The medication suggested as our first effort is Risperdal.
I'm here looking for advice and experience from any parents of Aspies or Aspies themselves on A - talking to my son about this (his self esteem is actually really high so I think he'll take it matter of factly, I intend to focus, as always, on his gifts) B - talking to him about the medication.
On a more sticky point, I'm pretty sure that if he sought it out, his father would get the same diagnosis. Communication between us is very difficult, strained is a mild way of putting it. I'm trying to be empathic, but I could use some advice on how to approach this from an Aspie POV.
If your relationship with your his father is strained, then I would not mention that you think he may be an aspie too.
He very likely could be, its not rare, but he needs to work that out himself, if he has been abusive in the past then keep a distance.
It's good that your son has a high self esteem, telling him the positives is really good. He could take a look at this -
http://www.celebrateautismnow.com
It's made with children in mind to let them see some of the positives.
I'd be really careful about the medication if I were you.
Once he's on it, if he seems fine and the doctor decides to up the dosage, don't let him.
Put me on in seventh because they were paranoid I'd get depressed.
Upped it because I was fine, and if a little's good, a lot must be very good.
Went psycho. Clinically, mania I think.
Completely delusional, violent, attacked random chairs.
Took me off suddenly, dosage had been really high. . .
withdrawal symptoms.
Got very depressed and ourtright suicidal. Actually made some half-hearted attempts at committing suicide.
That was Zoloft though, this stuff may work differently.
I'd still be careful.
Psychoactive drugs are designed for NT brain chemistry and neurowiring.
Those are different in AS. Affect us differently.
If I were in your position I wouldn't put him on drugs at all, but I, of course have the bias of bad experience.
Just keep in mind, be really careful, and if he starts to act erratic, reduce the dosage or take him off.
I would be guided by your doctor as far as medication goes.
This is one place where faith can be deadly. When I was put on Ritalin, it didn't do much good, so everytime we went back to that doctor, all he would say was that I was a "mystery" and up my dosage, even after I started getting worse, much worse. When we finally changed doctors I was very close to overdosing.
I am similarly speaking from bad experiences, but simply put, the fact that it can happen means you MUST be on the look-out for it.
Be suspicious of any new drug they stick your kid on. If it doesn't work, don't up the dosage, DISCARD IT. Be very conscious of side-effects, maximum dosages and the effects you directly observe. Take care to educate yourself, don't be afraid of a second opinion, and if you think your child is in danger, take him out of it.
Also, you need to look at what is causing the meltdowns. Does he have an IEP? This can be used to address dangerous behavior. Is he being bullied? Are the staff attacking him, neglecting him, or otherwise mistreating him? Is he being punished for self-stim behaviors? All of these can happen, and they can lead to a melt-down. Again, do not be tempted to put your faith in these people.
Questions are an absolute must.
EDIT: Also, don't be afraid of being seen as a ***. If the school is doing something harmful to your child, and you stand up for him, you probably will be seen that way. Just remember that you have every right to be a total *** when it comes to your kids.
Also, don't be afraid of being seen as a ***. If the school is doing something harmful to your child, and you stand up for him, you probably will be seen that way. Just remember that you have every right to be a total *** when it comes to your kids.
Amen to that! Just ask my mom how many PTA meetings she had to go to, to get the freaking point across to the SPED people. They didn't listen anyways. If they assume your a ***, you can just say "Well at least I'm not neglecting my child, and letting them run around having sex and drinking, and going to wild parties like SOME parents." You know, emphasizing how the social lifestyle they tend to try and push Aspies into can be seen as being 10 times more harmful than not having as many friends.
dirtwitch, I'm curious as to what your son's interests are. I'm really into video games, and if your son is or becomes interested in video games, I'm pretty good at knowing which games are fun yet not overly violent and well, in my opinion just plain awful. Like Grand Theft Auto for example.
Although, I might not do so good at knowing which more games that might appeal to older guys, that do have some violence like fighting games and the like since I'm not interested in those games.
I like Nintendo, which of late has been derided as being a "kiddy" games company, but they also are one of the only companies that appeal to female gamers interests. So if I suggest a game, and your son thinks it's too kiddy or girly, I can understand that.
However, most Mario Bros games and their spin-offs, like the Yoshi games are really fun and challenging to play, even if their graphics do seem overly happy and cutesy.
I'm on Risperdal right now. The stuffs not terrible, as long as the dosage isn't too high. When I first went on the stuff it sent me into a nihilistic depression.
More questions if you don't mind.
The IEP.
In 6th grade the psychologist who saw my son clearly was biased against homeschoolers and chalked up all the Asperger's markers as his lack of socialization (don't even get me started on the misinformation about homeschoolers out there - suffice it to say - my son was in karate, cubscouts, and took part in homeschool park days outtings and special interest classes all the time, no amount of my urging found him a peer group. He got along fine with other autism spectrum kids but never develped any lasting friendships) and suggested a private school program where his intellectual gifts would be recognized AND HE WOULD BE FORCED TO PARTICIPATE IN GROUP TEAM SPORTS (Ummm, no I don't think so!)
