I've been diagnosed with asperger's when I was around 9, im pretty sure I dont have it. All my autistic behaviors went away about 6th grade and ever since then i've been completely normal. I have this whole theory of that i never even had it in the first place but thats a long story. Anyways Im trying to convince my parents that im normal and to get my medical file cleared, yeah... thats not working and I dont get it. They wont tell me how to convince them. They actually look and walk away form me when I ask. Is that supposed to be a normal reaction? What would your kid have to do to convince you that they're normal? Im asking you guys because i think i've hit a major wall here.
There wouldn't be anything a children of mine would have to do because autistic is as normal as non-autistic is normal. Theres nothing abnormal about being autistic. Society just needs an attitude adjustment as it has constently needed throughout history.
Autistics never growing, maturing, adjusting and improving beyond what the criterias say is a myth. We're not diseased or disorderd. Your parents from what you've said in other posts and your blog sound like they are very naive about what autistics are capable of and directing the blaim for everything bad on "the autism" and ignoring you if they think its "the autism". Your parents have a problem and there may very well be nothing you can do about that.
Respect yourself, accept yourself, believe in yourself and don't let people restrict you, bring you down or blaim you because of some attitude for a label.
Soccerfreak, you could try and use different tactics to persaude them, but darkcode is giving you some good advice there.
Soccerfreak, if you think you are no longer an aspie, and want to convince your parents, can you answer these questions because depending on the answer you could use them to back up your case.
1. Are you in all 'normal' classes in school, no special classes?
2. Do you need any extra help in those classes, like a support worker or helper?
3. Do you need to take any medication?
4. Do you have any kind of therapy?
5. Are you doing well in school with good grades, and get homework in on time?
6. Do you have regular friends that you spend time with out of school?
7. Are you allowed to go out and visit friends alone?
8. Are you allowed to walk to local shops unsupervised?
9. Do you help around the house with chores?
10. Do you tidy your own bedroom, put clothes away, save money for treats by yourself?
yes all do all those things except going to the mall by myself, but niether were my 'neuro -typical' sisters till they could drive. I can go anywhere by myself that I can walk to. I consider my self neuro-typical, i act just like anyother teenager my age, i have lots of friends, i have a boyfriend. Actually I have more than my two older sisters. What bothers me most though is when mom and dad refuse to call me normal as in neurologically normal when my little sister cant even communicate garde level. She's outta speech class now but you still cant have a good conversation like I can with her firend i babysit. And they call her normal, are you kidding me? Thats unfare! Do most asperger's kids go through this at some point in their life like some sorta phase or is this the real me? I think it's the real me but if it's just a typical phase i would stop bothering with it.
So all the question's answers were the 'normal' answers?
If so, then you would be in the bounds of normality as far as I can tell from what you have said, do your parents get SSI for you, I don't want to suggest anything bad, but if they were getting any kind of income or health benefits from having you diagnosed as an aspie it might encourage their viewpoint.
So a 504 is something special then. How do you know you would manage the same without it?
Can you come and chat in the chat room about it?
You can come and chat any time, there are people there all the time, if you say hello and wait a bit, people will respond.
Can your medical file be cleared of that? Interesting.
If my child was a happy adult living a financially stable life I wouldn't argue with him over something like that. His diagnosis has, to date, been tentative - and very useful for us. If he stops needing the extra services the notation gives him, I can't see why I wouldn't agree to removing it. Assuming it CAN be done.
Going back and seeing you are much younger ... if you were my child, I would agree to a retest, and would agree to someone different performing it. That really is the best way to clear it up, I think. A second opinion. Perhaps you could ask the school for a re-evaluation? My son's was done through the school and not a doctor.
It was a big decision for us, whether or not we were going allow that notation to go into my son's school and doctor files. We asked what all the pro's and con's were. The pro's were the longer list, and the clincher was when the school principle told us there has been a rash of parents in our county TRYING to get a disability notation - ANY disability notation - into their kid's files so they would get extra time on the SAT's, etc. Obviously, the adult world isn't viewing this a negative, not where I live. Can you imagine a parent with a perfectly normal child trying to get a special education qualification on the assumption it will get that child a better placement in college? Totally upside down to me. But, hey, you should be getting that benefit, so there's an upside!
Reading through more of the thread, I am sad to read comments from others that know you better, that maybe your parents are not even trying to understand the real you. Maybe that is the larger issue.
Anyway. I don't have an answer for you. I know you are in the phase of life where it is important to break free of your parent's decisions and establish your own identity. Perhaps this issue is part of that for you. Keep looking into what YOUR options are that don't require support from your parents, and good luck.
Wow. I'm going out on a limb here and I could get it completely wrong ... I so hope I don't ... but I think (and note that is think, as in my opinion, which I believe to be based on solid intuition, but by nature can never be based on the whole story because I know I'm not inside your head) ... I think that you have issues beyond what the designation may or may not mean. The teen years are HARD. They are for EVERYONE. I remember a lot of anger, a lot of self-doubt. But what you are expressing is more ... it worries me. Are there ANY adults you trust? That you feel comfortable venting to in real life, face to face? Have you considered meeting with an unbiased, third party counselor? The reason I ask is that you have so many emotions boiling up inside of you. They need to be expressed and released. Being or not being designated as Aspergers shouldn't be ruling how you feel about yourself. EITHER WAY, there is NOTHING WRONG with you. The only thing "wrong," and I hate to use that term because it is actually quite normal at your age, is that you hate yourself. Those feelings aren't going to go away simply because someone takes a mark off your record. That mark is your scapegoat right now for all your negative feelings, because you don't know where else to put them. What you need to find is a safe and effective place to put them.
You've said you are smart and I believe you. You've said you have friends and a social life. I believe you. Yet those aren't enough. You still say you hate yourself. WHAT is there to hate? I'm not seeing anything to hate. So where is your hate coming from? The raging hormones that leave you feeling vulnerable and confused? Everyone goes through some level of that in their teen years. But it overwhelmes some more than others, and it sounds like this could be happening with you. Please believe me, it goes away. Your body finishes making all the changes it needs to make and all those intense negative emotions start fading.
But, you still need to get through this period. A counselor would help. A lot. I hope you will seriously consider asking if you could meet with one.
It isn't about anything being wrong. It is able finding a safe outlet that you trust for emotions that probably feel like they are about to crush you. I really do remember those years (and, FYI, I'm officially NT - maybe some Aspie traits - it IS all a spectrum), and I remember the feelings. It is THOSE that I believe honestly need to be addressed, not the diagnosis you feel is now useless, and not any testing your sister may need. It is hard enough to get through the teen years worrying about yourself; don't take on worrying about her. The best thing you could do for yourself right now is to stop obsessing about the designation and see if you can find a counselor you like and trust. Not a school career counselor, but a professional counselor who understands teen emotional issues.
I'm crossing my fingers you don't get mad at me for saying that. But, in my hearts of hearts, I feel it is what is most likely to help you feel better right now. And that is goal number 1, isn't it? To feel better?
Again, good luck. And please consider it.
Oh soccerfreak you are sounding far too much like a horrible man I know. Fantastic on the outside; a wreak on the inside. He blames all his life's problems on his ex (which is not me, thank God), but kicks his dog and hurts everyone who loves him. Not to say you are violent like him; I'm sure you are not, but he won't trust a counselor, either. I will say here one last time that I think you are wrong about the designation being the source of all your problems, that it's a scape goat, and then I'll drop it. A counselor you can trust would help sort all that out. But, since you are a minor, I can see the issue with confidentiality. There must be some way to get true confidentiality, though ... would you at least look into it?
Once you are an adult you can retest without your parent's permission. You can clear the file yourself. You know the end is out there. Why does it have to be now?
Just stuff to think about. As I said in the other post, I can't get inside your head. I can only say what my intuition tells me. You decide if there is any chance I'm right.
Thanks for that compliment in the last sentence. I know you are not a guy, it was just two things about this man I know that you reminded me of: (1) the I don't need a counselor part and (2) the focusing all your anger at one point. There is no way I think you are "horrible" like I think he is, either.
I actually came on to edit the last post because I started worrying it gave the wrong tone. Since you've read it, I won't bother. The above should clarify for anyone who missunderstands.
I will try to read your journal, but I can't today. I've been off and on the internet more than enough today. Unfortunately, as much as I like chatting, my life doesn't allow much time for it. Right now I'm left with about half an hour to put my son's bed back together (he threw up all night last night), clean up the dishes, and get the kids into bed. Tomorrow is a packing and errand day because we fly out on Wednesday to visit my in-laws (that would be another book!). I will be back, though. It will be just be a while. Maybe then I can steal some time to read the journal and see if my intuition can come up with something useful.
Meanwhile, am I allowed to continue hoping you will let go of all the issues you find with the label? It doesn't say anything is wrong with you; it is intended to explain you. OK, you say it doesn't explain you, but does it drive people to treat you incorrectly? Outside of allowing you to get away with things you think you shouldn't? My son is considered light Aspergers, and maybe some day he'll say we got it all wrong, but short term what I've learned about Aspergers has allowed me to learn things that make both of us happier. You could ask him, if he was willing to learn to type - he is MUCH happier now than before. If that changes, I'll change my assumptions.
And, well, the fact that people disagree with your point doesn't always mean that they don't get your point. Are you SURE they don't get it, or are you frustrated that they won't AGREE with it? The two can be tough to tell apart.
Sorry your relationship with your older sisters doesn't go well, but I'm glad you love your younger sister. Reminds me a bit of my relationship with my sisters when I was teen. I love them both now. Time can be a great thing. And, well, one huge confessional fight in the Austrian Alps ...
Anyway, my husband is home now so I guess I'd better get to all those things I need to do here. It's tough to explain to someone else why I'm chatting instead of doing what my own family needs. Sigh. Wish I could do it all.
Talk with you in a few weeks. Hang in there.
I see what you are saying about "the point." But, I guess, I still think one angle you should not ignore is figuring out how to get yourself to be OK with the idea of having Aspergers. Not to say you have it or not, just to say that an alternative ticket to happiness would be to find a way to NOT have the label mean to you what it does; to reach a point where you could agree that it does NOT mean something is wrong with you. Maybe you could try dividing your focus into both areas: the one you are currently working on (which is to prove the label does not apply; I know at this point in time it remains a need of yours), and the other being learning how to integrate that the label doesn't say anything is wrong with you (kind of like back up plan B - but one you work on at the same time as plan A). There isn't anything wrong with my son.
Talk with you in a few weeks.
I am back but I do not have any new thoughts to share with you right now. Still thinking, though ... Just letting you know I haven't forgotten you.
Yes, I always think it's better to know for sure one way or the other.