Is the boy being bullied at school? Has anything changed with this child's relationships? Has the boy been placed on any new drug rececently?
I have kids of a similar age group to this boy who all have some autistic traits, but we've never had this kind of stuff happen. Sure our kids are very boisterous and argumentative. No one in our family is on any psych drugs of any kind. Your situation sounds like something very extreme.
I agree about trying rock climbing if possible -
this link has a video about it, at the bottom
http://www.autisticculture.com/autisticv...ntary.html
I think it could be puberty related, but would definitely look at new changes like possible bullying, his own fears or confusion about puberty too.
Have you been having more arguments with your husband lately, seems that could be a possible trigger too. If he is already feeling very sensitive then little things could be enough to tip the balance.
You must tell your husband not to say things like 'kill yourself then'. I cannot stress that strongly enough. Your husband may be upset at the stabbing comment, but it was coming from a very upset child and does not deserve retaliation.
In my own experience the best way to handle these situations are to be as calm as possible and do anything to keep it calm, there is no point shouting or telling him off when he is upset. It will just make it worse and he will not understand what you mean, its better to talk about it calmly and go through it later when he has completely calmed down.
Talk through this with your husband too, as it is not unknown for young people to self harm, or think of suicide, and they need a lot of support.
Sounds like the bullying is a major factor. Please face the situation and get him into a better school, if you hated that teacher dont put your son through the same.
Please.
I hope you and your family can find a solution for these issues, and sooner rather than later.
I know from talking with family members and friends of my own generation that all of us have vivid memories of our adolescence, and quite a few of us still look back with resentment at things that our parents did wrong, or neglected to do, during that time of our lives. Things that you do now might set the tone of your relationship with your son when he is an adult.
Cybermintz wrote
Some of the most "educated" people that I know dropped out of school in their teens.
Have a look at the book "Cradles of eminence", and you'll see that many people who went on to become great and eminent people did not like school, were home-schooled or dropped out of school. There's a whole chapter in the book about how much school does not seem to be compatible with truly great and original thinkers, which kinda makes me wonder why we have schools ...
Cybermintz wrote
It does not matter if you miss a television programme, it does not matter that the food is going cold on the table (as long as the cooker is turned off!) you have to put his needs first.
When you leave him he will probably start "trashing" the room. At least he is not hitting you or your husband. In anticipation of this, if you have any breakable valuables I suggest that you pack them away somewhere safe where he does not have easy access. Only use crockery that you don't mind being broken. Put safety film over windows to stop prevent him hurting himself if he puts his fist through them. If you have antique furniture I suggest you put it into storage for the next ten years.
I think this is going too far to accomodate very bad behaviour. I do not believe autism is an excuse for violence or out of control anger (and I regard myself as an aspie). Sure, it is obvious to me that "anger control" is an area that is a challenge to most aspies, but it is a parent's duty to discipline a child when they are still young and small enough to be under their control. If they don't they could be creating a monster! No child should grow up with the idea that throwing crockery is normal or tolerable behaviour, because it just isn't. Having an aspie child is not an excuse for "dropping your load" with regard to disciplining your child. A tap on the tush never hurt any kid.
I hope you will feel welcome at this forum, Keeley. I'm glad that you rose to the challenge of dealing with the school bullying.
Xactorofjustess wrote
Put everything of value in storage. Film-cover the windows to prevent breakage. Use what he loves as a reward for doing his homeschool assignments. Let him play with younger kids-- maybe he can start earning money as a babysitter.
You are assuming that this kid can't be trusted not to smash things up, but you think he would still be suited to playing with younger kids and working as a babysitter? WHAT?
We especially don't like being pushed into thinking of ourselves as "sufferers". :wink:
Keeley wrote
Oh but my son's suffering is very real. He only has two people in his world who really understand his trials and I'm one of those two, the other is his elder brother. Everyone else's understanding is superficial. Tolerated so long as he doesn't rock their lives too much.
When he asks me at 21 if I think he should try to act normal so people will believe him to be normal it tells me he suffers alright.
Given the choice he would change now, so he is a sufferer. If anyone else is offended by my terminology then I'm sorry. But I just assumed that others were as unhappy as my son is and as aware of how different this condition is to other people.
If your son lived on a planet or country of autistics would he still feel any need to "try to act normal", would he still have a tragically limited support base of people who understand what he is all about, and would he still be a sufferer? How long do you think people like your son will be satisfied with living in isolation amongst neurotypical people? I think he deserves and needs something better, quite frankly.
I'm not sure if you are aware that the idea of forming an all-aspie exclusive community keeps popping up in aspie forums. My aspie husband says just about every week how much he wishes there was some other country or planet full of people like us that we could escape to to get away from the type of people who he calls "morons" (and I know what type of people he referring to).
I don't "live with Aspergers" and I don't "have Aspergers", I am an aspie, always have and always will be till the day I die.
... Asperger's experienced people ...
Huh? Is that like being a feminine-gender-experienced person or being a heterosexuality-experienced person? Am I going to wake up one day a neurotypical and think "Gee whiz my experience of having Aspergers was a real weird trip, glad I'm normal now!"? :?
I thought this was a forum for parents to give each other support.
Keeley, if you are still reading, this is indeed a forum for discussion of parenting issues, and sometimes parents give each other support with problems they are having, but it is not exclusively a parent support forum. Autistic teens and adults also post in this forum sometimes to give their perspective on the issues being discussed and the broader social environment. Sometimes these posts are quite blunt, as this is how many autistics prefer to communicate. Posts discussing the civil rights implications of society's treatment of autistics and the use of words like "sufferer" are not intended to insult parents, but to raise awareness of common prejudices.
You are quite welcome to continue reading and posting here, if you wish.
violet_yoshi, when I used the word "blunt," I was referring mainly to Lili Marlene, who is blunt and proud of it. :wink: Speaking bluntly is not necessarily a negative thing and doesn't mean that a person lacks understanding. It is just a communication style.
I didn't get the impression that Keeley was intentionally being rude or insensitive. Keeley is British, and there is a cultural difference in the use of the word "sufferer." In the United States, the word is often considered politically incorrect, but in the UK, just about anyone with any kind of diagnosis is a "sufferer," and it's not used as a means to get sympathy.
Throwing rocks at you is just not on so I hope this anger therapy does some good.
Oh, this is a real pity - I don't think Keeley said anything offensive at all and I can see where she is coming from about her son as some of us are such perfectionists that we don't see that we are loved and cared for by some people and any achievements we have come to nought because we remember all our mistakes and faux pas so clearly.
It's certainly a worry. Mind you, mum used to carry a wooden spoon with her when I was little and we were out and I think she only had to use it once.