He changed schools for 7th grade and I LOVE his school. I personally have a lot of connections with staff as my mother and father both taught there for 20 plus years and we are treated as real people. This past school year they have worked very hard with him without having a diagnosis. The IEP was crafted without one. He gets extra time on exams and is allowed use of a word processor. Teachers provide him with copies of their notes for the classes. His guidance counsellor checks in with him daily and all staff have been on the look out for signs that he needs a "guardian angel" to negotiate socially. He's been encouraged to use and offered space within the school to get away from everyone during recess and breaks. The library has purchased books on his special interests. There has been no bullying. There have been incredible accomodations. But there have been about a months worth of suspensions in the past year too.
His IEP is being completely rewritten now that we have a diagnosis and when I went in to let them know what was up (even without the psychoeducational report in my possession) they immeadiately began brainstorming further accomodations.
So, they are VERY open to our input into the IEP. With his diagnosis they will get special funding, enough to hire a 1 on 1 aide if needed (and they recognize the need for him to have "a guardian angel" as the spec ed resource person put it.
What would your dream IEP look like?
Here are the issues I've identified that need to be addressed. He scored in the 99th percentile on the WISC - except working memory was in the 40% percentile (he lost interest) and his processing speed was in the 15% percentile.
What accomodations should we ask for for his gifted profile? When we homeschooled I crafted our entire curriculum around his special interests. This isn't possible in a school setting I realize, but the IEPs until now have focussed so much on social development ("by the end of first term XXXXX will sit with a group, by the end of second he will make eye contact with his group, by third he will write down one idea another person has offered, by fourth he will utilize these skills in a group discussion during final exams) that his intellectual needs have been ignored, and frankly, he's been much too anxious to even access that natural intelligence while at school.
What kind of classroom mods would you want to see?
His classes are english, math, phys ed, moral education (nonsecular), history, geography, science, arts (semestered and they run through visual arts, drama, dance, and music in the year) and french.
As I'm sure you can guess he has a lot of difficulty with phys ed.
The hardest class for him though is french. While the whole language group project approach works much better for addressing the multiple intelligences of a classroom of NT kids than the old rote system of learning vocabulary and composition, it is absolutely maddening for my son. Not only does he not understand a word of what is going on, he can't read the social situations, body language, and facial expressions that are supposed to provide the cues for him to start understanding the language. The principal immeadiately suggested we get him a standard traditional FSL computer program with headphones and that he work one on one with a teacher. We live in Quebec, the french instruction is not optional.
Dance and music are pretty hellish too.
For the rest, he mainly needs help staying on top of assignments, homework, and following instructions. We've had a big problem with rigidity around expectations. How to decribe this....whatever he hears as the instructions first, he follows. A teacher can see that s/he hasn't provided him with a clear enough set of instructions and revise them and there is no way my son will accept the additional information no matter how nicely its presented.
So if YOU could craft an IEP what would you ask for?
Violet-yoshi asked about his interests,
He is totally into Starcraft. He isn't so much into playing the game, as game design and writing fan fiction. Its a 20 hour a day thing right now.
His other interests are Stargate, Bionicle (though this is waning (I'll be happy if I never hear another 3 hour monologue on a bionicle character again!) and dungeons and dragons (again he's less interested in playing than he is in DMing)
Thank you for your insights into therapy.
His psychiatrist was very clear that he does not need friends.
He does not need to work "with a group"...right now. That is more like a 10 year project.
He put it like this "XXXXX's anxiety is so high right now that he can't access his intelligence. Once we get that anxiety lowered he'll have time to logically look at situations and his intelligence will provide the answers as to how to best deal with social pressures"
He'll have one on one therapy for help with this as well as a program for teens that gets together a group of teen Aspies, a few sensitive NT teens who are acting as peer supports, and a psychologist where they can role play typical scenarios teens must negotiate. They'll do it at the centre and then go on excursions where they can practice, then share together about the experiences they go through.
His other interests are Stargate, Bionicle (though this is waning (I'll be happy if I never hear another 3 hour monologue on a bionicle character again!)
Hee! Lauren went through such a phase a couple of years ago with the Bionicles - she saved up money from Grandma, aunties and uncles, etc and bought just about every model available. Then I was expected to help her to construct them. (I've always disliked toys that YOU have to put together - surely they should be cheaper if you're expected to build them!) And yes, the lectures were very intense, but then, I'm like that with my particular interests, so I smile and nod and nod and smile.
Alison
Dirtwitch, that's cool. Perhaps someday your son might be a writer for a Sci-Fi tv show or movie, or will be a video game designer someday. :happyjump: